Musical Monday #149 - Break Stuff

Didn't get to sleep till gone 1am, up again at 4am. This song sums it up really.

Chaos in the House

You will be forgiven for thinking that when it comes to Chez 0ddness, Chaos is a given; part of the wood-work, part of daily life, part of the very fabric of the home.

You'd be wrong.

See, there is chaos-chaos, and there is Chaos. Obviously, I am talking of the latter. Chaos-Chaos is kids, pets, woman, housework and general shenanigans. Chaos, however, is when there are strangers in the house, power tools in the house, building, repairs and bomb-hit-it-appearances that cause me to stress out.

First off, as the wise man Hubert Farnsworth once said will say - Good News Everyone! After over seven years, we have a fence! When it first went plooey, I started chasing for it to be repaired, then it got worse, and I had to chase for it to be replaced. I was fobbed off, jerked around, lied to and generally messed around. I gave up after a while, chasing it every now and then until late last year when I finally snapped - and sent a properly shitty email to them.

Within a week, I had a case worker who was very interested in not only the fence, but any and all issues I had with the home. So I asked her for a week, and at the end of that week, she was presented with a laundry-list of every little issue I had with the place. Cracks here, peeling stuff there, missing that, broken that, and so on...

And to her credit, she did not once tell me where to stick it. She went through it all item by item, and over the last six weeks or so, I've had a bloke turning up, fixing something, buggering off, then coming back a week later, fixing something else... Over and over.

But finally, the two bigger items... The Garden Fence, and the Downstairs Banisters.

Now, as I write this, the banisters are still a work in progress - I am sitting here writing this blog post in an attempt to distract me from the sheer volumes of stress going on behind me.

The fencing, however... The fencing is done. I was so excited that it was getting done, and the weather has been so nice this week, I didn't take into account what makes Britain so... British.

The rain.

Last night, it started to rain, and carried on and off through the night, and was pissing down this morning when the contractors arrived. I have no rear access to the house, so they had to take everything they needed through the house, and were in and out as they progressed through the building. Each trip delivering more and more mud, clay, gravel and dust onto the floor. The first two hours saw the dust sheets soaked through and sort of pointless.

By about 1pm, they were done...

From this:

Guys on site

To this:

Finally, privacy! Kellie I can now sunbathe topless!

Of course, the downside to this is the mud and crap throughout the downstairs...

This is currently the state of my downstairs hallway/back room. Made worse now, by the added layer of several inches of sawdust.

And I kid you not about the sawdust. When he first started cutting up wood - on the middle-floor hallway with open banisters - it started to snow through the banisters and downstairs. And now, he's cutting wood downstairs as well...

That is just the start of Sawdust Hell 2013... It's even worse downstairs.

Of course, with all this sawdust, plus the carpenter in and out to the van still, I can't sweep/hoover/mop the downstairs. For one, he's still making more sawdust. For two, it'll just stick to the wet floor anyway. So I have to wait until he's done. Until then, he's still using his circular saw, hammer, power drill, hammering more...

It's going to take Kellie me hours to clean this mess up.

And now - the kids have started coming home.

Faith in Humanity

I am a firm believer that, in our world, there are more good people than bad. It's just that the bad people grab the headlines.

This last couple of weeks I've been very tight lipped on certain subjects, and have kept my thoughts to myself, but after an hour on Facebook, I've decided to not bother.

Everything that is going on in the world at the moment makes me sick, and the sheer levels of hypocrisy being banded around shakes my original belief that people are inherently good.

For starters, everything kicking off in North Korea is worrying. On top of this, the ongoing hell that is Syria had me shaking my head... Why? Because the superpowers-that-be, who claim they will fight for the weak are no where to be seen. When Saddam rolled into Kuwait, we were there. When it was decided he had weapons of mass destruction, we were there. When it was decided Afghanistan was harboring bad guys, we were there. When Libya kicked off, we were there.

Everyone cried that it was just for the oil, but my faith in humanity was adamant that, no, we were helping. How wrong was I?

Very.

Syria has the same uprising that we helped with in Libya, but are we there stopping those powers that would bomb their own people? Are we fuck. North Korea, threatening thermonuclear war on everyone around them, keeping their people in poverty... Are we there stopping the crazy bastards we KNOW have a nuclear arsenal? Again, are we fuck.

In more local news, people are all still convinced that those on benefits don't deserve it, that we're all thieving, lying scumbags, and thanks to the Daily Mail, we're the sort that would set fire to our house with our kids inside, just to frame someone else. Yet while people are so busy watching those on benefits have their money reduced, they say nothing about how the government is slowly twisting the country into a former shadow of itself.  And when they bump into a little law that stops their twisting, they change the law to suit their needs.

And still more...

Margaret Thatcher died. The longest serving peacetime Prime Minister, the only female to ever hold the position. Half the country loved her, half the country hated her. And she died.

Now, even if you hated her, people singing songs and celebrating and holding parties in the street just smacks of... I don't even know the words I want to use. "Bad Taste" doesn't cover it. Disgusting, Ghoulish Behavior?

You people are a bloody joke. There are people in the world bombing their own people, yet you celebrate someone that died of old age in a hospital? You may have disliked her policies or whatever, but to CELEBRATE?

And everyone going on about how she doesn't deserve a big funeral and all the rest of it... She stated in her will that she didn't want one. SHE isn't the one demanding this, nor her family.

And yes, she has a family. A family that are having to watch people party, celebrate and cheer at her death. Most of whom, it has to be said, weren't even bloody well born when she was in power!

Have some respect, show some dignity, pretend for a minute that another human has passed away, and that us British are not wild savages, but show respect when the need arises.

Lastly, after the explosions in Boston, my first thought was of my American friends that live in that neck of the woods, and even others that may have traveled. Just over an hour after the explosions, while I'm checking in on friends, someone on my friends list posted a photo, supposedly of one of the victims... A twisted body on a stretcher, clearly of a middle eastern event, but captioned as the Boston explosion.

Said "friend" was blocked and reported.

Over the course of the evening, people posted pictures of blood-splattered sidewalks, children covered in blood, over and over... Why the hell do people think that is appropriate?! What makes ANYONE think "here's a grisly scene, I'll share that to ask my friends"

When I complained to someone, she (yes, SHE!) told me she had to raise awareness of the atrocity... And that I didn't understand!

Didn't understand! How many non-Brits have said that over the years to me since 9/11, yet in the 70s, 80s and 90s, we were getting bombed by Irish terrorists every few weeks. Parts of London were obliterated, and we don't understand terrorism?! So many times I had to change travel arrangements because part of London was shredded, or been caught on a tube because the station ahead had received a threat, or we couldn't go into that shopping centre because they were doing a controlled explosion on a suspect package...

But no, i couldn't possibly understand terrorism.

To put the cherry on the top of this ranting drivel, people sharing photos of all this - at least check your sources. Most of the shit you're spewing is fake and has nothing to do with anything.

My closing thought: imagine it was your loved ones caught up at the scene. Imagine it was your loved one that has had their limbs torn off... How would you like your friends sharing photos of your dead and dying family members?

Whoever You May Be...

OK folks, as I mentioned on Facebook today, someone, somewhere, seems to have it in for Kellie and I.

This morning, we got a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) stating that as we had had a new baby, please fill in this shit-ton of forms and paperwork as it will affect my money.

So I looked it it, and looked at Kellie, and looked back at it, and thought "B-huh?" followed, a few moments later by me vocalising the very same "B-huh?"

Kellie, however, was not quite so literate...

So, I decide that instead of jumping through the hoops presented, I called the DWP and after seven minutes of "Press 1 for this department, please enter this information, please create a pin..." and so on and so on, and then another seven minutes on hold, I finally reach a human being!

After explaining to her what we've received, so has a lookie-poke through all the information, and low-and-behold, they have "received information" that we've recently had a baby.

"B-huh?" I start to say, before composing myself. "Errrrr -" much more articulate "-we haven't." Straight to the point, me.

She digs a big deeper, carries on looking, and all she can tell me is that they've received information from "somewhere" that we have had a baby, but not told them.

Which is strange, because by not telling them we've (apparently) had a baby, we're actually shooting ourselves in the foot and losing out on money.

So she takes my information (again) and fires off an urgent email to the actual Incapacity Department to get them to contact me, and to hold off on the forms as "hopefully it can be sorted over the phone"

Wonders of wonders, same day, I get a call back, and the very nice lady gets me to confirm who I am (answering my own phone!) and explains to me that they have received an "Anonymous tip" that we have had a baby.

Which, roughly translated, means "Someone is trying to cause us problems and mess with my money by reporting us for things we haven't done."

I should hasten to add, this is NOT the first time either. When Kellie first moved in, someone "advised" the DWP that Kellie was working FULL time, and not PART time, and that we were not declaring earnings.

The end result of this is that my claim is now marked as "receiving malicious third-party tips"

Which brings me to the closing point. Whoever you are that is making these "claims" against me, you're clearly not a very bright soul... At least make up shit that would mean we would be getting MORE money, not less. And if you've got some sort of issue with Kellie and myself, be a grown up, eh? At least be a big boy/girl and confront me directly instead of being pathetic.

Liam Neeson sums it up perfectly:

Oh, and I still have to complete 22 pages of f$cking forms! On the plus side, I could end up with MORE money a week - granted, it'll be less than twenty quid - but by being a twat, you may well have granted us more money!

On Scary Movies

While it is safe to say that I enjoy me some movies, this is not true of movies that are flagged with the "Horror" title.

I enjoy most types of film, be it comedy, drama, psychological, even to some extent, a handful of musicals, but horror movies have never really done it for me.

Now I am sure there are some of you that are poo-pooing my words, along with something like "You don't watch them because you're scared" or similar, but I can honestly, hand on heart, state that the only scary film to ever EVER bother me as a grown up, was The Blair Witch Project. The original ones, thank you... The sequels were only scary in the fact that people paid to see them.

Allow me, however, to digress and explain on that point. The film - then - was a new kind of film making, low budget, and most of the scary stuff was thanks to the viewers own brain filling in the blanks. The film gave me, at most, a case of the heebeejeebees... It was made worse by about eight million percent by the fact that, the very next night, I was in the dark up in a forest.

Granted, I was out live-roleplaying (back in the day), but none the less, that was probably the longest, biggest wig-out-fest of my entire life.

Back to the point.

A few weeks back, we were talking about watching a scary film with James & Kerry. Personally, I can take or leave them, but I was the one that was having to get said-scary film. So, I grabbed a few and we proceeded to go to Canvey. One of the films on the pile was something called Sinister.

Both James and Kerry made a great point of saying how scary it was, how it bothered even James, and Kerry watched most of it from behind a pillow.

It was "proper scary" by all accounts.

To the point that they both vetoed it.

Last night, Kellie decided that she wanted a sleepless night to watch Sinister. So, I dutifully put it on, and she snuggled up against me... Within about three seconds of it starting, she grabbed a pillow to hide behind because *cough* it sounded scary.

And so we watched.

Kellie spent the first half of the film jumping at every shocking sound and visual that appeared on the screen. I, however, hated one bit of it - the fact he found a snake under a box. Which, appeared on screen with a sharp shock of music. BLAM! It's a SNAKE!

The second half of the film... Er...

And here is my actual point. This "really scary film" was so interesting, that it terrified me into a deep slumber.

I fell asleep less than halfway through. Even the "BLAM! Something SCARY is on the screen!" music didn't disturb me.

Upon realising I was asleep, Kellie kicked me awake, and decided she had had enough terror for one night, and so the film went off. And we went to bed.

So scared and terrified was I, that at about three this morning, I needed a wee. And didn't turn on a single light.

I wonder what it is about "scary films" that just don't do it for me - let alone scare me. They're just... I don't know... Trying too hard, maybe? They go out to make the films, and before you even see a trailer, it's the man with the deep-commercial-voice stating "The scariest film this year!" complete with news articles on how people had to leave the cinema because it was too much for them.

I'm sure someone out there is going to say "Oh but you need to watch such-and-such film!" to which I reply, really? Why bother? I have exactly zero interest in watching someone in Hollywood try to make me whimper by showing people getting chewed up by something nasty, people killed in increasingly unpleasant ways, and whatever boogie-man is deemed "scary" chasing people through the forest.

I'm sure Sinister is scary to some people - in fact I KNOW it's scary to some people. But why do people want to actually watch something that is going to give them nightmares and keep them awake?

I think Hollywood reached a dead-end with scary films several years ago, so now, instead of trying to figure out something new, they are just increasing the amount of jumpy-bits, scary monsters and blood.

The Big Hair Cut!

OK, it's been thrown around over and over, but finally, it's time. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to jump straight in.

On or around the 1st of June, my hair WILL be cut.

And I WILL be raising money for both the Guys Hospital charity (ECHO: Evelina Childrens Heart Organisation) and for Cancer Research UK. To this end, I have set up a Virgin Money Giving account which allows me to split the total to the different charities. It also allows people overseas to donate as well, and considering how many people said they would love to donate from the States, so much the better.

You can find the donation page by clicking This Link.

Now, I was quite surprised that within fifteen minutes, a small handful of people donated nearly £100... Surprised, and happy, and astounded. Hopefully a similar momentum will carry on, and I will get a massive amount of money donated to two absolutely brilliant charities.

All I need now is the help of you, dear reader. Firstly, I would love for you to be able to donate, any amount, small or large - it all helps, and all makes a difference. Even if you can't donate, then please please share my Virgin Money Giving page with everyone you know - share on Facebook, send to your Twitter followers, publish to your Google+ Circles - however you want to do it, please drum up as much support for me as you can!

I have a little under seven weeks to raise as much money as I can, and to do so, I will need your help. It's not often that I ask for the help of others, but I'm sure you will agree, this is very much worth it!

When Insomnia Strikes

Usually with my insomnia, I can find no reason for it to happen. I don't lay in bed stewing on things, I don't lay in bed planning my life, I don't lay in bed dwelling on the past... But sometimes, I DO find things that keeps my brain rattling in the skull...

As you may have guessed, I am writing this during a bout of insomnia. And as you may have also guessed, I can place the reason for it...

I'm dwelling on all things Wedding.

No, I'm not worrying about it, just have lots of things running around in my head. Have to do this, have to figure this out, have to arrange this, can we afford this... Most people seem to think the Groom's job is just to turn up on time, but as Kellie (who has been snoring beside me ALL night long) and I are planning and arranging everything ourselves, I have slightly more to do than just show up.

Our original wedding plans came to a grinding halt in December, when we were hit with some big bills. No, we didn't publicise it, and no, we weren't going begging. Financially, our planned wedding was looking very unlikely. On top of all our health issues, it was too much, and we set about canceling it all together. I was pissed off and miserable, and tried to go about my business.

By mid-March, we decided to change the plan somewhat... Granted, we couldn't have the big wedding ceremony we wanted, but we could still get married at a Registry Office. This, of course, meant completely reworking the wedding guest list, and a serious culling occurred. Then we've had to look at alternatives for the meal, the evening Reception, the venue, caterers...

As well as this, Kellie now has just under the months to sort out her wedding dress, I've got to work out my outfit, then the boys and girls with us need clothing as well. Then there's the rings, the cake, the cars, the entertainment, not to mention the invites we've got to get made up (by us!) then posted, then sort the RSVP's.

The list is seemingly endless, and all I can do is think about things that need doing. Which means despite my best efforts, sleep is currently a big No-No. I've tried everything this night, but to no avail - the grey matter is running hot.

And I need to get my hair sorted!

I'm sure that as the days tick by, things will fall into place and can be crossed off the lists that are slowly building up... Hopefully the basics will be covered, and anything missing, meh, so be it. We're doing our day for us, with minimal drama and politics. If people don't like it, so be it - the exits are clearly marked.

Watch this space for future episodes, including "Shit, These Trousers Don't Fit" and "Oh My God I Ordered The Wrong Type Of Voulevant" and my personal favorite "I Look Hideous In This, I'm Not Going"

And a word to the wise - send back the RSVP.