Two Decades...

With the last year seemingly out of control, and 2021 appearing to be no better, it surprises and amazes me that today would be Bethanys 20th birthday. 

Twenty years. 

Twenty years ago I sat there as she was born, not knowing what her future would hold - not even knowing what the coming hours would hold for her, let alone the coming days, weeks and months. As it turned out, the first week of her life was a complete and utter shitstorm of things, with new stuff being discovered to be wrong with her literally every day. 

I can still remember every part of that first week, with a different specialist being introduced every single day, with a look on their face that you just knew meant "uh oh" and that they had to break some new medical issue to you.

But, if you knew that tiny little baby, Bethany fought through every single thing thrown at her that week. And it blows my mind that it was TWENTY years ago that this all happened. People say time is a great healer, but it's really not. Time makes things feel different. Time doesn't heal anything, it just makes it different.

And as is usual on her birthday, I try to picture what she would look like, what she would be doing, what sort of person would she be. I admit, with everything going on - personally and in the world - my brain isn't in the best of places of late, and it's hard to remember it's her birthday, a happy day... I have to fight to remember the good, the happy, the funny... You'd have thought after so many years of practice it would be a simple thing, but who knows how my head works the way it does.

To my beautiful birthday girl, Bethy, 

Happy Birthday my little love. I can't believe you would be twenty today. Twenty years old. It just sounds crazy to me. 

As ever, I think about what you would be doing - would you be working, would you be at university, would you have a partner? Would your hair be long, finally, or have you given up trying to grow it and just keep it short? Do you drive? Do you still live here, or have your own place? What have you been through with doctors and hospitals over the years?

I think about all that sort of thing a lot, but more so today. Today brings the daily stuff into sharper focus.

I think about what sort of interactions you would have with Dom and his fiancée Lucina. How would you and Jaysen be together? Would you be fussing over Molly now she's expecting her first baby with Korbon? What would you be doing for Tamsyn now she is he and called Theo? Would you be living with Kellie and I, or would we be coming to visit you are your place?

Regardless of any of that, I just want you to know that regardless of anything, as ever, you would be incredibly loved. You are still, incredibly loved. I think about you every day, and miss you every day. Today being your birthday brings it to the forefront of my mind more strongly, and I can't help but feel pain that you are not here, that I can't give you a birthday cuddle, or ply you with cake and presents. I miss having cuddles from that crazy little girl, and miss the fact I've not had cuddles from the bigger girl, the teenager and the adult. I can feel with every part of me, you would have done incredible things as you grew older, and almost pity everyone that never met you or knew you.

Everything about you made the world a better place my Bethy, and selfishly, I wish you were here, now, in the world, doing what you did best - making me laugh and giving the strongest little cuddles ever.

Happy birthday my beautiful little baby.

And as ever, I See You Baby...

Always.

Lots of love,

Daddy

   x

Molly Is 18!!

If you have the misfortune of following me on Instagram, you may have noticed a minor flooding today, with a single subject.

Molly - and the fact the she is eighteen years old today!

Considering I am such a benevolent dictator, I have allowed her to reach this milestone with a simple goal in mind - to spam embarrassing photos I have amassed of her over the years! So, this morning, I threw photo after photo of her on there... And, for the most part, they aren't flattering. Some eating, some mid-sentence, some of her being a spaz - but all unedited and honest.

I first met Molly in June of 2008, and she was just six years old. To word it politely, while we've always gotten along, she had a slightly rough temper, which even during her time at senior school, her teachers referred to her exploding as "going Full Molly", a phrase which we adopted here at home as well.

In 2013, Kellie and I married, and while we had lived together for a few years, it was at that point I was officially a stepdad. True, I had considered myself that already WAY before then, but that was the "official" step-dadding of me.

Mo and I have always been out and about together - as I have with all the kids, obviously - but Molly and I dick around A LOT. She laughs at the same childish crap that I laugh at (or do, or cause), we watch the same TV shows, we listen to the same music... I've never told her she has to like the stuff I like, but she and I are a lot alike.

And did I mention, childish shenanigans?

But I digress...

To my wonderful girl, Molly..

I hate I didn't get to meet you before I did - I would have loved to have known you as an ickle bubba, a toddler, a wee kid, but I'll take what I can get. Even when you were in your own angry little world, you would always sit and listen and talk to me about what was bothering you and what was upsetting you - well, unless it was me, in which case, you let me know it was me that was causing the world to end... And that was fine too.

But from there, you've grown from a grumpy kid to a stroppy teen to a moody  you've grown into a lovely, friendly, kind and, most importantly, a FUN adult. I've watched and helped you through schools, relationships, and whatever other things that have tripped you over. I've held your hand when the it seemed like the world had turned against you, and helped guide you through all the shit you had to deal with.

I don't want or need anything in return - I just want you to be happy. To enjoy life. To enjoy whatever it is that you do, whatever you choose to become.

You are no-ones fool. I don't believe for an instant that you will end up in a situation that you don't want to be in. I don't believe you can be coerced or talked into doing something you don't want to do. But the second you feel like you need help, you know that I am here, and always will be, to hold your hand and help with whatever it is.

Happy Birthday little Mo Mo. Welcome to being an adult. But even now you're an adult, you can still rely on me for anything you might need.

With all my love,

Dan

Regardless of you, dear reader, going on Instagram or not, I am going to re-post all the photos I posted there - here. Molly, in all her glory. I'm sure she is over the moon to see the photos that hit Instagram (and, by association, flooded onto Facebook too) all reposted here - JUST for her benefit.

And my amusement.

Nineteen...

Ok so I admit I am writing this on the 16th, but, well, I couldn't bring myself to do it on the 15th, Bethys birthday... Her 19th birthday no less.

It's now the middle of the night, and my mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions for close to 24 hours now, and while the last year has been absolutely crap, I need to blog for my beautiful baby's birthday.

As ever, it feels like just yesterday that she was born. Just yesterday the tiny little bundle was handed to me. That I held her tight and close before she was whisked off to the Intensive Care. Just yesterday that my little Bethy started fighting tooth and nail.

After all these years, I still remember her milestones - crawling, talking, walking, starting nursery... And I am loathe to admit that I even worked out late one night when Poppy would be the same age as Bethy when she left. And I see so much of Bethy in Poppy, it's uncanny. And now, I watch Poppy grow up, start hitting the milestones Bethy never did.
And of course, Poppy is fully aware of Bethany - she asks about her, talks about her, says things like what she and Bethy are going to do and have done together already... Yes, there is a lot of Bethy in Poppy - or, is there a lot of Poppy in Bethy?

Obviously, I know they are two different little girls separated by a vast gulf of time, but when I can think of Bethy as growing up "just yesterday" its hard to not imagine them growing up together. Bethy did this, so Poppy would do it too. Poppy is doing that, so Bethy would be doing it too. I find it hard to picture Bethy as being older than, well, ALL the girls - a year and a bit older than Molly, four years older than Tamsyn. I often wonder what affect "older" Bethy would have - would she be calm and sensible? Would she be disobedient? Would she be working like Dom, or at university like Jaysen? Would she find time to sit and play games with me, or prefer to sit and have a cuppa with Kellie?

"What If" is a dangerous game. It leads you down many roads that can cause hurt, pain, sadness - and it still does on many occasions. But sometimes, like now as I write this, I find myself smiling at the thought of Little Bethy and Poppy together, or Big Bethy and all of them together. That extra place at the dinner table, that extra cab to get us around, that extra ticket for the stupid plan we've decided on.

The 15th was a hard day. It was a sad day. But now, in the night, I'm done with being sad and upset. I'm thinking of my Baby Moo with a smile under the tears.

My beautiful birthday girl, Bethany...

I can't see that you would be nineteen today. The numbers don't sit right in my mind. Maybe it's not seeing you here, maybe it's not the reminders that you are growing up - well, grown up, as you would be. I can't correlate that crying little baby fighting her way through that first day, with a little girl turning nineteen years old.

I wonder what you'd be studying or doing - something in medicine maybe? Something with kids? Maybe you'd be a hairdresser, or an optician - hell, maybe you'd be the first girl something-or-other. Whatever you'd chose, where ever you'd have ended up, just know that you would always make me proud.

I was proud of you the from the first moment you balled those little fists up, let lose with that cry, right through to the bitter end, after bringing so much love into the world, and bringing together so many people to support one another. And even now, I am proud of every second you were around.

You are an amazing girl my little Bethy. You always have been, and you always will be. Where ever you are baby, I hope you are dancing and jumping and spinning and running, and loving the person you are, and the person you would have become.

I love you Bethy, and as ever, I see you baby, every single day.

-Daddy

18 Today...

Hard to imagine, but today would have been Bethany's 18th birthday. I would have another little grown up in my life, and I can only imagine what sort of person - adult - she would be after everything.

On the one hand, I am trying so hard to be positive today. I am trying so hard to not dwell on the fact that she has been gone for what seems like so long/just yesterday. I'm trying to remember all the funny, happy, silly Bethy moments. I am trying to not remember that last week of her life.

Today is her birthday, and while I cannot help but miss her and think about what she went through, I am thinking about her, the little person, the funny, crazy, dancing little angel that would cuddle anyone and everyone, would deal with everything she had to go through, and made everyone that met her just smile...

To my beautiful not-so-little-girl, my little gorgeous, Bethy.

Today, you would have been 18 years old. Today, you would be a proper adult, a grown up. You would probably be dinky still, and I hope you would still be the funny, silly, crazy person you were when you were little. I would hope you have a smile for everyone, and do what you want to do because it makes you smile, or makes you happy, or makes others around you happy.

You always showed me that, no matter what, you could be happy. You could smile for anyone no matter what. You could cuddle anyone, no matter how you felt. You were strong. You were brave. You put up with so much.

The world was a better place for you being in it... I cannot help but think with you no longer here, the world is a less happy place.

I remember holding you as soon as you were born, remembering how small and fragile you seemed. Your first week was full of drama, but you dealt with it all. Everything throughout your life, you accepted and took in your stride. You might not have liked it, but you never complained. I have never met a little girl as brave and as strong as you.

Your little sister Poppy has so much of you about her... She loves to cuddle, she loves to make people smile and laugh, and she has your naughty side too.

Where-ever you are, whatever you are doing, remember that you will always be missed, and always be loved. You are such an amazing little girl - now little lady - and I miss you every single day.

So happy birthday, my little Bethy. I hope where ever you are, you are dancing and spinning, laughing and giggling, and having fun with your angel wings.

I love you, I miss you... And I see you baby... Always.

-Daddy

Happy Birthday My Bethy

To my beautiful Angel, Bethany...

I can't believe you would be 17 today. That number boggles and blows my mind, and I can't help but think what you would be like at this age. Seventeen. You'd be looking to the future; College, University, Work, Boys NO BOYS...

Would you still be dancing? Would you be as strong-willed and stubborn as you were when you were four? Would you still love to sit with me and have a cuddle.

I think about you every single day, think about what you would be doing, what you would be like, what you would be in to... Seventeen years old, and I miss you as much today as I did the day you left. 

I'm sure you would give me a cuddle at this point. See me upset and give me one of your little fangy-smiles, wrap your little arms around my neck and squeeze. I know you would hate to see me sad and missing you, but I can't help but miss you.

Just know that you are still very much loved - even by those that never got to meet you - and very much missed.

So happy birthday my sweet little gorgeous. I miss you very much, but love you so much.

With all my heart,

Daddy
x

Is This Thing On?

So, turns out poor old 0ddness has been a bit neglected of late. A lot late. But, with yesterday being a momentous occasion, I figured I would appear out of lurkdom and grace you with my presence.

Yes, I still think a lot of myself. Go figure.

(FYI: Long Post Klaxon!)

Firstly, I was indeed 41 years old yesterday. Of course, I didn't realise it was my birthday this weekend until Wednesday when someone asked me which day it was. And when asked how old I was, I had to pause, and do some pretty complicated mathematics in my head to work it out.

So, with the freshest thing first, I'll start with yesterday - in which I became older, no wiser, sexy as ever, and generally continued to grace the world with my presence. As mentioned already. As is usual, I don't make a big deal of my birthday - I'm not into the whole party-hearty because I managed to not die for another year. Yesterday was nice and quiet and chilled out. My gift from Poppy was me tripping over her potty, and splashing pee all up my leg, so that was nice. And warm.

In August, I finally bit the bullet and started looking for a new doggo. Since I lost Sally Dog, I wanted something small and stupid with a wanky obnoxious name - but have been putting it off and putting it off. First we needed somewhere bigger. Then we needed money. Then with Poppy, we needed her to be less... Baby. So, last month, Kellie made some phone calls (and aside from avoiding a rather dodgy situation with what later turned out to be some travellers and puppy farming!) she found a lady with a couple of Jack Russell puppies. We travelled over to see them, a boy and a girl, and set to having a play.

The little girl - as a typical female - was probably just having an off day, and didn't seem bothered by us. The little boy was an idiot, wanted to lick my chin and eat my stubble, and seemed to like having cuddles. He also like being near Poppy (kind of important with THAT force of nature) and on top of that, didn't growl at Kellie - so he can't sense evil.

We took him home there and then, and since then, the little idiot has been charging around like a mad thing. Naming took a couple of days (He was just "dog" to start with!) and we toyed with everything from Dave to Kujo to Jeff to Gobshite... Eventually, however, remembering a dog my Great Uncle had maaaaany years ago, we opted for Lord Montgomery II. Granted, we call him Monty, but everywhere he's registered, the vets, his microchip, his insurance, his name tag - he is Lord Montgomery. Which the vets find hilarious.

He's such an idiot. No sense of how small he is, can't navigate a series of three steps without tripping over at least one of them, can go through a baby gate in one direction, but cannot work out how to come back through... He tries to leap up onto the sofa - but takes off about three feet too soon, so generally hits the front of the sofa face first. As I write this, he is snuggled against me, on my lap. Oh yes, he's a lap dog.

Him and Poppy get on like, well, a toddler and a puppy. I should sell the idea to Disney for their next Princess. A noisy troublemaker and a puppy, systematically destroying everything they go near - but everyone still loves them. For some reason.

Anyway... With Monty being my early birthday present, I didn't expect to get presents yesterday, but low and behold, a large box was produced. I was genuinely not expecting anything, so to unwrap it and find a brand new spanking shiny gaming laptop inside, I was shocked into speechlessness. I expected it to be a box with a brick in it. Or something explosive. Or divorce papers.

You see, last year, I made the transition from a PC Gamer to a PS4 Gamer. The PS4 was my birthday present last year. My old Aspire laptop - while still able to run a lot of things - was getting a bit rickety. It survived the Great Kicking of Kellie in 2012, it was resurrected after the Dropping Off Of Screen in 2013, and even last year, it survived the Great Coffee Flood...

The Second Great Coffee Flood, however, proved to be it's undoing. All seemed well for a week or so, then, in the immortal words of the great Nanny Plum, it went BANG. Literally, BANG. Complete with the Blue/Grey Smoke Of Electronics Doom.

I have no idea what died, though I suspect either the power gubbins or the processor, but it was Dee Eee Dee Dead. And that, I am afraid to say, was that for the laptop. Within a fortnight, my old wheezy Medion PC System also gave up the ghost, and has since been sitting on my desk staring at me like a corpse glaring at its murderer.

But now, I am back in the world of the living. I am still a PS4 Gamer, but am also once again a PC Gamer. And, MOST importantly, I can now get many many Gigabytes of data retrieved from my old systems. See, having no computer to speak of meant the laptop and the PC have been sitting there rotting, their four hard drives holding tightly onto lots and lots of photos from over the years - including a multitude of Bethy pictures.

Thankfully, after doing the Medion hard drives, all the photos from the last ten years or so are safe and sound and YES I've already backed it all up. Thank you Google Drive & Photos. Of course, the anally-retentive Dan has spent the last three days sorting the photos and putting them into the correct Month & Year folders... Because why wouldn't you?!

I've not had a look at my laptop drives yet - I have to confess, I am a little nervous to do so, mainly because of the spectacular way it exited the mortal coil... As long as there was no surge in electrickery or, you know, fire, I think they should be good.

So, moving on from the most important thing (Yes, still me), I move on to the wee little troll that is Poppy.

She is growing like a weed. All the new stuff we got her for the summer is already looking a bit little on her. Not that it matters too much, as she is currently going through her "Nekkid Toddler" phase and hates to wear clothing. And runs around without a care in the world. She looks so much like Bethany some days,it pulls at my heart strings, and she is SO much like her, from the trouble making, to the putting herself on the naughty step after intentionally doing wrong, to hiding her dummies, so when you take it away from her, another one appears out of nowhere! She is gorgeous, funny, stubborn and bright as a button.

She's now entitled to her 15 hours a week of nursery, and so - realising both how fast she's growing and how little she is, she started three mornings a week at a little nursery near us. At first, she was, shall we say.... Less than impressed... She's never really been away from Mummy or Daddy or Siblings or Nanny - and the first few weeks she did to get used to it in August... They did NOT go well. But with the girls at nursery helping out, we persevered, and now she hates NOT going to school. She's still doing exactly what Tamsyn did was she was small and lovely, and refuses to speak except in her own language. Since starting nursery, she is coming on more and more.

For those of you that don't follow me on Twitter or Facebook or whatever, she also had her first proper injury in the summer - she gashed open her forehead beside her eyebrow. Typical guilty daddy moment, I looked away from her for a few seconds, and down she went. Because she was wet, the blood went EVERY-fooking-WHERE and she looked like Carrie. It was awful. It was touch and go for a while if she'd need referring to another hospital for the plastics team that rebuilt Jaysens hand as it was so close to her eye, but in the end, it was nice and clean and not too deep. Steri-Strips and TLC, and she now has a scar above her left eyebrow, but with copious usage of Bio-Oil, I'm hoping that it fades more and more over time.

As I mentioned earlier, she and the dog love each other, and are generally always running around together. Where one goes, the other follows. If she curls up for a nap somewhere, he usually curls up with her too, and it is exactly what we wanted - for them to grow up together and be best friends. They play with each others toys, play with each other, and literally bounce off one another. Until they both flake out and have a nap...

And it's at times like that, the rest of us can sit for half an hour, have a breather, drink some coffee, clear up the chaos, and wait for it to start all over again - because when one wakes up, the other wakes up.

As for the other morons children in the house - well, I say children... Dom is 19, has moved on from being one of the managers at McDonalds, and now works at some big financial place doing something... Financial. Jaysen is 18 (19 in a few months even!), still in college studying something with animals, while working at the Dogs Trust a couple of times a week - and now he's considering University. Molly is 15 and in her last year of school, getting ready for her GCSEs. Tamsyn is 12 (but seems older?) and is shooting up like a bloody weed as well. Both Molly & Tamsyn go to Army Cadets twice a week, and it's definitely doing them both the world of good.

Jaysen: Being Special

Molly: Probably Sulking

Poppys Other Great Passion: Water!

Tamsyn: Not Actually My Son

My Classy Kellie

NERDS

Lucina (Doms better half), Molly (doing something with her fingers),
Kellie (squashed), Tamsyn (still a girl) and Poppy (trying to escape)

Tam & Mo with their detachment (Armed Forces Day)

Now, oddly, I cannot find any photos of Dominic that fulfil the following criteria. Firstly, I wanted a recent photo, and secondly, I wanted it to be of him fully dressed and not on the toilet. As it seems all the photos I have of him seem to be in his pants or on the loo, here's the next closest thing.

Dominic: Needs a Haircut

And so, after what can only be described as a wall of text and random photos (and a cauliflower) I will leave it at that... I can cover my medical rubbish any other time - probably at three in the morning when I feel shite, and all of Kellies medical rubbish is a blog post unto itself.

And yes, I am fully aware that while blogging has never been considered "cool", I still prefer it to most other forms of Social Media. And, while on THAT subject - while I might have things appear on Facebook, I do not actively go on there, and have not done so for a long time. Too much drama, bitching, politics, and what seems to be playground behaviour - so I continue to avoid that. I use Twitter now and then, and post pictures to Instagram occasionally. I am hoping - though I'm not making any promises - that now I am back with a screen and a keyboard and no danger of autocorrect, that I will manage to blog a little more regularly. Aside from that, if you play on PS4, feel free to add me - username is Danielson0

Until next time, you little crowd of nutters that made it this far!

Old Girl!

Believe it or not, the wee little thing we call "Molly" is another year older today, and somehow, the little moo-bag is fifteen years old!

FIFTEEN!

I'm sure it wasn't that long ago that I was sat in Kellies living room meeting these two little blonde kids, one of which was a seven year old girl that just wouldn't stop talking and asking questions about me... Who I am, where I'm from, what I do, what I watch..

I mean, she just would Not. Shut. Up.

And now, eight years down the line, she still talks and babbles and rambles on, still bombards me with random questions, though, being she's A) a girl, and B) a teenager, most of the babbling on is "and she said blah to him but I said no way to her then she said ugh to them and when he came in it was like oh my God what is he wearing but then she went up to him and tomato fruit basket lemon pie glass of apple cider rainbows lollipops oh my God is she still talking what the hell do I do I know just smile and nod but carry on watching the TV out the corner of my eye"

Again, she simply does Not. Shut. Up.

But, none the less, despite her not appreciating my wishing her a happy birthday just after midnight, not liking the words to a happy birthday song I sent her (below), nor seemingly appreciative of my "Birthday Dance In Just My Boxers" - let alone the "Cuddle In Just My Boxers" afterwards - here's to my no-longer-so-little Roley Moley, Chief Butt Scratcher, She Who Watches Me Pee, The One With The Sulks Of Doom, the female that generates more laundry than every other girl on the damn planet, and the girl that whose mood swings are so epic, even her teachers refer to her as going FULL MOLLY!

Happy Birthday my sweet (ish), little (ish), lovely (ish) girl. You're not as terrible as I tell you you are!

Sweet Sixteen

It's hard to imagine, and hard to write this - hence the delay in posting. But today, my beautiful angel, Bethany, would have been sixteen years old...

I can't wrap my head around it. Today, I've been flashing back to the day that she was born, and my memories are as fresh as they've always been. But those memories were intermingled with the day she left.

For the most part I've kept to myself today... Been watching TV, playing on my tablet, trying to keep myself busy. But now at half one in the morning, I'm laying in bed trying to keep my mind out of the bad places, remembering my Bethy as the beautiful, mad, funny, slightly mad little girl that I miss so dearly.

My beautiful girl, Bethy... 

Happy birthday my little angel. I can't believe you would be sixteen today. Where ever you might be, I can only imagine how gorgeous you must be, let alone the sort of person you would be. 

I am sure you are as brave and strong as you always were, and I know you are a beautiful girl. Friendly. Happy. Cheerful. Nothing phasing you as ever. 

I imagine you dancing, and doing every single thing you always wanted to do, without any limitations, nothing stopping you. At sixteen, I know you would be planning your future, college, work... I dread to imagine how many boys you would have wrapped around your little finger - the way I always was. But know that all those boys would have to go through your daddy first. 

Wherever you are, my sweet girl, whatever you are doing, I hope you are happy. That's all I have ever wanted for you. I just wish I could see you dancing, see the girl - the young woman - you would be turning into. I am absolutely sure you would be leading Poppy on with her shenanigans as well, and she would love her big sister. 

I miss you so very much my Bethy. I think about you all the time, I miss you, but love you so very much. 

Happy birthday Bethany. And remember, no matter what, I see you baby. 

I see you. 

Lots of love, 

Daddy x

Happy Birthday Baby

Hard to think that today, my beautiful Bethy would have turned 15 years old. Thanks to my brain being so tired of late, last night and today have been quite rough, but I've tried to keep my mind occupied...

Between a mixture of Sherlock, World of Warcraft, and Fringe, I've been able to carry on, but I know I'm distracted by her not being here.

Poppy has been all smiles and cuddles today, and when I got up with her this morning, we laid on the lounge floor playing... It's scary how much Poppy looks like Bethany, but then, being sisters it's sorry of expected.

To my beautiful Bethy,

Fifteen... It seems incredible to me that all those years ago, I was cuddling you, admiring how beautiful, little, wiggling - albeit a funny colour - you were.

I look back over all these years, and think of all the things you haven't been here for, but I know for sure you would still be the happy, cheerful, friendly little girl you always were... And you would be an amazing sister to this lot. You and Molly would be out and about together, you and Tam would be playing together, and you'd be an incredible big sister to Poppy...

And, no doubt, ruling the boys with an iron fist...

Not a day goes by when I don't think of you, let alone miss you. Today, you've been on my mind since the early hours, and I know you'd not want me to be upset and missing you..

So happy birthday, my beautiful angel. I see you baby, ever single day, and love you as much now as I always have.

All my love,

Daddy x

Sweet (ish) Sixteen

In order for my wife to feel eeeever so old today, she had the rather dubious award of being the mother to a sixteen year old! Today, Dominic reaches that milestone where nothing very much changes, except "Congratulations, you didn't piss off anyone enough to be killed. Yet"

As we lay here, Kellie and I in bed, Dom is lounging across the bottom of the bed and like all cool, chilled, hip youngsters, he's wearing his mum's Cow-print Onesie.

Yes, he has his stepdads dress sense.

Now, I've only know Dom since the summer of 2008, when he had not long reached that other milestone of "Made it to ten without being killed" but even that seems like a million years ago.

He was at junior school, played Sunday football, wouldn't play out far from home, ate whatever he had dished up, and was useless at doing his chores.

Now at sixteen, he's at senior school, goes to the gym, doesn't often wander far from home, picks out vegetables from his dinner, and is even more useless at doing his chores.

If anything, he's backsliding in his old age!

I feel quite lucky to have seen him - and to help him - grow up into a slightly scatty young man with a brilliant sense of humour and several hobbies and interests on par with my own. Six years may not seem like long to know someone, but I've seen him grow, spent countless hours talking about interesting things, not so interesting things, complete and utter shit, and at the bottom of the scale, his social life.

But, he's growing up into a brilliant adult.

So happy birthday Dom :-D I hope you have a great day, and carry on enjoying everything that you choose to do in the future!

Happy 13th Princess

It is most likely that a good majority of you know what today is, and that would be Bethanys birthday.

Today, she would have been 13 years old. My Baby Moo would be a teenager. OK, that is slightly scary, as I have been wondering what she would be like as she has grown up, let alone what sort of a teenage girl she would be...

I hardly seems possible that thirteen years have passed since that day at Guys, pacing around wondering and worrying, people all over the world waiting for someone to filter news down through the various grapevines, getting messages of luck and love on my phone until finally, I passed on word that the it was showtime...

I can still picture her exactly as she was when she was born, not the most beautiful of babies, but beautiful and perfect to me. All wrinkled and shrivelled, a very strange colour, but full of fight and energy.

Bless her, I so miss her.

Today, I am mostly being entertained and occupied by Kellie... An early-morning cinema visit (which, let's be honest, always feel SO decadent) then lunch, then, whatever... Maybe some drinks, maybe another movie, maybe a walk and a wander. Regardless of what happens, I am doing my very best to be in a good, happy place. I'm not saying I am plastering on a happy face and facing the world, but I am doing my utmost to think of the good things, the things she achieved, the people she bought closer across the world...

To my beautiful baby Bethy,

It is hard to imagine that where ever you are, you are a properly little lady today. Thirteen. I can hardly believe it. While I doubt very much you grew into a giant, I am certain that you are the most gorgeous, beautiful little girl anywhere - physically and mentally.

Where ever you are, I know you are not thinking about school, or careers, or anything else like that, but I can't help wonder what you are like. Attentive? Studious? A rebel?

Regardless of anything, all I know, is that I still love you with every ounce of my being and fibre. No matter how many arguments we would have had, are rules you would have rebelled against, or how many times you would have been grounded - I still love you completely.

It goes without saying - though I will say it anyway - that I hate you are not here, that I can't see you, I can't hold you, I can't say these words to you face to face. I wish things were different, and that your cheeky little face was still a part of my life, and not just an image from a dream, or out the corner of my eye. I still miss you every single day, but I am celebrating your birthday for you my baby. 

Kellie is helping me, taking me out, making sure I am OK, and keeping me focused on the good. I wish so much you two could have met - I know that the two of you would have gotten on so brilliantly, and she too would have fallen under your spell.

To you, my darling Bethy, happy birthday. Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, know you are loved and missed terribly. I still see you baby, every day.

With all my love,

Daddy

Fifteen!

Despite everything I have ever said - along the lines of "I'm going to kill the little shit!" - somehow, today marks Jaysens 15th Birthday!

Happy Birthday Jaysen!

When your eldest child reaches another birthday, you can't help but look back to everything over the years - how they've grown, developed, learned, and - in his case - injured himself.

Yes folks, aside from my rugged good looks, my superior brain and general attractiveness to people. Jaysen has also inherited my minor case of Accident-Prone-itus. As he proved while on holiday last month and literally tearing his knee a new one.

But aside from that (and the qualities he has gained from yours truly) I am so proud of him, how he has grown, and the person he is turning into.

To my little boy, Jaysen...

Fifteen? I cannot believe that you are 15. Sometimes, it feels like you've been around longer. Other times, I wonder where the cheeky nekkid-boy has run off to. Even though I know that, at heart, you are still that cheeky nekkid-boy.

I am still amazed at how you are growing, learning, and hope with every fibre of my being that you carry on as you are - funny, interesting, intelligent (sometimes) and smart (occasionally). All I want for you in life is to be happy, healthy and successful.

Happy I think you've got covered - you have my sense of humour, and enjoy laughing almost as much as I do.

Healthy sounds cliched, it's what every parent wants for their children - and while I don't count the idiot-related injuries, I hope you keep yourself healthy.

Success is not a score you can track easily. Some people count success as their job and the money they earn. Others by the possessions they have in their life. A million different people mark success by a million different things - but as long as you feel successful, then I am happy.

My message to you this year - and now I KNOW you are of an age where you read these and have probably since read back over your previous birthdays - is to keep on being you. Don't fall into the trap of having to conform to what someone else wants. Work hard, but remember to have fun. Study and revise, but as long as you try your absolute hardest, then that is what counts.

Happy birthday little man... I love you very much, and am proud of everything you have achieved in life - and I am sure will continue to achieve.

-Daddy
(Yes, Daddy. I'll always be your daddy)

Ketchup War: The Loser

His only talent...

Hanging With Religious Icons

Dodging the Punch

Aftermath of a Rough Night

Such A Cool Dude

Soggy

When Jaysen & Molly First Met
(She looks SO young!)

The Day He Tore His Arse Cheek

 

 

Manly Men