Some Songs...

I don't think I've ever covered this, sitting here, I felt I should.

There are a few songs out there that choke me up - and those that do are for mostly the same reason: Because Bethany loved them. Now, some of these songs I can listen to with a smile, others I can listen to but they really choke me up, and a small handful - I just CAN'T listen to. Then there are other song that have a whole lot of meaning, or just one or two lines that "get me". Each song title is a link to a lyrics site as a lot of these are "lyric based" issues. If there's a song you want to hear, let me know and I can send it on over.

Bubba Sparxx: Deliverance
An odd one, but this is one of the songs with one line that always hits me:

It hauls me with regret I never met your baby girl,
She's an angel on your shoulder helpin us to save the world

Status: Can listen to without problem

Counting Crows: Mr Jones
This was another of her songs she used to dance to all the time. Loved it. Plus Jo and her would stand in the kitchen singing away to it.

Status: Can start listening, then skip it.

Evanescence: My Immortal
Blimey, beautiful song, and Amy Lee has a haunting voice. This is one of the songs we played at Bethy's funeral because ALL the words have a lot of meaning to us. I have heard part of this song once since the funeral, and I just melted into a puddle of tears. I was shopping at the time.

Status: Cannot hear at all.

Faithless: Don't Leave
An odd one as, like a lot of others, it's a love song. But I often find the words of a love song have a few parts that ring true. The title, and this chorus of this song, are the words I can remember sitting watching Bethy in her last minutes...

Status: Can listen but get upset

Gwen Stefani: What You Waiting For
I love this - very "boppy" song with a good beat. I can listen to this and get a smile on my face, seeing the little angel dancing away and singing it. She loved it, and it took a while before I could listen to it.

Status: Listen to with a smile.

Groove Armada: I See You Baby (Shaking That Ass)
Anyone that knew Bethy knew this was HER song. She's walk around wiggling her bum to this song, and if you said "I See You Baby!" she would respond with "Shaking That Ass!". This song is on the Renault adverts over here, and depending on my mood depends on the reaction. We played this at her funeral and it made people smile to see her doing it, plus set a lot of us off again.

Status: Can listen with a smile some days, crying others, or not at all on bad ones.

Hootie and the Blowfish: Hold My Hand
Just thinking about this one is choking me up. Anyway. When Bethy was in intensive care, one of the only signs that showed us she was there was if you told her to hold your hand, she's squeeze it, telling us she was still in there. That stopped on her last day, and we knew what it meant. Jo used to sing it to her as well, before hospital and during.

Status: Rarely gets listened to, normally skipped after a few lines.

James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Despite a lot of people hating him, and again this is a sort-of-love-song that has various parts that hit me, especially the chorus:
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

I DO see Bethy sometimes, either out of the corner of my eye, or a little child with the same hair that I see with a glance, and I know that until I shuffle off, I won't be with her again.

Status: Chokes me up but I can listen.

Johnny Rzeznik: I'm Still Here
I know Bethy is still around me - she's inside, she around, she's egging Tam on, and this song makes me smile and realise that she is still around. Not sure why though...

Status: Listen to with a smile

Kid Rock: Forever
An odd one I know, but Bethy used to stomp around to this one, shouting "Kid Rock - Forever! then moshing her head. I can still see her doing it!

Status: Listen to with a smile, occasionally skipped

Kirsty MacColl: Days
Another "love song with somewhat poinent words" jobbie, for example:
And though you're gone
You're with me every single day believe me
as well as
You took my life
But then I knew that very soon you'd leave me
But it's alright
Just lots of words in there that strike true.

Status: Can hear every now and then, but not often

Kristien Leontiou: Story of my Life
This song is one long ballad and a lot of the words always make me think of Bethy. I'm fairly sure she never listened to it, danced to it or anything else, it just cuts me up...

Status: Start to listen, then have to skip

Limp Bizkit: Rollin'
OK, an odd one, but this was #1 in the charts the day she was born, and as we love the song it was played a lot - she eventually stood there doing the dance... Hands up, hands down...

Status: Listen to with a smile.

Markus Shultz: Without You Near
This is a dutch trance song, but a slowish mellow one. As you can tell from the title, it's got a few parts that make me smile through a tear or three. There are VERY few lyrics here, but still...
It's a little bit lonely for me
It's a little bit faint Without you near
Without you near
Any other day, you just look Around and
All you see is gone
All you see is gone
Like I said, it's the most stupid things.

Status: Listen to, but skip on bad days

Moby: Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad
Not sure what it is about this song, as it has like two lines, but it's a very emotional song for me - the style of the music, the sound of the guy singing, and then the chorus of something I can never really hear, I just love the way it comes across. I love it, amazing song, and it just reminds me of Bethy and how I feel since losing her.
Why does my heart... feel so bad?
Why does my soul... feel so bad?
Status: Love to listen to it, even if it does make me cry

Natasha Bedingfield: These Words
Bethy used to love this song with a passion - let's face it, there's little she didn't love. But this song was loved by her, and the chorus always kicked me in the heart.
These words are my own
From my heart flown
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you
Status: Usually end up skipping the song

Pink: Just Like A Pill
Another song that has NOTHING to do with anything, except a couple of lines:
I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch
Bethy, life support. Bethy, allergy to morphine - it made her itch. And because of those lines, I can't listen to it!

Status: Skipped every time

Robbie Williams: Angels
Sort of a no brainer really, the words are very true-to-point, not to mention this was the third song played at Bethy's funeral.
I'm lovin' angels instead...
Because let's face it, I'm loving an angel instead of a little girl.

Status: Depends on the mood

Scooter: The Logical Song
A dance track. Words that mean exactly zero in relation to Bethy. However... There's always a "but". One weekend when Jo was away, I had Bethy on my lap, and recorded me dancing around with her on the webcam. I still have the clip, and it makes me gush like it's going out of fashion. The song I can listen to usually but occasionally, it gets skipped. Not even sure how old she was when we did it, but not very old at all - either 10 months or 13 month, but forget which.

Status: Fine most of the time

Shakesperes Sister: Stay
Another love song, but I remember the video clearly from all those years ago. She's over a guy that's apparently dying, and she's telling him to stay with her. NOW I hear the song, I see us sitting with Bethy making that decision.

Status: Skipped nine times out of ten

Stuart Wilson: Canon in D
OK, yes, this is Stuart from "Captains Blog" Stuart over in "Blogs I Read". If you've seen his blog, you'll know he's a smart banana when it comes to electronic music. At his wedding - Bethy and Jaysen were there - he wrote this song and then played it in front of everyone. Bethy LOVED it - she went made for it running around cuddling and telling everyone she loved them. I hear it and see her doing her thing, spreading love.

The link up there will either start the song playing, or download it, depending if you click it, or right click it and "Save as". I also note, what I thought is "Canon in D" is on his site as "Electronic Canon (Pachelbel).

Status: Can listen to on a good day

The Cheeky Girls: The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)
For those that have never heard of them, this is a legitimate "band/group" that had a couple of hits over here. Of course, butt-related, Bethy loved it. She'd dance and sing "Oh Ah Cheeky Girls!" and bounced around wiggling her bum.

Status: Gets skipped fairly often

Three Doors Down: Here Without You
Only heard this recently - on a World of Warcraft video, no less - but the words to it... I sat here listening completely agap at it with tears streaming. Yes, granted it's a love song, but almost the whole of this song screams "Bethy is Gone" at me. Click the link, read the lyrics.

Status: Usually chokes me up and sometimes gets skipped

Weebl: Badger Badger Badger
If you've been here for a while, you'll remember the fascination of the Badgers when they were released. There are links to it on the right. Still, Bethy used to love this, and would stand like one of the badgers dancing like them. I have it as an mp3 and usually have to skip it.

Status: Usually skipped.

Weebl: Kenya
Pretty much the exact same story as above, except that instead of dancing like a badger, she'd dance like the lion/tiger.

Status: Usually skipped.

I think that covers them... There are a fair amount more. For example, any of the songs from Shrek or Shrek 2. The Titan AE soundtrack kills me every now and then, and the Princess Bride soundtrack is skipped very regular-like. And don't get me started on DVDs we can't watch - mostly because they were either one of her favorite movies, or we watched them a lot in hospital. Shark Tale and Finding Nemo are dangerous movies to watch.

Despite this list - and a few tears while writing it - I'm in a good mood today, I just felt a need to do it. Not sure why. But if you hear any of the boppy/cheerful songs, have a smile and think of my special little angel dancing to them.

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6 Responses to “Some Songs...”

Anonymous said...

I don't even know most of those songs... is it because I'm in the US or just an oldie? Probably the latter... lol. It's good for you to get that list out there and how insightful of you to know what you can listen to and why. Glad you are in a good mood... hope it lasts.

Dan said...

I suspect some of them are British, some are obscure from movies, and others might well be because you're an oldie.

Some days I can hear a song I've listened to over and over, and something will trigger, while other days I'm fine. Depends on the mood at the time.

And I hope the mood lasts too! Things HAVE been better and better of late, still downers here and there, but usually when I am tired I have BAD days - not so today, so fingers crossed!

Minge said...

I wish I could give you a hug.

I've been crying buckets, here.

Spooky: I had my iPod on while coming up the road the other day. The last song it played was Don't Leave.

Dan said...

Sorry it had that effect on you Minge :) It's odd how some things affect different people.

If you want any of those tracks, just lemmie know!

Daddy Cool said...

It's amazing what music can do for you and to you. This was a very sweet post, it's hard to express or even know what all of that must have been like for you.

I'll give E a hug for you and the little one.

Erin said...

I have a mental list like this, of songs that make me cry and songs that absolutely destroy me, all because of how they relate to my son and his life/death. One that makes no sense to anyone but me... Nine Inch Nails - Only. It seemed to play every time we drove to the cardiologist (on a weekly basis for most of his life)... add that to the lyrics (there is no you, there is only me...)

I don't listen to the radio much yet. It all makes me cry.

Anyway, thanks for letting me babble in your comment box. I'd like to add a link from my son's blog (Nova's Heart) if that's OK?