On Scary Movies

While it is safe to say that I enjoy me some movies, this is not true of movies that are flagged with the "Horror" title.

I enjoy most types of film, be it comedy, drama, psychological, even to some extent, a handful of musicals, but horror movies have never really done it for me.

Now I am sure there are some of you that are poo-pooing my words, along with something like "You don't watch them because you're scared" or similar, but I can honestly, hand on heart, state that the only scary film to ever EVER bother me as a grown up, was The Blair Witch Project. The original ones, thank you... The sequels were only scary in the fact that people paid to see them.

Allow me, however, to digress and explain on that point. The film - then - was a new kind of film making, low budget, and most of the scary stuff was thanks to the viewers own brain filling in the blanks. The film gave me, at most, a case of the heebeejeebees... It was made worse by about eight million percent by the fact that, the very next night, I was in the dark up in a forest.

Granted, I was out live-roleplaying (back in the day), but none the less, that was probably the longest, biggest wig-out-fest of my entire life.

Back to the point.

A few weeks back, we were talking about watching a scary film with James & Kerry. Personally, I can take or leave them, but I was the one that was having to get said-scary film. So, I grabbed a few and we proceeded to go to Canvey. One of the films on the pile was something called Sinister.

Both James and Kerry made a great point of saying how scary it was, how it bothered even James, and Kerry watched most of it from behind a pillow.

It was "proper scary" by all accounts.

To the point that they both vetoed it.

Last night, Kellie decided that she wanted a sleepless night to watch Sinister. So, I dutifully put it on, and she snuggled up against me... Within about three seconds of it starting, she grabbed a pillow to hide behind because *cough* it sounded scary.

And so we watched.

Kellie spent the first half of the film jumping at every shocking sound and visual that appeared on the screen. I, however, hated one bit of it - the fact he found a snake under a box. Which, appeared on screen with a sharp shock of music. BLAM! It's a SNAKE!

The second half of the film... Er...

And here is my actual point. This "really scary film" was so interesting, that it terrified me into a deep slumber.

I fell asleep less than halfway through. Even the "BLAM! Something SCARY is on the screen!" music didn't disturb me.

Upon realising I was asleep, Kellie kicked me awake, and decided she had had enough terror for one night, and so the film went off. And we went to bed.

So scared and terrified was I, that at about three this morning, I needed a wee. And didn't turn on a single light.

I wonder what it is about "scary films" that just don't do it for me - let alone scare me. They're just... I don't know... Trying too hard, maybe? They go out to make the films, and before you even see a trailer, it's the man with the deep-commercial-voice stating "The scariest film this year!" complete with news articles on how people had to leave the cinema because it was too much for them.

I'm sure someone out there is going to say "Oh but you need to watch such-and-such film!" to which I reply, really? Why bother? I have exactly zero interest in watching someone in Hollywood try to make me whimper by showing people getting chewed up by something nasty, people killed in increasingly unpleasant ways, and whatever boogie-man is deemed "scary" chasing people through the forest.

I'm sure Sinister is scary to some people - in fact I KNOW it's scary to some people. But why do people want to actually watch something that is going to give them nightmares and keep them awake?

I think Hollywood reached a dead-end with scary films several years ago, so now, instead of trying to figure out something new, they are just increasing the amount of jumpy-bits, scary monsters and blood.

Musical Movie Monday #138 - The Uprising

Yes, the title will give away the fact that this is a song from a movie.

However, usually, a good movie and a good soundtrack go hand in hand. I always think of The Matrix as an example. However, sometimes, the soundtrack is the main redeeming feature of a movie.

Last night, we watched The Darkest Hour. The will probably be spoilers ahead, so skip to the music if you so wish.

The plot: a pair of geeks arrive in Moscow to promote a travel app of some sort. They get stitched up, and go drown their sorrows in a bar. Meet some girls. Lights go out.

Alien invasion.

However, these aliens are invisible with the occasional flare of light. And they make people pop into dust.

Or, in other words, very little to spend on special effects. No BlArGlE I'M A MONSTER monsters, and no OMG DEAD BODIES! to deal with. So the aliens kill everything and the heroes hide out.

You know what, I don't even care that much. From the outset you can see who is going to survive and who (thankfully!) gets dusted by the gribblies. Plot Holes you could fall through aplenty, acting like you wouldn't believe - no, really, you wouldn't believe it...

Especially the end with the boat & submarine.

Awful movie BUT not as bad as Skyline. Or anything James suggests we watch.

However, the very last track playing over the credits was pretty damn good. Or, it was crap, but seemed good because it signalled the end of the film. Either way, thank goodness for this song!!

Pilot Hill - The Uprising

Movie Review!

Hopefully, the image here says it all... But this movie pissed me off.

A while back, we saw a trailer for Del Toro's take of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. The trailer was really good, and Del Toro usually pops out pretty good movies. In a shock twist, this is a horror movie, which if you know me at all, you know I don't do.

No, not because I'm scared, because for the most part, they are shite. They either try to make you jump every thirty seconds (which you can see coming), or they try to throw as much blood around as is humanly possibly, or they come up with some really crappy "monster" or "creature" to kill everyone. And if it makes more than it cost, invariably, they churn out an equally craptacular sequel.

Final Destination anyone?

So anyway. Trailer: Good. We considered going to the movies, but with Xmas coming and birthdays and everything else, we said "screw it, we'll get it when it's out to rent"

All I can say is, thank all the is gory and blood-splattered that we didn't pay to see it at the cinema. Instead of being dark and scary with only the briefest flash of something out the corner of your eye, you're treated to CGI critters charging around trying to off the cast.

Even the "scary" bits weren't scary. I will prove how NOT scary it was:

Kellie didn't jump. Not once. Not even at the parts that she was SUPPOSED to jump at. At best, she managed a tired sigh. Maybe a brief rolling of the eyes.

The idea was there, but it falls into the Crappy Monster/Creature category I'm afraid. And yes, I am aware there is an original, and yes, I am sure you think it's better, but no, I can't be arsed with it I'm afraid.

Verdict: Pay some little kids to run around your house. The end result is probably going to be the same.

A Night Out!

Since the beginning of October, we had been planning on going out on the night of the 30th. The plan was simple - a local restaurant was hosting a fancy dress Halloween night of food and music and dancing, so at the start of the month, we booked out tickets - Kellie & Myself, plus Kerry & James.

We decided - for giggles - to go as Witches & Wizards. Nothing 0dd in that, except, the girls were going to be the Wizards, and us boys would be the Witches. The girls got costumes, but obviously, we needed something more special, so started sorting our dresses, tights/stockings/hats/broomsticks/makeup - the whole lot.

Those of you that have known me for several years will know that Dressing Up used to form part of my main hobby, that of Live Roleplaying. I used to love going, costumed up, running adventures - brilliant stuff. Sorting costumes and props for our night out reminded me how much I loved - and miss - LRPing.  What I didn't count on, however, was nerves. I've not been out in public dressed like a crazy in many years, and while I was looking forward to it, my stomach decided to be a bit nervy. I knew I'd be OK eventually, as we'd be with other like-minded crazies that would also look rather 0dd.

Yesterday morning - while putting the finishing touches to our costumes, the phone rings. It's the restaurant, telling us the night is cancelled due to lack of ticket sales.

Arse.

So, a flurry of activity between us and K+J, we start to figure where we're going to go instead. Using the powers of the Intarwebz, as well as local papers, we started to hunt. Page after page of "Events" and "What;'s Happening" and "Social Stuff" and we made an interesting discovery...

There was NOTHING else going on within 30 miles of us. Not a party, not a function, not a fancy dress screening of anything... So, with the girls being pissed off, we decided to see what movies were on. Don't Be Afraid of The Dark was the first scary movie that sprang to my mind, but it's not showing anywhere in Essex. Kent or London, yes, but Essex? No.  Paranormal Activity 3 was showing, but A) I've not seen the first two, and B) The girls refuse to watch #1 on grounds of it being "too scary".

Then the discussion shifted - let's wear our costumes to the cinema AND eat out somewhere. I was not impressed with this idea. I had chilled out a bit thinking "no need for costume" but at the mention of wearing it - in public, where no one else would be wearing theirs - I was not having none of it. At all. I could handle being dressed up with other dressed up sorts, but not going out for an evening dressed like it. Hell no.

I don't do "center of attention" very well at all, let alone out and about in Basildonia. So the other three all started sulking. "If you're not wearing yours, we're not wearing ours!" came the cries.

They tried Guilt. On me. Ha!

I pointed out that at NO point was I stopping them wearing theirs, that at no point would I have any issue with them being dressed up and me being, well, dressed, and at no point did I tell them I would feel left out.

But no, if Dan wasn't dressed up, they wouldn't be either. Again, the guilt didn't work, but they are grown ups - they can make their own decisions ;)

So anyway, I was up for several movies - Tin Tin, Contagion, The Three Musketeers, I'd have been quite happy with them. However, group of four, trying to get all four to decide on something = not easy. 3/4 thought Tin Tin was a good idea. 2/4 voted Paranormal Activity. And so on... Kellie put on a trailer for something called We Need To Talk About Kevin and said it looked interesting. I sort of wrinkled my nose - it didn't do anything for me. Kerry agreed with Kellie that it looked interesting, and James made the decision that THAT would be what we were seeing.

I, however, kept quite because I'd already "made" everyone not wear their costumes. I didn't want to tell them the film looked iffy.

So, first stop of the evening was Aroma - an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese buffet restaurant that is lovely. And James and Myself really do put that to the test - we eat all we can. I opted for a plate of MEAT, I skipped the noodles and rice and stuff, I just wanted MEAT. Us boys had, er.. three plates each, while the girls scoffed two. Then we had dessert. Om nom nom and indeed, nom.

Then we hit the cinema. Grabbed our Stupidly Oversized Popcorn and Bladder Busting Drink, went into the cinema and plonked our bums. Movie started.

Now, I am not by any means a film snob. Far from it, I tend to find Arty-Farty movies not to be my cup of tea. They may well be the greatest movies of all time, but they don't do anything for me. At all. And "indie" films also don't stoke my proverbial fire.

Ten minutes into the film, and it was all about focusing in and out, jumping between "now" and "then", using colour as a metaphor, having very quiet sounds play just out of your hearing... I thought "uh oh" but sat and remained quiet.

We Need To Talk About Kevin has received rave reviews. Star Ratings coming out of the wazoo. Stormed the crowds at Cannes. No doubt it did well at every other arty-farty film festival.

At one point, I noticed Kerry was asleep. James was doing the nodding-head-forwards thing. But I endured. Something might happen to interest me.

Kellie guessed one of the main twists five minutes before it happened on the screen. The ONLY character I liked in the whole thing meets a grisly end (which, I suppose, is the point) and in the long run, was depressing as f$ck.

So, screen goes black. I look at Kellie, I glare at James. Kerry makes a "What the f..." comment, and I'm SO with her. And everyone else in the cinema just looked at the person they were with, with the exact same expression I could feel on my face. The movie ended, everyone got up and walked out.

In complete and utter silence.

Nothing, not a word, not a cheer. Those three went for a pee, and I stood outside waiting for them. Another couple left, and she said to him "What was that film about, exactly?" and he just shrugged.

I am happy to report, that James did receive a fairly large amount of shite for his choice of movie. Flak here, flak in person, flak on Facebook, even flak on Twitter - which he doesn't even use! I can honestly, hand-on-heart say that I did NOT enjoy that film. No one in there seemed to. Maybe it was just us, maybe it was just that kind of film but I can't see how it got the reviews it got.

I suspect that at someone will probably come on here with their Anonymous hat on, and rip the crap out of me/us for our review of the movie. Feel free, in fact. You liked it, we didn't. You have your positive review, I have my negative.

I'm not telling anyone to not go see it. I'm sure some of you will prolly like it, or even love it. But we unanimously did not like it nor love it. And the same goes for James. We neither like nor love him any more.

And he will come here, make his case for his defence. Just ignore him. He has no say in movies any more.

Movie Night!

After having a pretty busy, rushing-around-like-a-mad-thing and somewhat stressful week, Kellie and myself decided last night to have a proper chill-out night.  We got the kids (only two this weekend!) settled in their rooms, and opted for the holy trilogy of a good night in.

The first item was a bottle of Jägermeister. We got into this Fathers-Day-Before-Last, and couple with some Red Bull, we had some rather lovely Jäger-Bombs. The second item on the list was a Chinese Takeaway. We really could not be arsed to cook so opted for the delivered food. The last item on the list was a good movie.

We have lots of movies on our "To Watch" list, but last night, we needed something entertaining and of the "comedy" genre. Over the last couple of years, I've been slowly getting Kellie to watch movies that are out of her "Safe Zone" and while they might not be future classics, they are movies I'm sure she'll enjoy.  It took months of badgering to get her to watch Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, but she watched - and, more importantly, enjoyed, both films.

Kick-Ass, then, was our film of choice. I've had it a while, but as soon as you use the words "Super" and "Hero" with Kellie, her eyes kinda glaze over and a little ooze of drool makes an appearance in the side of her mouth. Aside from the Batman movies, I also managed to get her to watch - and again, enjoy - Watchmen a while back, so figured another "Grown Ups" Super-Hero movie would be good.

Now, I know there are some of you out there that only know of Kick Ass thanks to it's "controversy" when it was released. I however, don't care if an 11-year-old actress uses the most unholy of all swear words. No, it's not a nice word, but it IS amusing.

So, snuggled down, full tummies, we watched the film.

To say we laughed would be an understatement. To say it's NOT for kids is most certainly a given. But I can honestly say we thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. The little girl swearing was highly amusing to us - and we can differentiate between "Movie" and "Real Life" so I think we're safe.

Another added bonus to the film was the soundtrack. I'll often watch something and think "Oooh I like that song, and I like that one too" but every now and then the soundtrack is bloody excellent and with the occasional exception I love every song they play. So today, we're queuing up the songs while we sit and chill out!

If you've not seen it and don't mind violent, sweary, action Super Hero movies, then we highly recommend it. It is a fast-paced, action-packed type... Lots of fight scenes, bloody, swearing, flashing lights, guns, swords... And an 11 year old girl that kills and swears too! The soundtrack is well worth a listen too - and currently, we have the Original Score playing as well!

Tonight - being Sunday, a work/school night, we are watching something else, but it's Kellies choice tonight. I'm trying to nudge her to see the 1946 version of Dickens' Great Expectations which she has somehow never seen nor read... I only emphasis this, because she's well read with the classics of Dickens, Shakespeare and that sort of thing. It only came up during the week while - of all things - watching South Park. An episode featuring the English kid Pip came on, and it was "his story" which was just Great Expectations - so we turned it off so Kellie didn't see any actual story spoilers!

Anyways... I am still on my break from Facebook, I'm pottering on Twitter here and there, I didn't get hit by a satellite (another blog entry entirely!) and am currently waiting for some painkillers to do what they say on the tin after two days of gardening. Front AND Back...

Toodle-Byes!

Ones To Watch?

Kellie and Myself love our movies. We might not watch a lot of television programs, but snuggled down on the sofa with a copious amount of snackage is always a good way to spend an evening or a child-free weekend.

Every now and then I will go through the "Coming Soon" lists to see what's due out in the coming months, and quite often a lot of it I sift straight past with a big fat "meh" Every now and then, however, several things catch my eye and I want them to come out kinda sorta soonish.

As I have proven many times in the past, I am quite happy to completely ignore any and all movie critic reviews. After all, I might happen to like the random-stuff-blowing-up-even-though-it's-not-explosive affairs, and what they thought was a crappy plot or rubbish acting, I enjoy it. And on the other side of the coin, there are films that receive rave reviews that I have seen and sit there wondering how I can reclaim those two hours of lost life...

But I digress. There are seven films that look promising, and one that I'm not entirely sure about, but we'll get to that...

Your Highness
As a rule, I am not a big fan of the Fantasy-Comedy. I like my fantasy full of elves and magic and stuff, and not a random slapstick with swords. If I want comedy fantasy I will watch Shrek, thank you.

However. Something about this trailer made me want to see this.




Zookeeper
Kevin James makes me chuckle, even though I never saw his TV Show. I first saw him in a movie Kellie suggested, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, which had me in stitches. Since then, I've seen most of his movies and he cracks me up.

Zookeeper strikes me in the same sort of vein of Night At The Museum which I loved too, so hopefully this one will be as good/funny.




Puss In Boots
OK, yes, I said previously about Fantasy/Comedy movies, but come on, this is Puss in Boots. I loved the character in the Shrek movies, and now he's gained his own movie franchise.

My worry? That the makers have taken the Shrek license and are just running with it, wringing out every last movie ticket and toy sale they can. The trailer doesn't show much, so fingers crossed it works.




Cowboys & Aliens
Crossing over genres is hard to do, and it's harder to do right. When I saw something about this last year, I actually thought it was going to be A) Animated, and B) A kids movie. Oops, wrong AND wrong again.

The long trailer does make it look quite impressive, but then, it might just be Independence Day set in the wild west. Fingers crossed it works...




Super 8
Steven Spielberg used to mess with my head when I was little, but I loved ET & Close Encounters. Now, as a grown up, it's JJ Abrams with Lost and Cloverfield that screw my brain around.  Imagine my "ooooh" moment when I saw that Super 8 is from both of them.

The trailer looks very much like Close Encounters, with the night time mood, wobbly signs and stuff, but very Cloverfield/Lost with the you-know-there's-something-there-but-you-can't-see-it...




Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark
As a general rule, scary movies aren't, well, scary. They don't do anything for me and I tend to sit there yawning. Kellie, on the other hand, tends to get behind pillows and under duvets while cowering.

I watched this trailer mainly because it's a Del Toro movie, and he has quite the imagination. And I was right, this one made me jump, and Kellie actually kept her eyes closed, even though you know what's coming.

Don't watch this trailer if you're prone to being scared.




Rubber
The WTF movie of the list is a "horror" and that is pretty much the only pigeon-hole it will fit into. We've seen horror movies that are normal humans, evil humans, the undead, evil possessed cars, but this... This is about Robert.

A tyre.

Not even a wheel, just the tyre. At first I thought "uuuh..." when I saw the release date was April 1st, but after a bit of digging it is apparently real.

I just want to see it for the WTF aspect of it all!




Real Steel
This is the movie I can't decide on... Real Steel is set a bit in the future, where boxing has been replaced by robot-boxing. It reads like one of these underdog-makes-good movies, complete with washed out person that was once very good, and someone (in this case, a robot) that no one believes in.

Except, you know, it's full of boxing robots.

I can't decide if it's going to be a half-decent movie with a plot and stuff, or if someone sat watching Transformers and thought "You know, we need more movies with robots beating the pants off one another"

I have a sneaking suspicion, it's going to be the latter...





Of course, this ENTIRE list is moot and uninteresting, simply because the only movie that I want to see (and now!) is The Hobbit. Sorry, movies, plural. It's been in the press this week that filming has actually started down in jolly New Zealand, and apparently is still on course for it's December 2012 release. I'm a little peeved that it's being done as two movies, but then, I suppose with the success of the Lord of the Rings series, the companies are willing to let Peter Jackson do it exactly as he wants. If it means they tell the story in it's entirety (or as near as dammit) then that's fine by me.

I DID notice, however, that Elijah Wood has been recast as Frodo. Which is strange as I am really sure he's not in it... Especially as I think that he isn't even born during The Hobbit. I can only hope assume, that the story of The Hobbit will be told from the characters point of view at the end of LotR, in a "This is where the ring came from" aspect with Bilbo telling him the whole journey, or Frodo reading Bilbos book.

I am sure it will only be a minor peeve - after all, Peter Jackson has already said he wants to put Legolas in the story too, and he wasn't in The Hobbit as far as I can remember...

Still, we can only wait and see! I'm not going to comment on any of the casting choices or decisions, as I am pretty sure they are going to do a marvellous job of it all.

Best source of information on The Hobbit is probably TheOneRing.net, and generally where I sit reading every now and then for more info! Till then, I think I'm going to dust off the book again!

Being Nursed...

With Monday being what Monday was, Kellie decided to go into overdrive mode in order to look after me.  With movies being the best way to distract your favorite blogger, Kellie got a shed-load of movies in to keep me entertained.

And, I mean the proverbial Shed Load.  Kinda like a metric Crap-Ton.  Only more-so.

Now, I can't remember exactly what order we watched them in, but starting from Sunday evening, and into the wee-small hours (just after 3am!), then all day Monday, again, into the wee-small hours, and again on Tuesday till late.

Our lounge was Movie Central!

For the most part, they were all comedy, some were action comedy, a couple were kids movies, and a couple were, er, Harry Potter.

• Despicable Me
• Keeping Mum
• Marmaduke
• Matchstick Men
• The Hangover
• The Other Guys
• The Boat that Rocked
• The Infidel
• Tropic Thunder
• Wild Target
• Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix
• Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince
• Red

Out of all of them, I'd be hard to say which one was the best.  The Boat That Rocked is about Pirate Radio in the UK back in the 60s, and was excellent.  Red was a really good action movie that had us both giggling throughout, and The Other Guys was a great take on Not-So-Action-Cops.  Harry Potters Phoenix was quite good, but The Half Blood Prince kinda sorta didn't seem to do anything or go anywhere.

All of this was broken up with random programs on BBC iPlayer - mainly while we ate dinner and stuff.  On top of all this, Kellie has never seen Heroes, so I've been slipping an episode or two in here and there.

But this wasn't the only distraction...  Kellie used her female wiles (*nudge wink*) and after nipping out to "get a few bits of shopping" came back with all the trimmings for a roast lamb dinner.  And on top of this, all the stuff to make a slab of Rhubarb Crumble.

Yum.

And this isn't including the sack of snacks and nibbles to go with it all...  Nuts, crisps, chocolate, popcorn, snacks...

No, suffice to say, Kellie has well and truly looked after me the last few days.  Granted, she may be fattening me up for her large oven in her Gingerbread House, but I don't care...

So a great big thank you to my Kellie for looking after me.  I love you very much baby.

So much so, that I won't post the last "Things She Says" from last night.  How nice am I!

Bethys Birthday

Yesterday, being January 15th, I pretty much had two options for the day: wallow and feel sorry for myself, or find something to do and think nice things...

Lucky for me, I have a wonderful girlie in Kellie, so she planned the day for me so I didn't have to use my silly man-brain too much.

Not that there's much danger of that happening anyway, but still, just in case...

The day didn't get to a brilliant start as, like normal, I didn't sleep well and ended up getting out of bed at half five and sat in the living room thinking about my little angel. I did my blog post and then just after seven, Kellies brain told her she was alone in bed and woke her up, so she came down with me, made me a cuppa and gave me a cuddle.

Over the next hour, Dom and Molly woke up and got sorted, and I sort of pottered around to myself, my mind focused on Bethy. At some point, Dom went to spend the weekend with his dad, and the future 0dd Mother-in-Law collected Mo. Being a smelly boy, I also opted to shower and shave... I also popped out somewhere but honestly can't think where or why... When I returned, Kellie had made some toast and Hot Cross Buns. Om nom nom.

We then headed off up to Bethys garden. We stopped off at a florist and got loads of flowers; pinks, purples, whites, all very pretty. Cleared some grass trying to grow over her garden, took off some dead leaves and Kellie sorted the flowers out.

I still don't know what it is about the garden, but I struggle up there. I'm pretty sure it's because I don't go often enough, but it physically and mentally hurts. I know she's not up there, that it's a place for us to go, but none the less...

The weather yesterday was strange. It wasn't cold, but the wind was mental and thankfully the rain held off. We stood up there for a while being buffeted in the wind, Kellie looking after me, then took a walk back to Pitsea where I decided I needed to eat, so we hit Subway.

I don't think I've ever been in one before, maybe once in my life, but every time the woman said "would you like so-and-so in that for an extra cost?" I just said yes... I was hungry, and ended up with a foot-long barbecue rib with extra rib, loads of salad, sauce, and cheese! Think it cost the earth but so be it, it was yummy ;) Kellie wimped out and had a standard size with standard fillings. Lightweight.

From there, we headed home. We were planning on going out later, but the offer of a lift over to the Festival Leisure Park, again from Kellies mum, saw us leaving early.

So we hit the pub... Kinda sorta a mistake. Usually, we drink Jack Daniels and coke, but pubs being tight bastards, they don't fill the glass to the top with coke, so we ask them to fill it up. Every time we ask, they are happy to oblige. This place, however, obliged - then the cheeky bastards charged for an extra coke! So, we had a drink, had some nibbles and stalled there till it was time to eat.

We saw a while ago that a new restaurant had opened, Deans Diner, one of these American themed 50s style places. Got a table right away, got drinks no problem, ordered food and it was all very nice... Just, I don't know. We agreed the food was delicious, but for what we had and what we paid. The most amusing thing was the side of fries we had to share - there must have been thirty fries in that bowl. £3.

Still liked I say, it was very nice.

Most of us have seen Pulp Fiction? Sorry if you've not, but anyway, the scene in the diner there (Jack Rabbit Slims), she orders a five dollar shake. This place last night did something similar and with the exchange rate being how it is, this too was a five dollar shake! The flavor?

Nutella.

And oooh my goodness was it worth it. Kellie didn't think so but then she's a heathen.

A note to those going to BasVegas to eat: we got there at five and the place was pretty quiet. By six it was heaving and packed and people we queuing for tables, so be warned ;)

From there we headed to the cinema and got our barrel of drinks and buckets of popcorn. Turns out Empire in Basildon have new screens - studio screens they call them with new high-def sound, video and what not. Smaller rooms but still very good. That's where we went to see the new Tron movie. Wow... It was excellent, the special effects were brilliant, the story was great and the soundtrack was bloody brilliant. Well worth watching, and I don't think you need to see the first one in order to "get it" but i'm sure it would make the experience a little more enjoyable.

All in all, yesterday was a good day. Busy, and tinged with sadness missing my little angel, but my Kellie was there for me every step of the way to hold my hand. Not to mention all the messages every one sent, sending live and wishing well.

To me Kellie, thank you baby for yesterday, thank you for looking after me and thank you for being bloody brilliant. I love you very much x

To everyone that sent a message, text, email... Thank you too. It never ceases to amaze me how many people know who Bethy is and think about her.



Location : 23-63 Long Riding, Basildon, Essex SS14 1,
Posted on my HTC Desire HD (so apologies for strange formatting or random Predictive Typing spelling mistakes!)

Movie Quiz

OK chaps, try this on for size.  I stumbled across this image on Certified Bullshit Technician, and have had a bit of a go at it.

It contains 100 movies, converted into "simplified" icons.  You should head to the source site to grab a High-Res copy, as Blogger has a habit of resizing images sometimes. Edit: Just tested the image size and it IS the right version, so open the image, right click, save as and away you go!  I'm plugging away at it, but not sure how well I am doing, and figured you'd like to have a go too...  I'm going to past my current answers (as of 8.15pm this evening) into the comments section, and if you find any, just add them in :)

Enjoy!

Remember: COMMENTS SECTION CONTAINS ANSWERS! So no moaning about spoilers!

Ooooh

I don't know what it is, what it's about or any history, but... Ooooh!

"Clash" of the "Titans"

Fore-warned is Fore-armed, apparently... Which might be another way of saying "I might get a bit shitty in this post" so you've been warned...

On Kellies birthday, she decided that seeing a movie and going out for dinner together was what she wanted to do, just the two of us, no kids, no time limits on babysitters or anything else...

Having seen the trailers, she was quite taken by Clash of the Titans, and, seeing as I wanted to see it too, that's what we headed for.  Granted, had she chosen a chick-flick, I'd have taken her to see that and not complained.  But, CotT was the plan of action.

To be fair, I went in with an open mind, knowing it was a "new take" on the original and not an outright remake. I wasn't expecting stop-motion, Ray Harryhausen special effects, but I was expecting something different.

I'm not even sure where to begin to be honest.  Had the film been called "Random Generic Greek Myth Movie" we'd be having a different blogpost.  But it wasn't.  So I am bitching.

OK, I've deleted about four or five paragraphs now, as I'm just ranting and raving.  The special effects are very good - Medusa was icky, from a snake-o-phobe point of view.  The giant scorpions were, er, giant.  The Gods were... shiny.

As "Clash of the Titans" it was shit.  As "Random Generic Greek Myth Movie" it was quite good.  But it'd be like putting a Whopper in a Big Mac box.  They're kind of the same thing, but completely different at the same time.

Biggest irks of the entire movie...  Holy Shit, Hades...  If you're an actor that can do an "evil voice" at least don't use the EXACT SAME "evil voice" as you do in previous movies.  Honestly, was that Hades, or was it Voldemort?!  And poor old Persius...  He saved the day, saved the princess (who he told to piss off), and as a reward, poor Persius gets.... no, not his dead family back that he's been whining about through the WHOLE movie, but some bint that knocked him over while they were having a merry old jaunt on the River Styx.

*snort growl*

I think I need my medicine...

Coming Soon...

To a screen near you...  Things!

Now, I'm not one to watch the various whisper-whisper-rumour sites for TV Shows and Movies that are upcoming, but every now and then I DO have a little nosey-nose to see what's out there.

The last movie I watched was Avatar, in 3D no less. James at The Diet Plate took me and Kellie out for our Xmas pressie, paying silly amounts for the funky seats with free food and drink. Still, that movie was excellent, and to be honest, I hadn't really paid any attention to the hype/nay-sayers with it coming up. I saw a trailer for Avatar when Kellie and I went out with Gemma and Pete to see Final Destination 3D (Yawn-tastic!). It looked pretty, and the blue chaps made me think of Warcraft Night Elves.

But I digress...

This evening, while the kids were simmering in their own filth bathing, I had a poke about online, using IMdB and YouTube to see what was coming out...

Tron Legacy
Hmmm, I thought this was originally going to be a remake of the old Tron movie we all know and love (however, I've not seen it in years, and know if I DO watch it, my Nostalgia will turn to WTF!), but after seeing this trailer, it's clearly not.  I DON'T think I could watch the original and then go see the new one though... I think I'll probably cry ;)

And before you trolling trolls come out of the woodwork to whine at me, don't bother.  Yes, Tron was ahead of it's time, yes it was cutting edge back then, blah blah blah...  MY Blog.  MY opinion.  Don't like it, jog on ;)

Robin Hood
Another one that I'm not sure about. I've watched the trailer a couple of times now, but for some reason, all I can see is Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe in a different version of Gladiator. Some of the forest fight scenes from the trailer actually look like the ones out of Gladiator. I'm sure it'll be a big, sprawling epic, but will I enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Gladiator? I don't know. It's a "new take" on the Robin Hood story, so who knows.

Though the little voice in my head is just telling me it's going to be a random medieval movie using the name of Robin Hood. We'll see.





How To Train Your Dragon
OK, yes, it's a kids movie. Yes, it is - like most kids movies now - computer animated. And by Dreamworks too. However, from the trailer, it DOES look pretty entertaining. I saw it originally at the Avatar showing (I think...) and it looked good in 3D then too. Of course, even from the trailer, you can tell what will happen and how it will end. Well, I assume so, but I digress. The kids seemed very interested in it too, but then, like magpies, they like all the shiny new things ;)






Shrek Forever After
See above. Kids, computer animated, Dreamworks... But THIS is a Shrek movie, and even though the two sequels so far have been cheesy-BUT-still-enjoyable, I have no doubt this will be a good one too. Looks like they're not going to flog the dead donkey horse too much, and are playing the "alternate reality" card, so they can tell the same story from a different angle.

Wait, that is flogging the dead equine-type-beastie. Hmmm...






The A Team
I don't know. I just don't know. I knew they were making it, but I have avoided looking into it for the most part. Again with the nostalgia. It was great back then, but will it be the same, or will it be "Hey, let's make a random action movie, throw in random plots and explosions and all the rest of it - BUT let's use the A Team franchise" I have a nasty suspicion that's how a lot of Hollywood movies come about these days. The formula for a movie is A+B+C-D=Movie, where A is big-name actor, B is big name director, C is big money special effects, and D is plot.

Bless the remakes of the world...






Clash of the Titans
YES, I am guilty. This is one movie I HAVE been kinda sorta following a bit. You may even recall I had a whine back in December about it, and since then, a new trailer has come about. It's basically the same as the original trailer, but with a bit more in the way of "Look at our CGI" and "Here's some talky parts"

I am still struggling with the Right or Wrong of the making of this movie. I STILL love the original, and even though, yes, it IS dated, it's still an excellent movie - as a movie, and how it was technically.






Prince of Persia
Now, computer-game movies are generally a bit Hit and Miss, and by that I mean, they usually end up going straight down the flusher. Which is another reason I am worried what will happen with the World of Warcraft movie... But I digress. The Prince of Persia computer games have been around since, erm... a while. A LONG while. I suppose it was only a matter of time. On the plus side, it's getting done by Disney. And Jerry Bruckheimer is doing it, which for some is a minus point, but I tend to enjoy his movies for the Popcorn factor. Of course, I suspect a lot of the Pirates of the Caribbean team will be involved. Which probably means it will be "Pirates of the Caribbean - Set in a Desert"

Still, if it's got a good plot and decent actors - and doesn't rely on the "Ooooh purdy" factor to make it big, then it should do well. Pirates did very well, so who knows - maybe a decent Game-Turned-Movie will appear (though I DID like Tomb Raider!)







Now, other than movies, what else is there... TV Shows tend to sneak up on me, or I miss the bus completely and get in on it two or three seasons too late. Lost, CSI, House, 24 - all great, but I didn't realise as such till everyone else told me to watch them. The only exceptions have been Lie To Me and Heroes. I saw them both coming, and loved them both.

However, I'm not entirely sure there is anything on the radar that I am really looking forward to, with the exception of the new Doctor Who series, especially as no David Tennant means no Billie Piper. Holy CRAP did I get sick to the teeth of her, or people moaning about "poor Rose".

The new bloke, Matt Smith, from what I have seen online is going to do a pretty good job, and it'll be nice to get some fresh stuff flowing. Or, as fresh as you can get it.

Feel free to voice your thoughts and opinions on the movies, suggest others (especially if they are remakes of old stuff!) and let me know of any TV shows that might pique my interests!

PS: They're making a Marvin the Martian movie... Bet they screw that up too...

Remade, But...

Quite possibly, one of the more classic films of our day is The Clash of the Titans.  I don't know why exactly, but it is certainly one of my most favourite movies of all time.

Ever.

And when I say "our day" I mean people over 25 or so...  You kids reading don't know how good you got it.  And gerroff my lawn!

Now, before you start jumping up and down about the image on the left, my reasoning for it is Ray Harryhausen, NOT the subject in question.  If you don't get what I am talking about, don't worry :D

It has to be said, that remakes are, for the most part, very very hit and miss - with emphasis on the miss part.  While I have an addled brain, trying to think of any decent remakes is, for want of a better phrase, too much of a pain in the arse.

If you can think of a movie that has been remade and better, then by all means let me know in the comments.

But...

Next year, the remake of The Clash of the Titans comes out.  I've seen the teaser trailer a couple of times, and am torn...  First up, here's the trailer:


Now, this is actually quite dinky, so if you want to see it in full screen or, even better, HD, then click the video and watch it on the YouTube site.

So, they've taken the original, removed Ray Harryhausen from the equation (After all, aside from the Wallace & Grommit people, how many movies  are made with proper models any more?), and made the movie a CGI Free For All. 

So, my questions (sort of) is this...  Can a remake of a classic film be better than the original?  Will it improve the story, or will it just be Hollywood needing more money, and to save on pesky "new things" just take an old thing and remake it. After all, how much word does that take?!

Yes yes, this is just a teaser and all that, but it's the principle I am talking about here.  Thoughts?

Star Wars Virgin

Kellie is, shall we say, a little sheltered in the ways of Sci-Fi.  Currently, she is ploughing through my copy of The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, and she loves-loves-loves her Lego Star Wars games. Granted she enjoys Lego Batman and is waiting on her Lego Indiana Jones, but she loves her Star Wars.  She's also ploughed her way through and loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy (to the point she's named her cat Arwen), so slowly but surely, I am getting her more worldly.

Well, Other Worldly ;)

Edit: A correction has been pointed out to me. Madam Kellie is a complete Doctor Who buff, so is not as unworldly as I realise ;)  I apologise, and will admit I was wrong... :D


In a worrying turn of events, however, she's not seen the movies - at least, not to the point of being able to actually remember any of them.  So, me being me, I'm going to MAKE her watch them all.

And herein lies the issue and reason for this post.  What order should she watch them in?

It seems a simple question, but then, I'm not sure what to do for the best.  See, us Old Timers that watched them the first time around watched them in the order they were released.  New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi.  Then, years later, when the new films came out, we had to watch them; Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith.  And, later still, the CGI animated Clone Wars movie and subsequent TV Series.

In order of release, the story would probably make no sense, but then, 4,5,6 then 1,2,3 makes for interesting fore-shadowing story telling.

Now, the story order would make sense in a story-telling way.  1,2 - then the Clone Wars, then the series, then 3,4,5 and 6.  This would tell the story like a book, page to page, as it were...

But I just don't know what to do for the best.  So, I ask you dear reader...  What do we think would be the best way for a Star Wars Virgin to enjoy the entire collection?

Release Order:
Episode 4: A New Hope
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
The Clone Wars (Movie)
The Clone Wars (Series)

Chronological Order:
Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones
The Clone Wars (Movie)
The Clone Wars (Series)
Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith
Episode 4: A New Hope
Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back
Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

Place Your Votes!

Star Wars Viewing

Click here to vote

Free!

You know what they say.  They all say it.  They.

Well, actually it was Robert Burns, and also worth mentioning, people quote it wrong. However, they still say it, in some form or another:

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley."

Or, in other words, no matter how well you plan something, it'll go pear-shaped.  Of course, he was a Scot - writing it that way would have been too easy ;)

Still, the point...

Last week, 0dd-sister gives me a call and arranges for me and Kellie to meet up with her and Pete, and head out to the movies and watch The Final Destination 3D.  Very thrilling.  The plan was simple.  We get the bus to town, meet Gemma who picks us up from the station, she drives to the movies, we eat popcorn and drink whatever, watching a movie in 3D in an effort to scare the pants off us The Girls.

The day started rather well - while waiting at the bus stop, a friend is picking her mum up in the car, and gives us a lift from Canvey to Basildon.  Bonus - saved our bus fair.  So, we let Gemma know to get us from my place, not the station.  We eat sausage roll and drink coffee.

Still so far so good.

The Gemma Mobile arrives, and the four of us get to the movies in one piece.  Double bonus.  Gemma has grabbed the tickets on her card, so I give her the money for me and Kellie.  £16 for the pair of us.  The Sis is nice and lets us off the £1.60 card booking fee.  Bless.  Kellie then spends an obscene amount of money on a bucket of popcorn and two bottles of water.  The Sis and Brother in Law spend an even dafter amount on sweets, popcorn and a drink.

Loaded down, we head into the theatre, grab our very fetching 3D specs - which I promptly put on - and we sit and wait, munching on our popcorn.  And munch we did - and munch away merrily, with Gemma adding more of her popcorn into my bucket for added Fat Bastardness.

After a rather long period of munching - and, honestly, getting nowhere fast - a member of staff toddles in, and tells us there is an issue with the encryption key of the film, and we have to wait.  Me, I'm happy with my seemingly bottomless popcorn and bottle of water, still watching the world through 3D specs.  No, not the coloured sort.  But I'm also wearing my normal glasses too, so looked exceedingly manly.

Me and Pete joke about the staff trying to finish off the download of the movie from a torrent site, and I continue to eat.  Another fifteen minutes pass, and Mr Staff Type comes in, and tells us there's a problem with the key, the film won't play - but you can watch something else if you like.

Considering the place was heaving with kids, and Gemma was on a timer with Dear Old Mum with her babysitter hat, we opted for the refund route.  After chewing the poor bloke out, we queued up and waiting for Gemma to be processed for her refund.  Then they tried to refuse the credit card fee refund - not that it was a lot, just the principle of it.  Apparently we had to fill in a form for that.  So we waited and waited and - did I mention I was still munching on popcorn.

Eventually, Gemma gets her refund completed, gives me back my money, and then we decide to point out we'd never have paid for their Overpriced Popcorn had we not come out - and somehow, through either sheer determination, or the manager having enough and just agreeing regardless - we got our food and drink refunded too.  Took them a while to figure Gemma & Petes stuff mind you, and they even ended up with £1.50 or so extra refunded.

He really couldn't be bothered.

And to top it all off, while sitting at Gemmas - where I finally allowed the last inch of popcorn to survive - Kellie managed to convince her mum to drive us back to Canvey.

But there's more!

Sitting at The Sisters abode, we all sent the cinema a snotty email.  Rather, Pete sent a carefully worded jobbie, Kellie sent a polite mail with words like "disappointed" such like... Me, I sent a four paragraph rant, summing them up as "completely rubbish"

Guess which of us got four free tickets in way of compensation!

Paid Out
Bus fare: £7.40 (avoided)
Ticket price: £16 (refunded)
Booking fee: £1.60 (refunded)
Popcorn & Water: £10 (refunded)

Received
Four Free Tickets £32

So, to be honest, it was a very profitable day, and I didn't need feeding for a good couple of hours!  However, I'm not sure I'll go for the popcorn again...

Decluttering!

Over the last two-three weeks, I have been a busy little banana.  In my wisdom, I decided that I wanted to chuck out loads of junk, rearrange some rooms around, sort out some rooms and generally have a whale of a time (note: may be sarcastic) cleaning up.

And now, I think I have cracked it and finally gotten somewhere with it all.  Me and Jaysen have swapped out bedrooms back - we changed rooms two, maybe three years back - but I was sick of the box room, and he was sick of the noise at the front of the house.  Me and the kids chucked out bags of old, broken toys, threw out old clothes and moved things about.  I chucked out a few bits from the kitchen, though that's still flagged as a "work in progress" as it's ended up as a dumping ground for all the stuff I currently haven't rehomed.

The lounge, however, had to be left for a while as my long-suffering mother was getting her leather suite and some units  sent over for me...  So till I knew what was happening there, I decided to leave it alone.  Ish.  I still ripped loads of stuff out and cleared up the sides and stuff.

Yesterday, my brother-in-law Peter, his dad and my mum dragged all the stuff over and we hefted it all into the house, while chucking the old sofa out.  The room was stripped and ready to go, and I suspected I had a loooong job ahead of me.

Lucky for me, it only took several hours, and now, I have a living room with a sofa and two armchairs again, plus the TV, Cable and Stereo/speakers are all neat and tidy on their respective units.

My computer is finally reconnected too, though this time it's up in my room for the time being - I'm still not sure what I'm doing with mine or the kids PCs.  Time will tell I imagine.

Of course, I've also been busy at Kellies too - last week, we switched her living room and dining room back around and had a potter around, then cleared out her hall, stairs and landing, which I've been helping decorate since...

Yeah, I'm knackered ;)  My breakfast today consisted of painkillers and.. no, that was it!

To top it all off, Sally has been a very poorly little doggy.  Three weeks ago, she fell over and couldn't get back up.  An emergency appointment at the vets, and she had some blood taken, and some pain killers prescribed.  These, however, did zero to help her, and she was struggling to walk or do anything.  A week later, back at the vets, and was warned it could be something nasty wrong with her brain or spine - cancers and the like.  One blessing, however, was that she wasn't actually in any pain - just that her body wasn't working properly.

So, he took more bloods for more tests, and prescribed antibiotics - just in case.

Again, these meds did nothing, and she was still hardly doing anything, not even moving when people came into the house - not a good sign for the silly mutt.

Five days later, back at the vets.  All the bloods came back with nothing to report, so his last two attempts to figure what is wrong with her involved taking some samples from her lymph glands, and to start her on steroids.  He suspects she either has a strange joint disorder - who's name escapes me - or lymphoma, a cancer.  He started her on the steroids to see if it made a difference, and we go back Monday for more results.

However, the silver lining is showing - she is actually up, about and wandering around almost perfectly!  When I came down this morning, she got up to see me, we had a cuddle, then she wandered to the door so I could let her out for a wee.

Fingers crossed this is the steroids working, which means it's NOT Lymphoma - so, she may be on medication, but at least she's happy ;)

And in between all that, I've been out, about and doing stuff.  Me and Kellie also saw The Taking of Pelham 123 on Wednesday - excellent movie, and John Travolta does play an excellent badguy!

So anyway, me and the kids are off to Canvey today to spend a few days with Kellie - no idea what's going on this weekend, so hopefully, it'll be a quiet one!

A Mixed Bag o' Stuff

Today has been... erm... a little bit up and down, really. I'm not sure about the rest of the world out there, but over here, it was Fathers Day. Now, I think I might have touched on it before, but it's really not a day I associate with good times. Firstly, I don't need a day for my kids to tell me they love me, that I'm great or anything else - it's like an annual review... If I were a bad daddy, would I have been fired today? Would I have been put on probation and demoted (to mummy....!)

Anyway, without going into all the detail - those who know, know - my main reason for not liking Fathers Day is the fact that it is made abundantly clear that I am missing one.

Despite having been up on cloud nine for the last couple of weeks, today loomed, and marched inorexibly forwards till I woke up this morning and thought the most profound of thoughts.

"Arse"

So, with Ruth having her family down, I called her to make sure she was up and at 'em. Then I rolled out of bed, sorted myself out, threw on some clothes, and left the house. I only had one place on my mind. Bethany's Garden.

I walked there which in itself is a fair walk, but I NEEDED to do it. I've been thinking about it of late, and since the split knew I would have to go there. For ME, before anyone asks. So, I didn't tell anyone because I knew people would say things like "Good luck" and "You can do it" and other messages that would make me NOT want to go. I didn't plan it, simply because if I knew I was going on Day X at Time Y, I wouldn't go.

I even turned my phones off.

Walking there with my music, no problem. Lovely day, all was good. Got up there and went straight to her garden, where I knelt and felt sad but wasn't crying. Thanks to the rather mental weather, the grass up there has had a mental spurt and was growing through, so I pulled up a load of grass, emptied some dead flowers out and stood up little toys that had been knocked over. I sat up there for a little while, talking softly to her, before heading out.

And that is when I lost it. Not the going. Not the seeing. Not the talking to. But turning away from her and walking from where she is. Just like the day I lost her. I didn't hide my tears - I wasn't going to make excuses to anyone for them, and got to the gates, where I called Jo to let her know where I was. We had a little chat, and she told me her plans to redo it in the coming weeks.

I finished chatting to Jo and felt a bit more with it, and sent a couple of messages off to Kellie - she was out with her extended family-that-isn't-but-none-the-less having a party, so I didn't call her. Then I noticed the texts received, missed calls and voice mail alerts.

Turns out just after I left the house, Ruth tried to call - I was supposed to take my big pan to her as she was feeding the five thousand, but had forgotten and was out. Of course, Dan not answering one of his three phones, not responding to text nor voice mail, and, as far as the world knew, still at home.

Yeah, you can see where this is going.

So I panicked Ruth, who in turn woke up Cel (who has a key for dog-purposes) as Silent Dan is pretty much unheard of. So I had to speak to her and apologise for being incommunicado. Panic over, though it did make me smile a little. Especially as I knew the main bolt was on my front door, so Cel's key would have done precisely nothing - well, aside from make the girls actually urinate in their undies.

On the way home - walking, still - I had a few texts from Kellie which made me smile and cheered me up a bit more. By the time I got in, I was pretty much OK, just a bit sad still. Sad is better than batshit mental ;)

I grabbed some food and headed to Ruth with my pan, having someone tell me en route that I "looked like a bit of a mental" to which I replied "No, it's OK, I'm just a pot dealer" and wiggled my very large saucepan at him. Got to Ruth, sat down for a coffee and her tribe arrived. Then they left and I quickly mowed her lawn (which, I should add, had also gone f'king mental from this weather!) which I did a stunning job of. Then we had a chat and I went back home.

Once home, I sat and watched the last of House, Season Three (Oh, and thanks to the writer to include a little blonde girl that needs heart surgery, suffers a stroke, and her fav. toy is her stuffed bunny), while drinking coffee and chilling out. Oh, and hearing from Kellie on how her day was going - short description might be "mad house". Then, early evening, the boy came home and we chilled out together for a while, sharing weekend stories as we do, till he had a shower and went to bed. Well, just before he went to bed, Lane turned up to see how I was doing. She started trying to go depressive on me, so I beat her up a bit and kicked her out of the house. With Sally not sure if she should be attacking me or attacking the stalker... So she covered both bases before Lane drove off.

And finally, after all day of both of us being all over the place, I finally managed to get Kellie on the phone, and we sat and talked, and grinned, and giggled and sat quietly... Ahhh shuddup ;) It was my longest phone call since... erm... wow, ever I think! Just over two hours we talked. Can you tell I miss her.

Rhetorical question ;)

After that, I fiddled around on Plurk for a while - if you don't use it, learn, because it's great. And then, while laying here trying to sleep, I decided I needed to blog.

So, as you can see, as is usual for Chéz 0ddness, it's been a bit of a strange day really. I think I covered a good range of emotions! But even with ALL that, with everything going on - I'm still off the meds!

And in other news, as a side note, a PS or addendum... I've added a couple of new blogs to the side bar you should go read!

Geek Mama: Does as it says on the tin. She's a mummy... That's a geek.

OK, erm... *blush* the other two appear to have NOT saved - so I will add them to this list in the morning! Oopsie... I'm tired, sue me! Otherwise, I am feeling good once again. Really good. Me and Kellie have spoken about a lot of stuff that I've had in my little "Bag of Stuff", but she accepts I'm a bit of a mixed bag, and is quite happy with that. I know there are times I can be a bit... or, rather, a lot... Dan. I'm not what I would consider a normal, stable person, but she seems to like me for me, which is the most important part. Thankfully, we agree this is me:

Thank you Mr Shrek, for describing me perfectly ;)

Monster Movies Madness

Monster movies are nothing new to me. For the most part, tacky or otherwise, I love 'em. Last year, I saw sneak peaks and then trailers for a couple of movies that really caught my eye.

Firstly, back in August, there was my post for Dragon Wars. Fantasy-Meets-Modern Day, with monster (dragons) tearing up the city and causing panic. Whooo cities being destroyed by Great Big Monsters. I bought it a couple of days back, and with me feeling rough as anything (more info to follow!) I decided to sit and watch it.

Holy Pants by all that is Unholy, what a pile of toilet. The plot is about as easy to follow as a toddlers scribble on a wall, the acting is more wooden than a mahogany table, and generally, it's skips all over the shop like... Meh, it sucked. Enough with the analogies, but it was in fact pants.

Pants on a stick, no less. The main "dragon" type thingie is just a big snake. Which, I noted, seemed to change size randomly from Large, to Massive, to Gargantuan, and then skipping around between. The CGI Effects were pretty, and the "battle" scene in the city was well done, but daaaamn I paid money for that!

However, I was pleased that my next choice of movie, Cloverfield - which I posted about back in December - was the complete polar opposite. It's filmed from the point of view of someone with a camcorder, and shows a rather large and ugly beastie trashing New York. Poor NY, it gets a hammering...

What I love about Cloverfield as well (By Mr JJ "I make Lost" Abrahms) is that fact the movie doesn't try to blind you with backstory or "This Is Where It Came From" stuff. It's a monster, it's being mean to the city, sod the rest of it. Of course, they manage to throw a love story in there too... But it sooo works.

This Dan will be getting the Cloverfield 2-disc special jobbie.
This Dan will also be using his Dragon Wars DVD as a funky frisbee or something. But I think I should make Jo watch it first. She can tell people I perform mental anguish on her now she's left ;)

300 Movies

When people ask me to describe myself in one word, I usually struggle with something to sum me up. Added to this, people frown on me for inventing words. I mean, it's not like they say "Use one word in the English language to describe yourself". One such word I use is Listaholic which I feel is pretty damn descriptive.

List - we all know what a list is.
'aholic - yeah, that too.

It's not rocket scientist.

However, saying that, I do get pee'd off at the end of the year when those lists appear all over the place: Best Movie/Actor/Music/Album/Whatever of *year*. And they always manage to do a Top 100 Countdown for it. Other lists that nark me are the "List of things you simply MUST See/Hear/Do/Watch/Blah/Feh/Meh" because I have to say, I don't want some Willy in a Suit telling me what I should/should not see.

I think that's why I never listen to Critics of any kind.

Someone sent me another one of these such lists today. According to Maxim Magazine, these are the 300 movies you HAVE to see as they are the best EVAH! See them before you DIE!

Now, I umm'd and arr'd about posting just the link, or posting the actual LIST. Yes, I am kid free, so it's not like I have anything better to do, so I opted to do the list. And, no, I've not counted them. There may or may not be three hundred movies on there, nor do I know when it was written.

So, here we have the list, sorted as per Maxim into genre, and everything marked in Bold Italics is something I've actually seen. Feel free to do it too if you REALLY can be bothered, but apparently I have boredom issues... Oh, and if you're "a bit special" the numbers beside each one are the year of release..

COMEDY
Airplane! 1980
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy 2004
Animal House 1978
American Pie 1999
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 1997
Bachelor Party 1984
Bananas 1971
Beverly Hills Cop 1984
The Big Lebowski 1998
Blazing Saddles 1974
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan 2006
Caddyshack 1980
The Cannonball Run 1981
Clerks 1994
Dazed and Confused 1993
Duck Soup 1933
Dumb & Dumber 1994
Election 1999
The 40-Year-Old Virgin 2005
Ghostbusters 1984
Groundhog Day 1993
Happy Gilmore 1996
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle 2004
It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World 1963
The Jerk 1979
Kingpin 1996
Modern Times 1936
Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975
The Nutty Professor 1963
Office Space 1999
Old School 2003
The Pink Panther Strikes Again 1976
The Princess Bride 1987
Raising Arizona 1987
Sixteen Candles 1984
Some Like It Hot 1959
This Is Spinal Tap 1984
Trading Places 1983
Vacation 1983
Wedding Crashers 2005
Wet Hot American Summer 2001
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory 1971
Young Frankenstein 1974

BUDDY MOVIES
American Graffiti 1973
The Blues Brothers 1980
Breaking Away 1979
Deliverance 1972
Glengarry GlenRoss 1992
The Goonies 1984
The Last Detail 1973
Lethal Weapon 1987
The Right Stuff 1983
Saturday Night Fever 1977
The Shawshank Redemption 1994
Stand by Me 1986
Stripes 1981
Superbad 2007
Swingers 1996
Top Gun 1986
The Warriors 1979

ACTION
48 Hrs. 1982
Batman 1989
Batman Begins 2005
Battle Royale 2000
Bourne trilogy 2002, ’04, ’07
Braveheart 1995
Clash of the Titans 1981
Die Hard 1988
Enter the Dragon 1973
Face/Off 1997
First Blood 1982
Gladiator 2000
The Incredibles 2004
Kill Bill: Vol.1 & 2 2003, ’04
The Lord of the Rings trilogy 2001, ’02, ’03
The Matrix 1999
Predator 1987
Raiders of the Lost Ark 1981
The Road Warrior 1981
Rocky I–IV 1976–85
Speed 1994
Spider-Man 2002

WAR
Apocalypse Now 1979
Black Hawk Down 2001
The Bridge on the River Kwai 1957
The Deer Hunter 1978
The Dirty Dozen 1967
Dr. Strangelove 1964
Gallipoli 1981
The Great Escape 1963
*M*A*S*H 1970
Platoon 1986
Saving Private Ryan 1998

WESTERNS
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 1969
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 1966
High Noon 1952
High Plains Drifter 1973
Jeremiah Johnson 1972
The Searchers 1956
Tombstone 1993
True Grit 1969
Unforgiven 1992
The Wild Bunch 1969

REBELS
Billy Jack 1971
Cool Hand Luke 1967
Dirty Harry 1971
Dirty Mary Crazy Larry 1974
Easy Rider 1969
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 1986
The Graduate 1967
A History of Violence 2005
The Hustler 1961
The King of Comedy 1983
Network 1976
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 1975
Raging Bull 1980
Risky Business 1983
Taxi Driver 1976
Smokey and the Bandit 1977
Taxi Driver 1976
Three Days of the Condor 1975
Trainspotting 1996

COPS
Bad Lieutenant 1992
Bullitt 1968
Chinatown 1974
The Departed 2006
Donnie Brasco 1997
Fargo 1996
The French Connection 1971
Hard Boiled 1992
RoboCop 1987
Se7en 1995
Shaft 1971
The Silence of the Lambs 1991
To Live and Die in L.A. 1985
The Untouchables 1987

CRIMINALS
Atlantic City 1980
Bad Boys 1983
Bloody Mama 1970
Bonnie and Clyde 1967
The Boys From Brazil 1978
Boyz N the Hood 1991
Carlito’s Way 1993
Casino 1995
Crimes and Misdemeanors 1989
Dog Day Afternoon 1975
The Getaway 1972
Get Carter 1971
The Godfather I & II 1972, 1974
Goodfellas 1990
Heat 1995
A History of Violence 2005
In Cold Blood 1967
The Long Good Friday 1980
Mean Streets 1973
Midnight Express 1978
Natural Born Killers 1994
No Country For Old Men 2007
Pulp Fiction 1994
Reservoir Dogs 1992
River’s Edge 1986
Scarface 1983
Sexy Beast 2000
Sin City 2005
Super Fly 1972
True Romance 1993

HORROR
Carrie 1976
The Exorcist 1973
The Fly 1986
Halloween 1978
Jaws 1975
A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984
Night of the Living Dead/Dawn of the Dead 1968/1978
Psycho 1960
Rosemary’s Baby 1968
The Shining 1980
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974
28 Days Later 2002

SCI-FI/FANTASY
2001: A Space Odyssey 1968
Alien/Aliens 1979, 1986
Back to the Future 1985
Blade Runner 1982
Children of Men 2006
Close Encounters of the Third Kind 1977
E.T. 1982
King Kong 1933
Planet of the Apes 1968
Starship Troopers 1997
Star Wars 1977
Terminator/T2 1984, 1991
The Empire Strikes Back 1980

ART HOUSE
A Clockwork Orange 1971
Annie Hall 1977
Badlands 1973
The Bicycle Thief 1948
City of God 2002
The Conversation 1974
Do the Right Thing 1989
Elephant Man 1980
The Last Picture Show 1971
Midnight Cowboy 1969
Repo Man 1984
Rushmore 1998
Short Cuts 1993
There Will Be Blood 2007
Withnail and I 1987

MINDBENDERS
Akira 1988
Beetlejuice 1988
Blue Velvet 1986
Brazil 1985
Donnie Darko 2001
Edward Scissorhands 1990
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004
Fight Club 1999
The Manchurian Candidate 1962
Memento 2000
Pink Floyd: The Wall 1982
The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1975

CLASSICS
The Adventures of Robin Hood 1938
Ben-Hur 1959
Casablanca 1942
Double Indemnity 1944
Kind Hearts and Coronets 1949
Lawrence of Arabia 1962
Metropolis 1927
The Night of the Hunter 1955
On the Waterfront 1954
The Third Man 1949
Touch of Evil 1958
Vertigo 1958
White Heat 1949
The Wizard of Oz 1939

NON-GRATUITOUS NUDITY
10 1979
Angel Heart 1987
Body Heat 1981
Boogie Nights 1997
Carnal Knowledge 1971
Coffy 1973
Fast Times at Ridgemont High 1982
Jackass: The Movie 2002
McCabe & Mrs. Miller 1971
Mulholland Drive 2001
Poison Ivy: The New Seduction 1997
Revenge of the Nerds 1984
Wild Things 1998

SO BAD THEY'RE GOOD
Airport 1975 1974
Barbarella 1968
Battlefield Earth 2000
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls 1970
Death Race 2000 1975
Glen or Glenda? 1953
Phantom of the Paradise 1974
Reefer Madness 1936
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band 1978
Showgirls 1995
The Toxic Avenger 1985

I make it that I've seen just 79 of these 300 - I did notice that some of them are multiple movies on one line, so keep that in mind. I'm more interested in knowing what will happen if I FAIL to see them all... Special Hell, maybe?

How about you - how many have you seen?

Scaring The Piss Out Of Someone

I am a complete bastard. I know this full well, and I suspect there may be one or two of you that have an inkling I am not telling fibs. Normally, the kids are on the receiving end of my Complete-And-Utter-Bastardness - either pranks, jokes, shocks, surprises...

But not always. Especially now I don't have them over the weekends. No, my bastardness, it would seem, needs an outlet.

Conveniently enough, last night Ruth had me over for dinner (again, bless her). While shopping the other day, I bought a movie for £2. Yes, a DVD for two british pounds. That didn't bode well, but, you know, it was two quid.

It was that or a slab of chocolate ;)

Anyway, this movie, 1408, is a Stephen King story adapted to the silver screen. And, did I mention, it was only £2. So I took it with me last night to watch with Ruth once the girls were in bed. In true psychological horror themes, there were lots of "BOO!" moments throughout the movie, and bless Ruth, she's not the bravest of people. Covered her face at suspected scary bits, jolted the sofa when caught out...

About halfway through, she needed to go to the loo, so she hit pause and trundled upstairs. She was nervy, but holding it together... Of course, with her being of a nervous disposition, like any true friend, I hid in her dark kitchen that she had to pass by. When she set foot into the hall way, I stepped out and BLARGLED! her.

It was a good job she'd just been to the toilet. Her heart stopped, the colour drained from her face, and she lashed out slappy-slapping me ineffectively.

Me, of course, being ever-so-concerned, died in a fit of apoplexy - I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. She even used the Unholiest of Unholy word at me, the one that starts with a C...

After that, her "nervous disposition" turned into full blown Heebee Jeebies. She was completely freaked out, and the next two toilet runs, I had to go upstairs and wait on the landing.

I was set to leave her place at about 1am, but she opted to put on some Police Crime type programs that we tend to watch a lot, and convinced me to stay "a while longer". I didn't leave till after 4am.

And I'm still chuckling now.

For the record, buying a movie for £2 is, as it sounds, a bad idea. Like most Stephen King movies, 1408 started well, was filled with twists and turns - but you can spot the exact moment he got bored and just tried writing for the horror-value. It went from dark, sinister psychological scary film, to "bet this happens... there, told ya." Fair play to John Cusak though, for being solo throughout most of the movie. I'm going to have a poke around and see if I can find the book version of it, but the DVD... Well, I've let Ruth have it.

Still, at least she didn't wet herself too badly.