Playing Catchup

Oooh I am soooo punny today that it hurts...

Obviously - and due to the complaints I've been getting - 0ddness hadn't been updated for six days.  Shocking, I know, but I did have things to blog, I just never got around to doing it.

For one, I've been staying with Kellie over the weekend, and Thursday I was with her too for her dentist appointment.  Yes folks, someone more of a coward than me.  Before then, I was with Ruth on Wednesday, Kellie again on Tuesday, and...

You know, I'm not actually sure what I did on Monday.

This weekend just gone was really nice once again.  Friday we spent the evening at her local with her friend Kerry and her family...  We weren't there all night, as the kids were with us too (her kids of course, mine were sold off to a rich family in need of chimney sweeps) but had a great time.

And me as ever forced myself to talk and be social, which didn't actually take that long to get into.  I was greeting strangers, talking about pretty much everything, answering questions about me and my life... Oh, and me and Kerrys geek of a brother talked WoW for a while too ;)

Saturday day time we had a wander around town, shipped her kids off, chilled out (watched a chick flick!) and then got ready to go out for the evening.  All afternoon the girls were debating what to do, while me and Kerrys other half, Paul, pretty much nodded and agreed.  We opted for the cinema, and went to see Hancock which was excellent.  Think a fair amount of people didn't like it, but I loved it.

Up yours movie critics.

Sunday was spent lounging in bed till close to midday - watching politicians on the TV get asked a simple Yes/No question, and give a five minute rambling speech that didn't actually answer the question.  Then we showered, shopped, pissed around in the kitchen till I had to come home...

And here we have another pissy moan about the bus company.  As it happens, the last bus I keep missing - they changed their timetables a week or two back - but failed to update the time table at the bus stop.  AND the time table on their own web page.  The drivers were more pissed off than I was thanks to all the complaints they are getting!  However, after a bit of digging, I found a new timetable on a third party website.

So thanks First Bus.  You suck.

Anyhoo.  With Jaysen finishing school tomorrow, the summer holidays are so close I can almost taste them.  And much to the chargrin of the population of Canvey, I am spending the first week of the holidays there. 

Jo and myself have been chatting about the kids and the holidays, and we've worked out we'll pretty much be having both kids together at the same time for a week each.  So, on my way home yesterday I stole both monsters, and Jo will get them back next Sunday.  Easy Peasy.

Except.

Well, this week is going to be AAAAAALL over the place.  Jaysen is at school tomorrow.  Then once I have everything sorted and together, I'll be heading to Kellies.

With Jaysen and Tam
And a suitcase.
And a buggy.
And Sally Dog.

All on the bus.  Yes folks, I intend to get all THAT on a bus, AND to not have any problems.

Wednesday, Kellies kids are at school for their last day, so we'll be out an about.  Then in the evening we're at a kids birthday party.  Then we have to keep them occupied till Saturday - at which point, Kellies oldest is off to his dads, then my lot, plus Kellie and her little one, all my shite - BACK to Basildon, to mine, dumped off here, sorted out, then off to Gemmas for Zóés naming thingiemajigg... 

Yeah, it's exhausting me just thinking about it!

But that's not all - I've got to get the house as tidy as can be in the next fourteen nanoseconds as tomorrow... BUSY!  Up and out, school run, then to Sarahs to... Shave her dog.  Then it's into town and shopping with Ruth.  Then home, with as much clearing up and sorting out as possible before the school run...  THEN to Kellies...

Wish me luck on that...

And lastly, please raise your middle finger in salute to my local council for royally bending me over and inserting things into deep dark holes.  Thanks to them being the most unsympathetic people sitting behind desks, I've not got to sell a couple of kidneys. 

Thanks guys!

A Strange Day

Last night was a rather naff night.  For one, it was hot and humid.  For two, I've spent the last couple of nights with Kellie, so my normally large, cool, comfortable bed just seemed a wee bit... Empty.

On top of this, my mind was wandering to icky, unpleasant places, namely, Guys Hospital.  All I could think of was Bethy and her last days.  Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her and all the ickiness involved.

I was drifting in and out of sleep all night - strange dreams and nightmares but I think I was mostly awake, plus things were different, wrong... The people around at the time, the layouts of the rooms and everything else - it was the same but different, if that makes sense.

I think the last time I looked at the clock it was pushing 5am, and somehow, I managed to turn off my 0615 and my 0645 alarms.  Luckily, my panic button, Ruth, called and woke me up.  Did the morning school run, and went with her to see her youngest at sports day...

Nice to see the world is still as mental as ever - Sports Day once again had no winners of losers, and this year it seemed worse than before... The "track" they were running on was twenty... Maybe thirty feet long.  The kids were in teams of 8-10 so it was run, then sit and wait for all those in front of you to run.  And when I say "sit" I don't mean "pop your bum on the school field" no no, the kids were provided chairs to sit on.

One of the teachers then went into detail about how last year in the Parents Race, they let the kids run with the adults - one of the dads fell down and hurt his kid.  Not sure if it was "hurt" in as much as a bumped wee one, or if it was a "hurt" in the bad way.  So, with this in mind, the parents race - Adult and Kid.

There was no "well done" ceremony.  No winners, no losers, no certificates or anything.  Even though the kids were split into five teams, no team excelled or was congratulated.  The teachers seemed pretty much "So, what event do you want to do now?" and couldn't be arsed.

Highly Amusing...

Anyways, me bitching about all that actually cheered me up some, and after, I went back to Ruths for a coffee till she had to go out.  Once home, I couldn't get motivated, so sat listening to loud music, while kinda sorta doing housework.  I nodded off in my chair but forced myself back up or I know I'd not sleep tonight.

Did the afternoon school run, had another coffee at Ruths, came home and set up a freeview box on the telly - Jo and Steve had it knocking around, and as my Sky TV died, and I ditched Telewest, I've had no telly in the house.  Fine for me, but the kids we're best pleased ;)  Bad Daddy!  Anyways, they have TV to watch once again so that's something.

And now, I decided to clear my head a bit and blog myself out.  Obviously, I've done quite a lot of quizzey thingies - I tag all of you to do them if you're bored.  My head is back in a good place, and Kellie is here tomorrow...  As is a man about the fence - the same one that went over LAST spring.  Finally, they are going to "assess" what needs doing...

Helloooo.... I need five new fence panels, three new posts, all six feet wide and seven feet tall.  Just like the last THREE guys have said.

Amazing what snotty letters can do ;)

Busy Weekend

First off - if this post appears as a sheer WALL OF TEXT then I apologise... I think it might be a Beta thingie... This has been a rather fantabulous weekend, if I do say so myself. Friday daytime saw me and the Peanut whizz over to Canvey to see Kellie, where my pretty young girlie to us out to lunch at her local pub. Yes folks, being that I am a sad sad single father, she bought US lunch.

Who am I to argue - women want equality and all that ;)

As per usual, time whizzed by, and as I had to get Ruths girls from school too, we had to leave a little earlier "just in case" It's one thing doing the Bad Daddy thing and forgetting your son, it's a WHOLE new game to fail to collect your best friends kids because you're out schmoozing with a lass.

Friday evening I was babysitting Ruths girls. Being that I am SUCH a good person, I bought Ruth a ticket to see a psychic with her friend. As it happens, her friend Paul was down for the weekend, so he and I sat chattering, drinking beer and being bastards to the four kids in the house; Ruths two, Pauls one, and Ruths nephew.

Now, I HAD taken over the very very stunning movie Cloverfield to watch, but someone decided that watching Big Brother was a better option. A couple of texts from Kellie - who was out on the town with her friends - made me smile during the evening, and once Ruth got in, I headed home, popped some pills and flopped into bed. Tired and Achey, and a night to myself.

Half an hour later, I get a message from Kellie, and then till nearly 4am, I was texting and phoning her as her Fun Night Out took a turn the other way. But, as I promised, I won't mention that here... I think it was the police requesting not to talk about the case...

*ahem*

Saturday, my nieces birthday. Kellie rolled into mine around ten in the morning, we ran some errands (Well, I ran, she tagged along trying to wake up), before we popped on a bus, went to Jo's, kidnapped Jaysen and Tam, and then headed to Gemmas. We were at Amys party till seven that evening or so, and poor Kellie had THAT sort of afternoon...

Bear in mind she already knows my mum and Gemma, this was our first time out as "a couple" to a family thing. And, of course, the entire family turned up. She met mum, and Gemma, and my mums mum, then my dad, his wife, my half sister, my dads mum, and then my uncle and aunt.

The latter reads this blog, so everyone wave to my Auntie Di. Use big movements tho - she's partially sighted, going deaf, and all that other old-biddie-stuff.

Anyways, Kellie pretty much got thrown in at the deep end, and we stood off to one side, gossiping with the Aunt and Uncle. The Uncle that is a police officer. That Kellie recognised. Who also recognised Kellie...I think I need to investigate that avenue of fun ;)

We left, dragged my kids back to Jo who was at her parents - so Kellie then got to meet Jos mum and dad for good measure. We trundled across town, got on a bus driven by a man who wasn't sure what route he was on (Whooo!) and arrived home safe and sound.

"Wanna watch Cloverfield?" I ask? The affirmative reply meant shoes back on, and trundle to Ruth where I had left the DVD.

Ruth was home, Paul was still there, and Alyce (She of the Serpents of DOOM) turned up at the same time as us. We chatted, took the piss, had a laugh - and then the three girls started talking about shoes. Me and Paul compared socks...

Back home, DVD on, Kellie jumping like a girly girl. All good. Then, for good measure, on went Lee Evans Live in Scotland:


You can rummage through YouTube for more of it ;)

After that finished, we went off to bed... And there we stayed. Till FOUR this afternoon.Get yer minds out the gutter.

No kids, no plans, a few coffees... We literally spent the entire day in bed. Talking, messing around, snoozing... The only reason we had to get up was because the erstwhile Ms Kellie had to get home for her kids. She was out and on the bus at half five, and I've kinda poodled around since then.

Jaysen got back at 8pm, we in bed by half eight, and then I decided to blog.

Um... and that's that really :D

So how was your weekend!

Edit: Having a couple of issues with this post - typos not being noticed by spell checkers, bad grammar, and the formatting went mental a bit ago too :S

In The Dead of the Night

There's one thing I never really managed to get to grips with in my life. Since my teenage years, I've never gone to bed and slept right through. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I will go to bed and not wake up till I have to, but most nights I take ages to get to sleep, wake up all night on and off, and then finally, when I need to get up, I don't want to.

Last night, however, I was pretty much blown awake by... Well, I don't know what. I was on the phone to my pretty little lady till late, and fell asleep fairly quickly - I was knackered. Then for no reason at all, I woke up with a shock.

You know when something is just wrong and you need to find out what. I didn't know if I had heard something out of place, if I had caught a strange smell, if I had had a bad dream... Something was wrong and not what it should have been.

So I ran up the stairs - literally ran UP to the kids rooms. Both asleep, snoring, quiet, comfy. OK, so not them. Checked their windows - not that I suspected someone to be tapping on the third story window of a house - but all fine. Plodded back downstairs - avoided the crazy driver on the landing - and checked all the doors and windows of the house. Nothing, all locked, closed (or open a bit for the small windows) and secure.

The dog was sound asleep on the sofa doing the Possessed By Demons shit with her eyes, rolled back into her head, so she'd obviously been asleep for a while. Dipstick was curled up on my chair and gave me a "What time do you call this" look. Bast was asleep on the dogs bed in the hall and just watched me go by.

Nothing in the house was wrong, strange, out of place... But the sense of foreboding I had was palpable. I very nearly picked up the phone and called a couple of people, but held fire. I hate my phone ringing in the dead of night - it scares me as it's always bad news. The last thing I wanted to do was inflict that on someone else.

I went back to bed and took ages to settle down again - half four, the last time I looked at the clock. I was waiting for something to happen, and nearly crapped the bed when Tam appeared at my door and wanted to get in bed with me at three.

I feel fine again this morning. Tired, knackered, but no bad feeling. Quite often when I get a bad feeling, there is usually a reason, so watch this space...

Almost One of Those Days

My life has been very tranquil of late. Mainly because there is very little that is actually getting to me, thanks to walking around like a grinning idiot for the most part. My life has become this really strange - in a good way - thing that I barely recognise.

I have a tan for heavens sake! NOT monitor burn, not lightbulb poisoning, but a real, bona fide Sun Tan.

Today, however, has kinda pushed my limits just a teeny bit. Nothing bad has happened, but it was borderline to me standing up, arming myself with a cricket bat, and fighting the zombie hordes in those around me.

I should have know it'd be a good one when one of the kids left a rather sharp-and-pointy toy car on the landing last night. I stumbled out of bed, and was subsquently run over by the afore-mentioned car. It got off relatively unscathed, but me, the pedestrian, suffered serious damage to my ego. Oh, and a cut toe. Ouch. Not the best way to wake up.

Then I couldn't understand why the kettle wouldn't boil for a coffee. I kept clicking the switch on it, checking it was seated correctly, checked the socket was turned on, checked the water level wasn't too low. Fifteen minutes it took me to figure out the plug in the socket was for the tumble dryer, and that the kettle plug was sitting on the work top waving at me.

Then the school run was fun, as Ruth couldn't leave at the same time as me... So I had to do the school run with a 15-16 year old brother of some of the kids, but for the most part, I was in charge. Jaysen and Tam. Ruths two girls. A friends girl that had to be taken in by us. The twins in Jaysens class. Their sister. Me, eight kids. You can imagine, right?

Then, finally, the chaos ebbed, and me and the Peanut jumped on the bus to Canvey to see Kellie. Except the driver had no idea what I meant when I asked for a "Canvey Rover" ticket. Every other bloody driver knew what I mean what I asked before now, but no no... So I had to explain I wanted a rover ticket, that let me travel TO and FROM Canvey Island.

The journey was dull and altogether too slow. Tam was good as gold for me, and we sat playing. I had Kellie stay at hers too - usually she has to meet me in order to guide me through the rabbit warren to her place, but I have solved it. So the first I saw of Kellie this morning was her greeting us at her front gate.

All that stuff - which I will gloss over to protect you lot - was very very good. The only downside to it all was she has germs. A sore throat, to be exact, and while she pressed on, over the day she slowly got more and more icky. So the germs had me all growly too.

Then Father Tim, the old bastard, decided to speed up the course of time so the hours and hours we had together lasted for around about seven microseconds. So, we left her place in plenty of time, she escorting us to the bus stop so we could say bye bye as I left. However, due to gravity and Tam wearing the worlds most diabolically evil shoes we had a minor mishap that resulted in a scraped knee, a really scraped elbow, and Daddy (In his new white tee shirt) getting covered in blood. But, with time still to spare - ten minutes - we arrived at the bus stop. Even told someone arriving after us that no, they had not in fact missed the bus.

I HATE when a bus is late. Even more so when it just doesn't show up at all leaving me watching the clock tick closer and closer and, indeed, closer to School Finishing Time. When it became apparent that I, the bad father, would not be at school in time, I got Ruth on the case so at least my son wouldn't be abandoned at the school gates. The next bus told us that the previous one was stuck a ways back... Out of petrol. HOW?! Surely the little arrowy-gaugey thing says "Fill Me Up Please!"

So the journey back to Basildon took forever. Then all the shitty school kids got on and pissed around. Shouting, yelling, effing and blinding (I'm allowed to swear on here, this is MY blog!) and pressing the stop button over and over. Me and Tam evacuated and headed to Ruth where my son was being held. I'd like to say he broke down when I arrived back, that he missed me, and was upset I had forgotten him... No, he sat eating his ice pole.

Ruth made me a coffee and the kids played. My two, her two, plus one... Then plus another when Alyce arrived with one of her, like, forty three kids ;)

Five of the PM rolled around, so we left for dinner, with the kids chattering at one another which became moaning, then whining then all-out fisticuffs. So Shouty Daddy had a moan and they cheered up. Salad, nibbly bits and tuna mayo for dinner, most of which got eaten. Then the scraps got knocked over. Sally won't clear up salad.

Pathetic mutt.

So I cleaned that up, went downstairs, washed up, came back up to find a previously unexploded mine had detonated under the kids toys, showering the entire lounge - desk and sofa included - with toys, dolls, lego, games, bits of bits, bits of bobs...

We spent an hour clearing up, only for Jaysen to "find" that the bin in the bathroom was humming. And I don't just mean it stank to high heaven... No no, it was breeding little flies. I have been seeing them in the bathroom for the last couple of days, but just assumed it was the damp curtain "bringing them in" but it turns out my delightful son has been hiding food he doesn't want in there... I pulled it out and nearly gagged.

Seriously, it smelled like a corpse under all the tissue and stuff he had padded it down with. Blergh. So that bag rapidly went THE HELL OUT, the bleach came out, the air freshener came out... I can still smell rancid grossness. I wouldn't mind if I could smell it before hand, and I am sure had Kellie noticed it day before yesterday, she would have said something.

Bed time then could not arrive fast enough, and once they were tucked into bed, I stumbled downstairs, exhausted...

And got hit by that fucking car again.

All Stations: GO!

Some days my life is fairly quiet. OK, when I say "some days" I mean "Rarely, every now and then" On the other side of the coin, other days are what you might call, a wee bit busy.

And then there are days like today where there probably aren't quite enough minutes in the day in order to do everything you need to do.

Before you say it, yes I know I am sat on my fat arse blogging, but a boy needs a break. And a coffee. Or a vallium. A vallium latté to go, maybe.

Seeing Kellie as much as I can at the moment has been a case of weekends, plus Mondays and Wednesdays. However, this week, yesterday I had to go into Lakeside with some short chick to get hooked up on Orange mobile broadband, so was out pretty much from half ten onwards, and didn't get back till gone two - so that blew our Monday hookup. Wednesday Kellie usually has college, but as she finished last week, it was a case of arrange for one of us to go see the other. Before we made any proper plans, she and her best friend arranged to go out.

Of course, there's no way I'd come between a girl and her bestest best friend. Sod that. I've seen them together sober and that was scary enough ;)

Which of course, meant that I left Kellies Sunday, and wouldn't see her now till Thursday - however, that's the day me and Ruth go shopping to restock. And as I am going to Kellies at the weekend, it would have been Friday afternoon till I saw her.

Hmmm, this rambled longer than I thought it would :D

So with a lot of re-arranging and jiggling times, dates, people and everything, we've had a new plan. Kellie and her kids are jumping on a bus there after school today to come here. Then I am feeding them all, they are staying over, and leaving at Silly-o-Clock in the morning to get the kids back to school, so Kellie and her friend Kerry can have their girlie day out.

Exhausted from just reading it?

So, this means that with three extras coming over, and me going into panic mode regarding dinner, I had to rush out this morning and buy food. Let's just say YAY for various salads and fresh stuff that I will be making - as suggested by Ruth this morning as she held the mask over my face to prevent the hyperventilating ;)

On top of feeding them, I actually need to have a quick clean up - which isn't that much, but none the less, it's housework. Which, coupled with the fact I have someone over this afternoon... Manic. Because my claim for housing benefit and tax benefit has been significantly altered, they are sending out an inspector to make sure I am not committing fraud. I assume, by not housing a boat-load of immigrants or something equally strange.

This inspection is due between 12-3, despite me warning them I am out from half two on school run. If he turns up then, I'll be pissed. So I have to clean, while waiting for Fella McBlokey to turn up, while doing some washing up, while preparing dinner, while doing a school run, while making sure the beds are made, that the kids rooms are tidy (ish, I'm no miracle worker) and generally not having a breakdown.

**Mushy Alert**

Of course, the fact that I get to see Kellie again is aaaaall kinds of good, even if it's only going to be for a few hours. Doesn't matter how much stuff I have going on, I'm still all fuzzy and smooshy and stuff.

Ya'll can just live with it or read elsewhere

Lé Weekend

I had an extremely great weekend. The kids had a great weekend. We chilled out Friday, Saturday was manic with football practice, walks to the beach (and subsequent wet kids), walks home, then Kellies best friends kids were over for the night. Kellies eldest boy went to his dads, which put the household on two adults, my two kids, one of Kellies kids, and three of Kerrys kids. 3, 4, 6, 7, 9 and 10 years of age.

Plus me and Kellie.

Still, they had a great time, were fed, staggered bedtimes starting from eight in the evening ranging till ten. Then it was adult time time for us to chill out. I wrote "adult time" then realised how it sounded... Ya damn pervs!

Sunday morning was even more amusing - six kids plus me and Kellie to get sorted, all needing food, then a rather "Had One Too Many Last Night" best friend needing a coffee. I was all sweetness and light and didn't make any loud noises or anything... *ahem*

Then it was off to the fair with everyone, meeting family and friends and extended family, food, drink... Oh and a close shave with Sun burn ;)

As much as we hated to go, we left around five ish, and went straight to Jo's parents so I could drop off an exhausted Tam, then me and the boy had the grand plan of walking home.

Half seven we got in last night.

Tiiiiired much!

Still, I am chalking this weekend up to "Full of YAY!" and hobbling the boy to school...

A Mixed Bag o' Stuff

Today has been... erm... a little bit up and down, really. I'm not sure about the rest of the world out there, but over here, it was Fathers Day. Now, I think I might have touched on it before, but it's really not a day I associate with good times. Firstly, I don't need a day for my kids to tell me they love me, that I'm great or anything else - it's like an annual review... If I were a bad daddy, would I have been fired today? Would I have been put on probation and demoted (to mummy....!)

Anyway, without going into all the detail - those who know, know - my main reason for not liking Fathers Day is the fact that it is made abundantly clear that I am missing one.

Despite having been up on cloud nine for the last couple of weeks, today loomed, and marched inorexibly forwards till I woke up this morning and thought the most profound of thoughts.

"Arse"

So, with Ruth having her family down, I called her to make sure she was up and at 'em. Then I rolled out of bed, sorted myself out, threw on some clothes, and left the house. I only had one place on my mind. Bethany's Garden.

I walked there which in itself is a fair walk, but I NEEDED to do it. I've been thinking about it of late, and since the split knew I would have to go there. For ME, before anyone asks. So, I didn't tell anyone because I knew people would say things like "Good luck" and "You can do it" and other messages that would make me NOT want to go. I didn't plan it, simply because if I knew I was going on Day X at Time Y, I wouldn't go.

I even turned my phones off.

Walking there with my music, no problem. Lovely day, all was good. Got up there and went straight to her garden, where I knelt and felt sad but wasn't crying. Thanks to the rather mental weather, the grass up there has had a mental spurt and was growing through, so I pulled up a load of grass, emptied some dead flowers out and stood up little toys that had been knocked over. I sat up there for a little while, talking softly to her, before heading out.

And that is when I lost it. Not the going. Not the seeing. Not the talking to. But turning away from her and walking from where she is. Just like the day I lost her. I didn't hide my tears - I wasn't going to make excuses to anyone for them, and got to the gates, where I called Jo to let her know where I was. We had a little chat, and she told me her plans to redo it in the coming weeks.

I finished chatting to Jo and felt a bit more with it, and sent a couple of messages off to Kellie - she was out with her extended family-that-isn't-but-none-the-less having a party, so I didn't call her. Then I noticed the texts received, missed calls and voice mail alerts.

Turns out just after I left the house, Ruth tried to call - I was supposed to take my big pan to her as she was feeding the five thousand, but had forgotten and was out. Of course, Dan not answering one of his three phones, not responding to text nor voice mail, and, as far as the world knew, still at home.

Yeah, you can see where this is going.

So I panicked Ruth, who in turn woke up Cel (who has a key for dog-purposes) as Silent Dan is pretty much unheard of. So I had to speak to her and apologise for being incommunicado. Panic over, though it did make me smile a little. Especially as I knew the main bolt was on my front door, so Cel's key would have done precisely nothing - well, aside from make the girls actually urinate in their undies.

On the way home - walking, still - I had a few texts from Kellie which made me smile and cheered me up a bit more. By the time I got in, I was pretty much OK, just a bit sad still. Sad is better than batshit mental ;)

I grabbed some food and headed to Ruth with my pan, having someone tell me en route that I "looked like a bit of a mental" to which I replied "No, it's OK, I'm just a pot dealer" and wiggled my very large saucepan at him. Got to Ruth, sat down for a coffee and her tribe arrived. Then they left and I quickly mowed her lawn (which, I should add, had also gone f'king mental from this weather!) which I did a stunning job of. Then we had a chat and I went back home.

Once home, I sat and watched the last of House, Season Three (Oh, and thanks to the writer to include a little blonde girl that needs heart surgery, suffers a stroke, and her fav. toy is her stuffed bunny), while drinking coffee and chilling out. Oh, and hearing from Kellie on how her day was going - short description might be "mad house". Then, early evening, the boy came home and we chilled out together for a while, sharing weekend stories as we do, till he had a shower and went to bed. Well, just before he went to bed, Lane turned up to see how I was doing. She started trying to go depressive on me, so I beat her up a bit and kicked her out of the house. With Sally not sure if she should be attacking me or attacking the stalker... So she covered both bases before Lane drove off.

And finally, after all day of both of us being all over the place, I finally managed to get Kellie on the phone, and we sat and talked, and grinned, and giggled and sat quietly... Ahhh shuddup ;) It was my longest phone call since... erm... wow, ever I think! Just over two hours we talked. Can you tell I miss her.

Rhetorical question ;)

After that, I fiddled around on Plurk for a while - if you don't use it, learn, because it's great. And then, while laying here trying to sleep, I decided I needed to blog.

So, as you can see, as is usual for Chéz 0ddness, it's been a bit of a strange day really. I think I covered a good range of emotions! But even with ALL that, with everything going on - I'm still off the meds!

And in other news, as a side note, a PS or addendum... I've added a couple of new blogs to the side bar you should go read!

Geek Mama: Does as it says on the tin. She's a mummy... That's a geek.

OK, erm... *blush* the other two appear to have NOT saved - so I will add them to this list in the morning! Oopsie... I'm tired, sue me! Otherwise, I am feeling good once again. Really good. Me and Kellie have spoken about a lot of stuff that I've had in my little "Bag of Stuff", but she accepts I'm a bit of a mixed bag, and is quite happy with that. I know there are times I can be a bit... or, rather, a lot... Dan. I'm not what I would consider a normal, stable person, but she seems to like me for me, which is the most important part. Thankfully, we agree this is me:


Thank you Mr Shrek, for describing me perfectly ;)

I Got A Lurgy

As I alluded to in my previous, I am poorly. Sunday night I noticed I had a bit of a scratchy throat (which is usually the first sign of an incoming yuck) and Monday morning, it was still there, with his friend, Mr Snotty Nose.

Of course, the weather report lulled me into a false sense of security with terms like "Extremely high pollen count" being bandied around. So I crossed my bits and hoped for that. Over the next couple of days, my energy levels crapped out, my aches and pains took over and I felt icker and icker.

I don't like feeling Ick.

While in town shopping today, I was struggling to walk, to keep up with Ruth (which is saying something...) and just wanted to sit. I even paid cash-money for flu meds which did sweet F-A. We got back to Ruths and I was sweating, freezing cold and felt crap. Ruth offered to get Jaysen, and when Jo said what time she'd be bringing Tam over, I called her, coughed in her general direction, and asked pretty please if she could keep her for a bit longer, which she was fine with and also offered to get Jaysen so I can just sleep.

Jaysen got in from school, and I flaked out on the sofa - he woke me up when Jo arrived to get him, and I flopped back on the sofa and watched the two movies to keep focused otherwise I'd not sleep tonight.

So, here I am sorting crap out before bed, waiting for the handful of meds to kick in and send me to La La Land for a few hours.

Dan is poorly. I tried to push through, but I had to throw in the towel. I just feel like a bit of a failure to be honest - having to rely on Jo to have the kids because I am poorly, yet the other single parents can deal with it without assistance. Next time I'll try better ;)

Now if you will excuse me, my head is ready to pop, my everything is hurting, and I need another drink. Yes yes, keep hydrated and all that.

Nighty night.

It's Busy Bunny Me!

Fair to say there has not been much in the way of actual, bona fide content here on the blog for the past week... Or two.. ish. Also, it would be fair to say that I've been pretty much out of the loop in regards to keeping the world up to date on my mental health (or lack of), my physical health (or lack of), nor my normal, averagely boring day-to-day crap.

The reasoning behind all this is because I've been so fricking busy. Or, as Cassandra would say, "Oot an' Aboot" Or something similar - I usually screw up the spelling, but I am sure she'll throw something at me from the States ;)

For those that enjoy reading doom, gloom and suffering, then this post may well be something you won't enjoy reading. See, despite everything that has gone on over the last couple of months, I am doing good.

No, scratch that. I am rocking, kicking ass, winning, smiling, grinning... Dare I say it, but life is... Good. And I can't even thank blame my Happy Brain Medicine because I am sloooowly weaning myself off it. Granted, I'm not actually OFF it yet, and where as missing a dose a few months ago would see me twitching and zapping like the energiser bunny shorting out, I am now going three days between doses. Three! It's going to take time I think, and I'm dealing with some very interesting side effects by the end of day three, but I'm manly, I can cope ;)

I've been busy as a box of frogs trying to escape their prison. Mainly, I've been helping Ruth with various stuff - not that she's been slave-driving me. I had to say that. I can't deal with her moaning at me again. I offer to help with her garden, kitchen, shopping or whatever. Of course, on top of that, I've also had to deal with my personal favourite pass-time... The Rumourmill.

I know I've said it before, but people, here's a little peek into my head. Ruth has been a friend for many years. No, we're not doing the horizontal mumbo. No, we're not secretly a couple. No, I'm not using her to look after me, and No no no, she is not using me to help her out. Yes, she is a girl. Yes, I am a boy. When I say "I am going to have dinner at Ruths", that doesn't mean "I'm going to shag". It may have escaped the attention of a few persons, but pretty much ALL my friends are girlies. It just happens that Ruth lives *over there*. Next time the Web Cam is on, picture the scene - the Blood Red House of Death - his back garden pretty much joins onto Ruths back garden.

I'm not naming names, pointing at culprits or anything like that. But next time you ask, I will tell you what you want to hear, and then mock you when it comes back and bites your bum.

Anyways.

Last weekend saw me travelling to what I considered to be a local warzone of dodgy people. I freely admit I was wrong. If there is a war there, it's all completely hidden from the average passer-by (me). A few months back, I managed to find an oooold friend on Facebook. Or vice versa. I forget which, but still. When my Mum and StepDad moved us into Blackmores, (Oooh can see my garden and mums car!) the family next door had a daughter, Kellie, the same age as me. Kellie, Jay and Myself were the oldest of the pack of youngsters that travelled the local area, and we grew up together till she moved away in her mid-teens. We carried on seeing each other till our late teens, then slowly scattered to the winds.

Now, nearly 15 years later, we started chatting again and catching up. I was there Saturday afternoon till Sunday afternoon, talking till 4am, and then carrying on after a few hours sleep. Bringing one another up to speed on our lives, drinking beer, coffee, Jack Daniels, and most amusingly, chatting about the crap we used to get up to.

After comparing notes, I stand by my previous comment of "I'm amazed I'm not dead"

The very very strange thing though... I was wandering through town heading to the bus station, quite happily listening to my headphones to block out the "You effin' wanker, bitch moan piss come-and-have-a-go" Chavtastic shouting, when someone leapt from the shadows. On my way to see an old friend I've not seen for nearly 15 years, I am attacked by an old friend I've not seen for 15 years. Cassie always was mental, and still is. And yes, she reads this, and I would like to see her deny it ;)

Another topic of conversation over the weekend with Kellie, was the possibility of getting the old crowd back together. Over the last couple of months, I think I have found pretty much everyone that I used to terrorise the neighbourhood with. And I think it'd be a bloody laugh to all head out somewhere with our own kids and have a massive BBQ session or something. See how much trouble we can get into, and see how the kids compare!

Sort of a "We Made It!" celebration... I'm sure we can arrange something amusing...

When I am actually home, I am clearing up the chaos left by Jaysen, Tam or even yours truly. I blame the animals ;) I can't remember the last time I actually cooked in my own home, but you know, that's neither here nor there ;)

Since getting back onto Facebook, I've reduced the amount of Outgoing Pokage that I was dishing out, but it's still there. I even gained a few friends from the Save The Dan group! hehe I've also become rather, shall we say, addicted, to Twitter. If you have a mobile phone or live at your computer (or, in some peoples cases, both), then have a peek.

As for being a Singleton, I am completely at peace with whatever power it is that has decreed I should live as such. I talk to Jo every day or two, see her every now and then, and there is no weirdness, no tension... As I've said before, we are and pretty much always will be friends. Even with everything "behind the scenes" as it were, things aren't strained. I've said before, I saw it coming, I knew it would happen eventually, and so we're making the best of it as we can. The kids are quite happy with everything, and the "schedule" we've fallen into seems to be working pretty well. I have Jaysen Sunday evening till Wednesday when Tam turns up. Then it's me and the kids till Friday evening, when Jo comes gets the pair of them, and returns Jaysen Sunday evening.

Of course, we're both flexible - last week, Jo had a rough time with various stuff, so I kidnapped Tam back so Jo could have some quiet time. This weekend, Jo is off to see Patch for his 50th birthday. I was invited too, but don't think I'm quite ready for socialising in that aspect ;) This means I get the kids for the weekend too which is a bargain - usually it's during school time, but with the weekend we can go do whatever the hell we like! I think the lakes are in order... Followed by home and showers for those that happen to fall in.

Saying no names, of course. I can neither confirm nor deny I may or may not be slightly clumsier than the average owner of two left feet with no sense of balance...

I think my mood has been helped by the sheer volume of sunlight that is currently battering the house and surrounding area. Sun is good. Well, aside for my face which has erupted in spots. Acne keeps you looking younger I suppose... Of course, you would think that being in England the weather sucks in comparison to, say, Australia... Ho Ho. I present to the court, an Australian, bitching and moaning about their crappy weather.

Our news report tonight promised rain and 18 & 19 degrees C for the rest of the week, yay us!! That means that there is a more than 99.99% chance that I am going to get wet doing the pick up and drop offs for school this week!

Poor Mel. She's cold, she's getting soaked, and it's making a certain feature of hers even worse. I won't mention it, though I DO have photographic proof...

So, aside from all that, I think what has helped me more than pretty much ANYTHING has been my friends. From those here that have to listen to me moan in person, those I've found once again, those that I catch occasionally on MSN, pester by mail or prod on Facebook - You've made me see what is what and pull me through this.

People keep saying to me "Holy crap, I can't believe how well you're doing" but it's not me. I've had help. So to everyone, thank you.

Even to random people that arrive on the doorstep, linger for AGES, and only leave when I point out they got a ticket on their car fifteen minutes ago... Yes, it's the simple things that keep me ticking over.

So, with stuff still to be done, I'm going to set about to using the funky "Schedule Publishing" feature. It's currently half seven, still sunny, and I'm blaring out music. Let's set posting for... hmmm... 11pm..

Why?

Why not.

Sunny Sunday

Poor neglected Bloggy. Ah well ;) Anyways, the sun is currently beaming in through the front of the house - great for us smelly bears that like the sun, not so great for us geeks that have a monitor near a window with afore-mentioned sun streaming in.

Meh, I'll survive!

Last few days have been a bit busy, with a family do yesterday for my nans 80th, plus entertaining squids, housework (which only appears when the mini-me's do) and generally out and about. Oh, and Ruth has fed me again too.

Tam and Jaysen are off to Jo's parents today, Tam to stay, Jaysen will be back this evening but wants to see Mummy. So they get a roast dinner. The original plan was a boys day before school, but now I get a day to chill out (and bloody wake up!) before school restarts tomorrow.

In other news, I've been poking around the Blogger in Draft stuff, which is basically where they test random stuff. Down the bottom right, you will see the blogroll reproduced, but in order of most-recent-posts. Be warned, some of those ARE adult blogs, but I will figure how to rename them later. Seems quite nifty for people wanting to blog hop but bored of reading the out of date stuff.

Update your blogs you stinkers!

And while I am prattling on - another nifty feature in the Blogger in Draft stuff - timed posts... That is, a post that you write, set a date for it to publish and Robert's your Mothers Brother. Which will mean I should miss less Musical Mondays. The links to Draft are dotted through this post - you know you're on there when the Blogger Logo is blue.

Anyway - if you've not seen me on your blog of late, don't fret. Where I've got SO DAMN MANY blogs to read (which, I may have mentioned previously, you need to update more!) I've taken to reading all of them through Google Reader. I have it sorted so I see all the new posts, which makes my life so much easier - no need to trawl through nearly 70 blogs looking for new content when it shows me what's new instead.

Huzzah!

So, with Grandfather en route to get the monkeys, the sun shining, I do believe I will spoil myself with milkshake, erm... er... And whatever else I can rustle up!

Hiding Out

While Monday was "ok" here - as you could prolly tell from the blog being busy - I was keeping busy for my own reasons. That reason was mostly Tuesday.

Tuesday was Jo's birthday, and my head was all over the place. Now, most people couldn't understand why my head was in such a mess, but it wasn't just that it was her birthday, it was also the fact that it was the anniversary of the day I proposed to her many years ago.

It hurt to think that I'd gone from being happily engaged, to being a single parent. It was just another of those "dates" that stuck in my head.

On top of this, I didn't know what - if anything - I should have done. Should I have gotten a gift, a card? As it was, I didn't do either - I wished her happy birthday by text, and it killed me to do so. Jo's parents got the kids stuff to give her from them, and I remained hiding out.

As you know, I was out Friday night. I was out Saturday daytime too. Then I spent all day Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday hiding out with Ruth. She's been looking after me, cooking my dinner and generally letting me rant and mope as much as I needed. I've helped her with her shopping, I've done a bit of babysitting for her (yesterday for 90 mins, today for a few hours) so she can sort various stuff out...

But, for the most part, I've been at hers almost the whole week.

I think today is the longest I've been here since Friday. And on the plus side, the two terrors are home today as well. Jo is out over the weekend, so I've got them for a couple of extra days, and thankfully (finally!) Jaysen is back at school on Monday. Part of me thinks this break has whizzed by, and the other part thinks "OMG come ON!"

So, hopefully with my head being back on track (again... again...) I will be a little more productive. The house is tidy which is something, but there's still lots needing doing. I've gone from being busy has hell to bored out of my skull.

Lemmie find that happy medium, and I will be sorted!

On top of being out, being busy/bored, I've been suffering from Insomnia from Hell. I'm talking "Bed At Midnight" and being awake till the wee small hours. My brain needs a mute button. Or just an off switch.

And having spent a couple of days off the meds, I'm zapping like a bitch too!

Three Weeks

Today is the third week of me becoming a singleton. And, today has been pretty pants, mainly because - still - I am knackered. Lots of little things have built up over a few days, and today another one landed on the pile, and forced me to crumble for a few hours.

I wouldn't say I had another backslide, or a total meltdown, but I looked around me, looked at my bills, things needing to be sorted and everything else and just gave in. Only for a little while, plus Jaysen was at school. I just sat, crying, trying to work out what I was going to do.

I'm still having identity issues. I'm a father, but that is the only label I can give myself. I am a crappy friend at the moment - my head is all over the place; a crappy person to be related to, as I forget to tell people what I am doing, letting them know I am OK; a crappy neighbour, the old couple next door still have no clue Jo has left; and, lastly, I can't help feeling like a crappy father.

Don't get me wrong, I am making sure Jaysen is first - he's fed, clean, clothed, helped where needed, trusted - but I just worry about stepping wrong and messing up completely. Him saying something innocuous to a teacher and social services getting called. Yes, I am being paranoid to the maximum, but can't help wonder "what if".

As for being a crappy friend, I have friends that are going through all kinds of shit, and I can't be there for them. I hate that, it's not who I am, but with everything going on in my head, I'm not in any frame of mind to offer help or support. "Sorry you're having shit, welcome to the club."

Family - I am awful at keeping people up to date anyway, but keep thinking "Oh I must call so-and-so" and then, three hours later, I kick myself for forgetting, and then I am either out or it's late.

The old couple next door are lovely - I always chat with them, but the last few weeks when I've seen them out, I've smiled, said Hi - but kept walking. I think I need to plop a note through their door just so they know.

And on top of all this, there are bills, people demanding their money now. However, thanks to the Government loving to being complete bastards I am having a nightmare trying to sort out money.

When I called them up and told them we'd split, they pressed a button, and that was it. Money stopped. Then, to re-claim, I did one on the phone and one will send me the forms. Tax Credits are "being processed" which could take 4 weeks. FOUR?! And then Child Benefit, I've not HAD the forms yet - it takes a trained monkey "up to 21 days" to get the claim pack out, and once I've completed it and sent it back, it can take 2-3 weeks, and THEN! THEN they don't pay out for 4 weeks.

So yes, I will get a nice back-payment, but by then... Doesn't even bear thinking about.

And people keep telling me I should "get back out there and have some fun, see some nice girls..." Well, clearly that's what is wrong with me. I need a shag and to get hitched. The LAST thing on my mind at the moment is "hitching up" with someone, regardless of it being a few nights of fun or my life-partner or something. I can just see it now, me on the rebound being picked up and messing up someones life. Sorry, that isn't me. Kids first, house second, then if I have the time, money and energy, then we'll see what happens.

I even had the "I work with a nice single mum you know.." from someone yesterday. Thanks but no, I don't want a girlfriend at this moment in time. But thanks for thinking of me.

Anyway, I had my meltdown, spoke to Jo, spoke to Ruth, did the school run, pulled myself back together - time to get up and walk forwards again. Even the rain isn't pissing me off at the moment. I just need for this headache to get lost, and for some kind of sleep to overtake me.

Late

Last night was a late one. I was hurting so much physically that I could not settle. I went to bed just before ten, and was awake till gone 2am.

My legs hurt, my back hurts, my arms and shoulders hurt, and my head is pounding.

I decided today that if I was going to meltdown physically, I needed to push myself into getting cleared up first. Not that there is much to clear up. A couple of laundry loads, a quick run-around with a broom downstairs, a tidy and a hoover upstairs, bath and loo cleaned.

Of course, The Mother is coming over too, which means I need to bit a teensy bit tidier. Because, well, you know. It's The Mother.

I spoke to Jo this morning. Just chatted about nothing in particular once again, though she did share some interesting third-hand gossip. See, it turns out that an actual Friend of hers believes that Tam is someone elses child completely. Which, while amusing, just shows what that "Friend" really things of Me, of Jo, and everything else.

So he can piss off right now.

Otherwise, with my body doing the Ouchie Tango, I'm sat till The Mother arrives in a while. Later today, Jaysen is off to spend the weekend with Jo, and I've asked (and shall receive!) Tamsyn for the weekend. I've gone from being a family, then to being broken and having Jaysen, to what, this weekend, should be just me - so I asked for Tam to help wean me a bit.

Jaysen will be back Sunday night, and I might well keep Tam an extra day or two so the kids spend time together as well - because let's face it, that's important too.

So while I'm in a better frame of mind today, I've still got a long way to go.

I'll survive.

Positive

It occurs to me that I haven't updated today, and perhaps the fact I haven't is a good thing.

The weather forecast today was for "storm of the century" and similar tags, and people have been worried sick. Considering we're only 8 years in, a blustry day could be "storm of the century" but whatever. The weather is the least of my worries OR interests at the moment.

Well, it seems that the country is panicked over some wind and rain. I got cold, I got wet. It's winter - deal with it. Trees down? That's what the wind does.

Get a grip people.

/rant

In the life of Me, however, things are bright still. I was up early with the kids, sorting for school run and even ready early. Tam has been good as gold for me, and even under her rain cover out the worst of the rain and wind she was fine, happy and singing along.

I sent Jo a few texts, questions, sorting other stuff out, as well as sent and received some texts from friends making sure I'm ok. Headed back to Ruths and sat talking away. I was just talking - something I really don't do even when really depressed - the person I usually spoke with would be Jo, but that was sorta difficult ;)

The conversation went from everything to more focused things - namely, item number two on my life - interior decorating. See, when we got our flat, we had to move in ASAP, so we bought a job lot of paint and slapped it up, only decorating occasionally once inside. With the house, similar story - lots of the same colour of paint and sorted through the house.

Over the years, we've decorated extra - mostly paint, some paper, but due to my special nature of being colourblind, Jo would invariably chose colours, soft furnishings and suchlike. I was given the brush and the tin, and told where to slap the colour. But now, now it's different.

So I've got Ruth and Posh Totty helping me with colour charts, what goes with what, what looks nice and so on. Planning what to do where with what, how, who can help - fun.

Of course, when I say "fun" I mean "Holy shit and all that is stressy". I have an idea of what I want, but vocalising - whole different ball game. I'm aiming for light, airy, neutral - but not clinical. I like blues and greys, but I like earthy tones too. The first port of call, as it were, is the kitchen/dining room, which runs from the front to the back of the house, no division wall. I can see a cupboard being built into one of the "nooks" in there, and book shelves in a strange former-fireplace feature in the room...

So, looking through my colour charts, I am looking at a "stony" colour - grey, brown, sort of thing - hard to describe - for the walls. The ceiling will be white. New light fittings. New nets and curtains. The floor will have wood-effect tiles, as I cannot afford laminate regardless. The, skirting boards, door frames, kitchen cupboard doors I'm looking at a sort of light chocolatey brown. I'm thinking the shelves will be this colour as well, as sort of a feature in the dining room.

Now, the general consensus is positive, but I am still not sure. I need to get it straight in my head first. I think I also need to realise that I can do pretty much what I like with it. Usually when I do anything in the house, I discuss it with Jo first, and her power of veto applies.

It's a very strange feeling, making decisions with only people telling me "That will/won't go" and not "I don't like that". Not that Jo ever did - she's also there to help me as well and has offered her help too - an offer I will be taking up no doubt.

Anyway, I've had a good day - not great, as I've been suffering with wandering-mind-syndrome - but I am dealing and coping today. I've not really done a lot today as I am in all sorts of agony, but I don't need to kill myself each day.

Jo called earlier - she was talking to the Benefits Agency this morning, and they dropped yet another dirty great lump od spanner-shaped metal into the works. Despite me and Jo working things out, despite us remaining friends in constant contact and having joint-custody of the kids, she has been instructed that she must contact the Child Support Agency (CSA) and claim for maintenance from me. She explained we've made our own arrangements and that she didn't want to get them involved (as they are notoriously evil against people).

However, if she DOESN'T claim, she will have money stopped from her benefit. WHY I have no idea, but she called me up and had no idea what to do. I told her if it comes to it, that she SHOULD claim to prevent her losing money, and then we'll just say we are doing it. To make sure, though, I made sure she called the CSA and spoke with them.

Turns out they aren't quite the Ogres that people make them out to be. Nope, the lady she spoke to was very helpful and told Jo not to panic, as the form as a special section for private arrangements, she fills that out and writes that we are having joint custody, and sharing the costs and expenses, then that'll be taken into account and all should be rosy.

BUT it does raise an interesting point. The "system" has often been criticised for being very "on the womans side", and I never really believed it - until I got caught up in it. Jo calls one number - they do it all for her. I call one number, and get told to call eight others. Jo gets told to get the CSA on me. However, I'm told nothing - surely they should have told me to claim CSA from Jo as I have the kids too?

But, none the less, I won't let the buggers get me down. Me and Jo are working through our problems to make the best of both our lives and, most importantly, make the kids have great lives. Why does it seem there is so much red-tape, and so many hurdles in the way. We're working through it all, and people keep trying to make it harder.

Hurrah for those that are there for us. And sorry this is a long-winded one.

Home

You will have to bear with me on this, because it is likely to be a rambling post. I went to bed with Jaysen last night around 8pm. I was so tired, and ready to drop. I sat up just relaxing as best I could after a long stressful day, when the phone ran - it was Jo. No, don't think what you're thinking.

We had a long conversation about, well, everything that needs to be sorted out. It has been filling my head and I could tell it was filling hers, but she managed to do what I hoped she would be able to do. As far as she is concerned, she left me, not through any of my own wrong-doing, not through any fault of mine. Personally, I think it takes two to tango, and I can't let her take any of the blame, but still.

As she left, she has decided that I will have custody of the kids, and I will have them here, at the house. Our house is now my home.

I know - I know - it must have been so hard for her, but we are still friends. It's hard for us both at the moment, but no one knows me like she does. One know every facet of one anothers lives, and will always have to be friends.

So, the kids will be here for the weekdays - Sunday evening till Friday evening or Saturday morning, when they will stay with Jo, where ever she is. Obviously, and we discussed it completely - she can come over when she wants because they are as much hers as mine, and we spoke about Tam because she is the younger of the two. She needs her mum and Jo needs her - she is her little girl, after all. She more than likely Tam will be alternating between the pair of us more regularly than Five Days with me/Two Days with Jo.

We spoke about the legal aspect, and both agree that we will share the legal rights (Parental Rights) of the children. We can take them abroad, make medical decisions and such like - like I said, she is still their mummy, and I am their daddy.

Things like School Holidays, Birthday, Xmas I assume we will play by ear. If Jo wants to go away for a weekend, then I am here, and if I want to go stay with people for a break, the same applies from Jo's point of view. With us still being friends and getting on - and I don't mean in that strained way you often see - I suspect Birthdays and Xmas will be something we share somehow. The logistics of it at 4am at a little out of my comprehension at the moment.

Anyway, for the time being, Jo is with her parents, Jaysen is here with me, Tam is with Jo, and she is over Saturday to sort out paperwork and whatnot. I'm still going to help her get a place, saving up a little money here and there, maybe see if I can get a loan of somekind to help out.

Anyway, I've slept, not for a huge length of time, but I HAVE slept, but bolted awake at half three for no reason and my mind was running in circles since. I'm hoping that a bit of blogging clears it and lets me sleep - but considering I am up in just over two hours, I doubt it.