An 0dd Xmas Message

Here at Chez 0ddness, Christmas has been building slowly over the last four or five weeks, with presents being bought well in advance, wrapped and... no.. Wait...

Let me start over... This year hasn't been quite as manic in the run up to Crimbo as it usually is, and we have been done for longer than normal, but we have been busy these last couple of weeks.

However, for once, we were done before last-thing Xmas Eve. I was completely done 22 hours before Christmas Day. Usually, we're still wrapping/writing/stressing/arguing into the early hours of Christmas Day.

As is the case for life here, nothing runs as it does for others in the world. Case in point: At 8am this morning, Kellie and I had to wake up three of the four children.

I'll emphasis that a little more: we had to wake up children at 8am, Christmas Morning.

I know, it's like some sort of crazy alternative dimension.

By 9am, we were all sat and ready to go, and by 10am, all presents were open, cheered, shown-off and generally done. Kellie was a little pissed off as we had agreed not to do presents for one another this year. HOWEVER: I am a man and there is no way on this planet I am falling for THAT pitfall.

No sir, not this year, not next year, not ever.

To most people, you tell someone you got your better other half a massive beast of a photography printer/scanner/photocopier/fax and so on - and no matter HOW you sell it to another person, it never sounds right. None the less, that is what I got Kellie, a Kodak 6.1 Printer.

Yes yes, I know it sounds like the sort of gift a clueless geek gets someone, but this was actually something that Kellie wanted - however, we had agreed we'd get it together in the new year.

So: Sod. That.

After the scowls of "But-We-Were-Not-Doing-Presents" we started operation Clean The House. We had 50 minutes to get the house tidy, Jaysen & Tamsyn collected by their mum, the 0dd Mother In Law collecting us, packing bags, feeding cats, turning everything off and getting ready to go stay with the 0dd Mother In Law for a day and a half.

Surprisingly, we got everything done and dusted with time to spare.

See previous statement regarding an alternative dimension.

By midday we were off out and away to Canvey, and that is where we currently reside, sitting, chilling, eating WAY too much and having a jolly good time. Kellie, Diane, Dom and Molly are currently "SINGING" on SingStar, and I am pottering around on my phone, blogging, offering words of *cough*encouragement*cough* to those *cough*singing*cough*

Looking back on this past year, it's interesting to see where I started, where I am, and more importantly, how I got there - life is about the journey, not the destination or whatever...

The most obvious thing is my medical stuff, and while I am not any better (If anything, I think I'm worse) I like to think I am on the right path to getting better. I'm finally diagnosed, I'm finally getting help, and I hope and wish with all my heart that 2013 sees improvements both physically & mentally.

Kellie started the year in much the same predicament with her wonky/stressful Cardiac shenanigans, as well as her wonky/stressful Triglyceride shenanigans. However, like me, she is on the right track now and is being seen by both the Cardiac and now the Lipid clinic to get her fixed again.

Plans have not quite gone our way this year, but as there is very little we can do about it, we've drawn a line under it and are moving into 2013 with a positive outlook. More on that in the coming weeks no doubt. I DO need to rant and rave about it, but not yet.

The kids have all had great academic years, and aside from the boys having their own "blips" during the school year, they are both back on track and moving on. The girls on the other hand have had great years without any issue at all. I'm sure that will change as they get older, but fingers crossed they takes a while yet.

Next year - and I refuse point-blank to use the phrase "Resolution" because it's shite and if it goes wrong, it's like some sort of crappy failure... However, that said, next year, I am working on CHANGE. No no, not Obama-Change (No, don't go there America!) but actual change for me. Weight, Hair, Moods, Exercise, Visiting People & Places...

A lottery win wouldn't go amiss either.

Yes yes, people say this sort of stuff all the time, but I am really intending to do it. I NEED to lose weight, I NEED to get some sort of activity too - cycling or swimming. I'm even considering learning a language... The only drawback to this, is the fact that my brain cannot process new information very easily, so I'll have to get a book or audio-guide or something, see if I can do something over and over and eventually drill it into my brain.

But we shall see... As usual, watch this space, and I will slap out whatever I am doing at whatever point I am doing it.

All that remains to be said, is to you - my special little group of readers. Either those of you that come from Facebook, from Twitter, that subscribe to my RSS Feed, or actually visit the blog and read on the actual site... Thank you for reading, and here and there, where commenting. I write here for me - it's my little outlet in the world - but if even just one of you read and enjoy my ramblings, my rants or my tangents, then so much the better.

To readers old and new, friends that live yards away and friends that live scattered all the way across and around the world, thank you for reading, and here's to a very Merry Christmas. Peace on Earth, Good Will to all 0dd People!

Here's to 2013 being a bigger, better, and ESPECIALLY less... End-of-the-World-y...

-Dan

Yes, I'm 0dd... Get over it ;)

Transition

Officially, there are just 353 days remaining till the End of the World.

And I say "Officially" being that some other crackpots that aren't Harold Camping predicted the end of the world on 21st December of this year because... Well, because they say so, basically.

However. This is not that post about that subject.

This is the boring "What I Did For Christmas And New Year" post, kinda like what the kids do after summer holidays. To sum up, aside from being manically busy, we had a nice, quiet Christmas AND New Year at home.

The decorations went up the week before Christmas. Firstly, we didn't put them up sooner on account of Jaysen having his birthday on the 11th, and didn't want to smother his birthday with the birthday of some other bloke.

Secondly, there are three VERY good reasons why they didn't go up sooner. One and Two: Gimli & Galadriel. Those little shits of Cattens (They're not Cats yet, but they're not Kittens any more, thus: Cattens) would have devastated the jolly before Crimbo even arrived. The third reason is the chaos. Big tree, dangly sparkly things around the house, things stuck in windows and on doors...

Yes, you may call me a Humbug or a Grinch, but the chaos drives me insane. Blah blah blah, you're not changing my mind. Skipping ahead of the tale of woe, usually, I tear the decorations down on the 27th, but this year, I ALLOWED them to remain till the 2nd January. Mainly because I didn't have the energy to remove them, but I digress.

Christmas, the kids were at Jo's Xmas Eve, and were due back to us around midday Xmas Morning. Dom was at his Dads, which meant it was just us and Mo first thing on the 25th. Santa (FATHER CHRISTMAS! says Kellie) is good to the kids - he leaves a stocking FULL and OVERFLOWING with little gifts at the end of the kids beds for them to open when they get up, and the big pressies, he leaves downstairs. Being that I am a sleepaholic, I was awake when Molly threw herself out of bed and tore through her stocking gifts.

THAT, dear reader, was 4am.

However, rules are rules, and being that I am in fact a complete bastard, we decided Molly could wait till Jaysen & Tam were home before getting her presents.

Mwah-ha-haaaa...

So, Kellie didn't wake up till a little before 9am, Molly was running around waiting for us "patiently" so we had a shower, and went downstairs, where I showed Molly all her presents.  That she wasn't allowed to touch. For four hours.

Mwah-ha-haaaa!

Dinner, we decided, wasn't going to be turkey. Let's all be honest, it's dull, it's boring, it can be dry, and no one really likes turkey, otherwise, you'd have that sodding great freezer cabinet full of the sodding birds all year around. So, no turkey.

Duck and Lamb, however, are two of our favourites. They are also bones of contention for the 0dd Mother and the 0dd Sister. The first, well, she keeps pet ducks. They "talk" to her, lay her eggs, amuse her - they're part of the family. The thought of EATING duck, however, fills her with revulsion. So, she got photos and running commentary all morning while I prepared it.

The 0dd Sister, well, she used to love lamb. Until the day we sat eating it, and I described the sounds the poor little lamby was making as she cut into it and chewed on it. Whenever we see lambs in a field, I point to the one she's going to eat next, and so on. She too got a few photos and described sound effects.

With meat slowly cooking in the oven, your favourite blogger set to the veg. Spuds, Parsnips, Sprouts, Peas, Sweetcorn, I sorted the lot. And yes, I actually like sprouts. Once THEY were ready to go, I got the stuffings (plural) sorted, and the 50 pigs wrapped in their bacony blankets.

I was cooking on gas, literally and descriptively.

And then, with an hour to spare, Kellie and myself sat and had coffee. Pointing out the presents to Mo every time I thought of it.

Mwah-ha-haaaa!

When the Boogle and the Peanut were dropped off, they too were shown piles of presents, Mo was fit to burst and so we - no, we didn't sit and do presents, I had to get the meat out the oven and get the stuffing and pigs sorted, checked the meat over, made coffee, had a nibble on some snacky stuff...

OK OK, we let the kids have their presents close to 2pm. Everyone loves a bit of anticipation. Except kids. Kids that can see their presents. Kids that can see their presents AND not touch them.

Forty five minutes. That's how long it took for the kids to decimate their gifts, tear them open, decide which they loved and which were "just clothes" AND clear up the wrapping paper. Not too shabby.

From that point on, the day went perfectly. Dinner finished cooking and got eaten with only minimal leftovers. Christmas films were enjoyed. Kisses and cuddles were given AND received. Toys were played with.

However, the dark side of Christmas was the sheer busyness of it. Being that I was up and about doing stuff almost all day, by evening, I was dead. Properly knackered, could hardly move to stuff more food into my mouth (though that continued through the day and into the night). Painkillers weren't touching it either. Oops.

The rest of the week was a blur of people, visitors, meals, takeaways, buffets, over-eating, drinking and being merry. I'm not what you would consider a properly Christmassy person, but I had a brilliant week with Kellie and the kids. People came to us, we went to peoples. Slowly, the pile of gifts to hand out dwindled, and the pile of things to find new homes for increased.

New Years Eve we decided again to stay at home, the only exception was the 0dd Mother In Law was also present. She Who Irons Pillowcases is her Native American name. Tam was asking constantly "Is it new year yet?!" as we allowed the kids to stay up. Except, she was asking at 2pm onwards.

Once again, I took over the kitchen and laid out a massive buffet of far too much food for seven people. Those on Facebook would have seen the photos of TEN FEET of food spread across the kitchen counters. Oops. That night we DID have lots of leftovers!

Midnight came, champagne was popped, we all went out the front to shout to the neighbours, let off party poppers which decorated Bethys tree perfectly, the kids played with glosticks and made a cacophony of noise, and by 0015 we were back inside, finishing champagne, ushering kids to bed. The 0dd Mother in Law also headed to bed, and Kellie and myself sat watching a DVD for a while before we too headed up.

Two days later, the Christmas decorations were done. Rather, I was done with them. Everywhere I walked, I caught my melonous head on something. The cats were slowly pulling things off the tree. The ceiling decorations were duuuusty. The cards were in the way and I kept knocking them over. Enough was enough.

I am fairly sure when Kellie said "You can take them down if you want" I had already started doing so by the time she finished breathing. She had to pop to the shop and buy a card, and said I could make a start. Dear Reader, I don't "make a start" on anything, especially when it comes to taking down decorations. The kids paper-chains and the pretty ceiling decs were to be saved (allowed to attend next Christmas), and everything on the tree was to be kept too.

Twenty minutes. That's how long it took me to De-Christmas the entire house. In twenty minutes, I tore down the decorations to be discarded, took down AND put away the decorations to be kept, removed every bauble, trinket, thingie and fairy from the tree, remove the beads AND tinsel AND lights from the tree, dismantled AND folded the tree, and then untangle and put away the lights. Time was lost on the lights because somehow, they tangle themselves under the tree over two and a half weeks of sitting on the ground doing nothing, and trying to pick sticky-window-decorations off windows is a pain in the ass.

My reward for getting it virtually ALL done before Kellie got back from buying her card?

"Let's rearrange the living room"

Arse, and indeed, Burgers.

And that was that. Another Christmas, another New Year, been and gone and done with. I'll do a 2011 sum up post in a day or two no doubt, but I ended 2011 and started 2012 in the same way I want all my years to end and begin - with Kellie and the kids all present. Granted, I was also in a shit-ton of pain, but if I have to make a New Years Resolution, it's going to be to kick the shit out of this pain once and for all. Starting with the doctors appointment I have tomorrow.

Happy New Year to all my readers, new and old, boys and girls, locals or foreign-sorts or in fact convicts from down under. Here's to a grand 2012. Live it like it's the last year EVER!

Merry Xmas/Happy New Year!

Hmm, I wonder if my blog is the first blog to wish it's readers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, for 2011? 

Regardless, this is actually last Christmas.  We kinda sorta had a lovely time, but everything has been a bit, shall we say... Mental. Chaotic. Hectic.  With the best plan of "Let's move in together!" in full swing, we discovered that space was this really impressive thing, and something we actually had very very little of.  Being so busy, and having no space, meant we had zero Christmas decorations up.  No tinsel, no ceiling-dangly-things, no banners, not even a tree.  Firstly, the decorations were packed in that mystical place of "Somewhere" and secondly, there was no where to put anything.

Lucky for us, the kids were quite happy with this, and even more lucky, the 0dd sister Gemma stepped in, and invited us there for Christmas Day.  Result.  No cooking in the kitchen (which, I should add, was full of boxes!), no washing up, no clearing space for guests... Result.

The downside to all this, in the run up to Christmas, Kellie had a wicked-evil throat infection, that then turned into a full-blown cold, and I had ManFlu.  However, being the bravest of the brave, I soldiered on, shouldering the burden of germs.

I am such a trooper.

So, Christmas Day, the kids got up full of excitement and wondering what was downstairs, and we made them wait for us to get up... The we made them shower.  Then we made them wait for us to shower  Then we made them get dressed.  Then we made them wait for us to get dressed..  Considering they were up and charging around at 8am, we didn't go down till half ten!

Patience is a virture, remember ;)

So, after devastation that resembled a visit from the Tasmanian Devil, the kids faffed around for a couple of hours, before Jaysen & Tamsyn we collected and headed off to Jo's for the day, then Kellie, Myself, Dom & Molly were collected, and headed to Gemmas.

We had a great day, full of food, drink, more food, presents, more food, cold & flu medicine, more drink, a to-do with my nan, then more drink, more food, more cold & flu medicine, Xmas TV (which was shit) and some more food.  We got in, got the kids to bed, then we flopped into bed.  Along with more drink and more cold & flu medicine.

Boxing Day we also had plans.  First off, the future 0dd Mother In Law invited us over for lunch - so more food, more drink, more cold & flu medicine.  Molly then went to her dads, and the remaining three of us went home, and prepared for the evening, heading over to Kellies bosses house - Diane - for the evening there.

In a shock more, there was even MORE food, even MORE drink, and still we were eating cold & flu medicine. 

The rest of the week kind of blurred into a lump from this point on - not because of the drink or medicine, but that week between Christmas and New Year that seems sort of pointless.  However, the main reason for the blurring was a poorly Kellie.  By Boxing Day, I was feeling a bit better, while Kellie on the other hand, was feeling a bit more shit.  A LOT more shit.

With her bosses being unmentionables, all the staff had to work Bank Holidays for no extra pay.  Not to mention, 90% of the staff decided to call in "Ill" or just not show up at all.  Leaving Kellie and Diane to run the shop.  Monday, Kellie felt really poorly, Tuesday before work, she was sobbing about how ill she was - she was hot, she was hurting, and she was rough as a lump of splintered wood.  But had to go to work anyway.

She got in that night, and collapsed on the sofa.  And I do mean, literally, collapsed.  She kinda fell into it, and slid over.  She was shivering, but burning up and sweating like a marathon running.  I get on the phone to NHS Direct, and after going through all her symptoms - with Kellie trying to answer between passing out and a temperature of 103, they suggested the emergency doctor.

So I call Mr DoctorMan and go through it all with him, and he sounds - get this - concerned!  A CONCERNED doctor.  No, wait, there's more.  Jaws up, please.  He then CAME TO SEE HER.  At 11.30pm.  His professional opinion?  Very very nasty seasonal flu, or Swine Flu.

Great.

With a prescription for Tamiflu in my hand, I force feed Kellie meds to get her temperature down, and spend the next week looking after her.

She was a very poorly girlie, and to add insult to injury, just to see the new year out in true Chez 0ddness style - New Years Eve, she had to go to the doctor as she developed a nasty kidney infection and couldn't pee.  So, on the last day of the year, she was on Antivirals and Antibiotics!

We went to bed early new year night, laid in bed watching DVDs, paused them at midnight, said happy new year, then resumed the dvds.

2010 can quite happily get knotted, thank you very much ;)

Still, I am just thankful Kellie didn't end up with my ManFlu...  I don't think she'd have survived the experience.

Manic Much?!

To say these last couple of weeks have been a bit busy seems like a minor understatement.

The Christmas Holidays kicked off a day early thanks to Frozen Britain starting, causing traffic chaos, closed schools and everything else.  In reality - there was two inches of snow and some ice, so everything ground to a screeching - or skidding - halt.  It didn't help that Tam was poorly again too.

So, from there, we headed to Kellies (being that a day later the traffic chaos was gone) and pottered about there for a few days, before the kids went back to Jo.  This gave me and Kellie time to finish our Christmas Shopping which had been stalled thanks to three of our four kids having Swine Flu over the space of three weeks.

Yeah, we had loads to get.

We were finally done shopping at about Midday on Christmas Eve.  Oops.  Of course, planning skills of the GODS struck, and we'd arranged for my Mum & Nan, and Kellies Mum to come over for dinner.  While it went well and a good time was had by all, we didn't kick them out till gone 9pm...

And then started wrapping all the Xmas Presents we'd got over the previous few days.  It was a veritable nightmare...  We fell into bed at about 2am.

Christmas morning, Dom and Molly were up at the butt-crack of dawn with their stocking stuff and came running in to sit on the bed to open them up.  Once done there, we got up, sorted stuff out ready for Xmas Dinner, and once we were sorted, sat down so they could do their presents. 

Once they were done, they headed off to do their thing with their gifts, while we cleared up the bombsite of wrapping paper.

From there, we carried on getting all the vegetables ready, when Jaysen & Tam arrived.  So, stocking presents, clearing up, more presents, more clearing up - then all the kids ran about charging like wild things tearing the place around...

Kellie slaved like a slave in the kitchen, and to say "We had a massive dinner" was a bit of an understatement.  Stacks and stacks of food, and it was wonderful.

Somehow, we managed to stay awake while the kids charged about - till it got to the point that we glued them in bed and ended up falling into our bed.

Once again, the marvellous planning of the GODS struck, and Boxing Day saw MORE stuff going on.  Kerry and her three kids stormed around, and another massive amount of food was laid out.  Seven kids and three adults (plus Sally and Arwen!) running about till late in the night...  Of course, it was all great - and much Jack Daniels was had ;)

And this was just the first few days of the Christmas Holiday...  I'm knackered thinking about it!  More to come - when I get a minute!

Musical Monday #65 - Carol of the Bells

You may be forgiven for thinking I've lost my mind.  Yes, we're now almost halfway through January, and yes, this actually IS a Christmas song.

For what it's worth, there are 345 days till Christmas.

However, I am posting this with a good reason.  Over the Xmas season, I kept catching the tail-end of a trailer for a movie called The Spirit, and kept catching a piece of guitar work that made my ears perk up.

And then the advert was gone, dagnabbit.

With everything being so mad over the last few weeks, I've only NOW gotten around to pissing about on Google to find out what the bit of music was, and lo-and-behold, I found it.

To be fair, I've never heard of the band, but the song has about... oh, a billion version scattered about on the Intarwebs, so it was interesting trying to find the right one.  Go me ;)

August Burns Red - The Carol of the Bells

Ho Ho Ho!

OK, yes, I've been blogging on and off these last few weeks, but that doesn't stop me from stopping by to wave at all of you (well, prolly both of you by now!) that read 0ddness to wish you all a very very Merry Christmas!

Despite it having been on the calendar for at least the last couple of months, Crimbo seems to have crept up on me.  I've pretty much achieved nothing... Rather, I wouldn't have, were it not for Kellie.  She's been amazing and excellent all rolled into one - while I've been rubbish.

And before anyone asks, I DID get her a gift she will always remember... Sunday morning she woke up with my germs!

Uh Oh!

Let's hope I've not given her the ManFlu lurgy - Christmas Eve is going to be manic... In fact, it's been manic for the last ten days at least, and will continue to be like this until the New Year.  Hence the lack of posting ;)

I don't know what I'd have done without her!

Anyway, to one and all, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas - no matter what you celebrate, worship or anything else - and that you have a great time.

And a final thought for you...  If you take Santas catchphrase of "Ho Ho Ho" and add "Yo" in front of it, Santa suddenly becomes a pirate.

I'll Take An Education Please

Sometimes, I really have to worry about the state of what the schools have churned out, and then realise that the people I am staring at in... Shock, maybe?  Whatever it is, I look at these people and realise that even worse, they have been allowed to breed.

Allow me to paint a picture.  We all know what time of year it is.  Regardless of your belief system, religion, point of view, state of mind - we all KNOW what is looming just a couple of weeks from now.

So, standing in the school playground waiting for monsters to be released from their daily prison, and I notice one class is decorating.  The kids have obviously gone to great lengths, taking a letter each, and the teacher was currently hanging afore-mentioned letters in the window.  However, it was clearly being done in a "First Done, First Hung" routine and not in order.

As such, the window currently displayed the following:

M  RR     CHR  S  MA

FROM CLASS 4

OK, a little cryptic maybe - for about four nanoseconds.  Now, imagine a real full-class chav standing there, knuckles on the floor staring mouth open at the window, brow furrowed.  "'Ere luv, wots that say?!" he says, pointing a meaty hook at the window.  "Luv" is a full-blooded professional chav with the same forehead, knuckles dragging, designer tracksuit, dripping in gold.  Her brow furrows too.

I'd bet one testicle her name was Sharon.  Or Shaz.

She nudges a friend.  She squints.  She kicks a friend.  She squints.

SEVEN of them now stand there, grunting and snuffling, itching their heads and trying to work it out.  Phrases like "They've spelt MR wrong, it's only got one R" and "The second word is Charisma" made me want to remove them from the gene pool that very instant...

Proof that it was already too late to clean the gene pool came in the form of one of their offspring from the class at the other end of the playground, the five year olds.  With her big blue eyes and brilliant blonde hair, she pointed at the window and said "Merry Christmas from Class 4!"

And the Neanderthals let out a collective "Oooooooh...."

I swear, all I could think of was this...




Only with less in the way of realising potential and discovery...

Oh My..

OK, it's May. Apologies for the quality of the photo but when grabbing the phone to take a picture I didn't realise the flash was on...

Xmas?!

I seriously hope they just need to change the shopping trolley ads, and aren't starting just yet ;)

...And A Happy New Year

So, without too much hassle *cough*lies*cough* Christmas is over. Done and Dusted. El Finito. Felt like it was forever in coming (almost a year in fact!), lingered for ages and then finally, it's gone.

Now, the final hurdle of the season is New Years Eve. The year is over, hooray yay etc etc. And for a change, we're off to a fancy dress party. But, me being me, I'm not a partier. No doubt once I am there I will be fine, but the threat of being surrounded by people and having to be social... I don't know. Jo is a partier, and no doubt she will be burning up the dance floor, having laughs and fun, while I reacquaint myself with my good friends One Warm Beer and Mr Corner.

But anyway.

Unlike the rest of the world, I won't be making Top Ten Lists of anything. Best movies of the year, best song of the year (or even, All Time Best *anything*). Strangely and mostly, I don't think I can think of ten of the best movies, songs, TV Shows or anything else. I contemplated ten best blog posts, but most of my blog posts are me whining and moaning about something!

Can you tell I'm tired this morning ;)

Anyways, with everything still poodling along here, kids still hyper and mental, I'm not sure I will be posting before next year (hehe), so will take this opportunity to wish all my readers, regulars and newcomers alike, a very happy new year. Here's to 2008 being slightly less....

What's the word I want here.... Ah yes,

Shit ;)

And New Year Resolutions? I fully intend to become a lot less........ FAT.

So This Is Christmas...

After two days of trying to borrow the neighbours wobbly wireless connections, Grant announces that his internet hub is wireless. So finally I have a decent - and legal - connection here on the laptop.

Anyways - today is Boxing Day over here, which means the crazy usually subsides. But, of course, this is MY life, so the crazy just carries on at a different pitch. The highlight really has to be the sore tingling nose I noticed on Christmas Eve. Twenty four hours later - I have a stinking cold. Or, of course, waking up at 4am Christmas morning thinking "Hmmm my foot is sore" then nearly collapsing on Jaysen when I try to stand on it.

No idea WHAT I've done to it, but it is freaking agony. I am hobbling around like Jo was a few weeks ago. I wouldn't mind, but it happened at night while I was doing nothing. I think Santa decided I was naughty and got out his hammer...

Anyways, all is going relatively well here, with just two family disagreements so far, neither involving me or Jo, so it's all good. Kids are behaving one minute, then getting to that "going mental" point, so they get told off, come back down a few notches, then slowly start to build up again.

And on a final note - Christmas Eve, I sucked it up and went up to Bethy's Garden to wish her a Merry Christmas. My goodness it was difficult, but I did it. I had to just stand and look down on her garden, and Jo looked after me, but I bloody did it. Aside from the funeral, it was the second time I've been up there, but I think it is the last hurdle I need to really deal with. All I ask is if you make a comment on this post, ignore this part - I don't want to wallow or anything. I went, I cried, I've dealt. That's enough for now!

So, today, aside from being a day of lounging around with "uuurgh I ate too much yesterday... Pass me a beer" we're off to my mums after lunch and her pack of wild animals - which I am hoping, the kids play with and not the crystal/china/electronic stuff all over the place ;) Change of plan. Because I am soooo poorly, we're not risking my trip to my mums. My grandmother is due an important Oncology appointment soon, and the last thing she needs is my germs. So, because I am getting *cough* no sympathy from anyone being sooooo poorly, I am going to drink lots of Jack Daniels today.

I hope you are all having a great Christmas, even the poor Americans that don't have Boxing Day. Serves you right for kicking us out all those years ago ;) Your loss!

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

Being that life here in Chez 0ddness is something akin to an SAS Operation over the last couple of days (with no Sunday Morning hangover, I should add), I suspect my internet access today and tomorrow will be spotty, to say the least. Later today we're off to the in-laws as today is one birthday.

We're staying over tonight, Xmas Day chaos, staying over, Boxing Day Chaos, then my mums in the afternoon, then back to the in-laws, home on the 27th, then Friday we're likely going to my dads, quiet weekend coupled with Jo's mums birthday, then New Year kicks in, complete with Jo's brothers birthday on New Years Eve AND a fancy dress party we're going to... Then Jaysen is back to school on the 3rd.

It's never ending, I swear it.

So, I'll take this chance to wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas and if I don't get a chance before hand, a wonderful Happy New Year 2008.

For those of you that have been reading the blog a while, thanks for hanging around and supporting me. For those of you new to the blog, thanks for coming over and reading.

2008 may have a couple of new additions to the blog, but we'll see about that ;)

Have a good time all, eat, drink, be merry and especially, be safe.

-Dan, Jo, Jaysen & Tamsyn

Tagged: Christmas Stuff!

Greetings from Early December! I'm actually writing this before Christmas, because it was just SO tacky to do any time EXCEPT the day ya'll are seeing this. The weekend before Christmas, if I've done it right ;)

Which would make a change!

I'd seen and done a couple of the Christmas Blogthings knocking around but refused to put them on my blog until the last minute because I'm not a tacky kinda guy. No siree. He says being lazy doing tacky stuff before Crimbo to get it done at Crimbo.

Anyways, you can do these if you have the time too - I tag you. And you. And you too ;)

Merry Christmas!

You Are a Traditional Christmas Tree

For a good Christmas, you don't have to re-invent the wheel. You already have traditions, foods, and special things you bring out every year.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

You Are a Fruitcake

People pretend you're sweet and precious, but they know how weird you really are!

What Holiday Food Are You?

Your Holiday Stress Level is Moderate

The holidays sometimes stress you out, but mostly because they wear you down. Take it easy! You can have a fun holiday without running yourself ragged.

What's Your Holiday Stress Level?

You Know a Lot About Christmas

You got 10/10 correct You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: In early England, the traditional Christmas dinner was a pig's head prepared with mustard.

How Much Do You Know About Christmas?

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love. You celebrate the holidays in a offbeat style. You believe the holidays are for doing whatever you feel like - and some of your "traditions" are pretty wacky. During the holidays, you like to feel cozy and comfortable. You're happy to stay inside with a roaring fire and a warm drink. You think the holidays should be nostalgic and sweet. The holidays bring out your inner child. Your best holiday memories are warm and intimate. You remember special moments more than gifts or parties.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

Nope, You're Not a Grinch

Although you may feel Grinch-like at times, it's just because you're worn out from the holidays. You get into the holiday spirit more than most people - and you truly enjoy celebrating with your family and friends.

Are You a Grinch?

You Are a Practical Gift Giver

Your gifts are useful, appropriate, and custom tailored to each person. In your opinion, the best gifts are gifts that someone will actually use. Your gifts may not be the most glamourous, but they are always appreciated.

What Kind of Gift Giver Are You?

You Are Donner

The most loveable and sweet reindeer, you're also a total dork! Why You're Naughty: You keep (accidentally) tripping the other reindeer while flying. Why You're Nice: You're always smiling, even if you've fallen flat on your horns.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: Home Alone

At Christmas, you usually feel like you're going it alone. But you always have a crazy adventure!

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Coal

You haven't been *that* naughty this year Santa is just screwing with you

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

You Are a Snowman

Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

You Are Eggnog

Rich, sweet, and probably a little drunk. Everyone who knows you tends to get a little fatter.

What Holiday Food Are You?

You Were Mostly Nice This Year!

Sure, you had your naughty moments... but guess what? Santa was probably sleeping when you were living it up. As far as he's concerned, you've been on your best behavior. So cross your fingers, and you might score good presents.

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

Boys Time!

With Christmas coming up faster than an alcoholics stomach contents, Jo has poodled off into the great wilds of England to beat the leaving hell out of people. Tam has been stolen by the mother in law, leaving me and Jaysen with the heating on, music up, jeans off.

Yes folks, it's boys weekend in once again.

Dinner will be a case of seven minutes of slaving at the microwave for each of us, fizzy drinks, booze and tea (for me) and whatever fluids are running around for the boy. Healthy snacks will include "Crisps" and "Chocolate" and maybe the dairy group representing with "Ice Cream". Jo left a large bar of Cadburys here which, I'm afraid, is being confiscated and closely examined for foreign bodies (in case she's been knocking off immigrants).

I might even manage a shower this week...

In other news, I found a site of "free stuff" which provided me with hours of pleasure. Samples of mundane stuff - soap, washing powder, make up, deodrant - to the interesting stuff - incontinence pads, colostomy bags, thermometers for elderly people... So I had great fun filling out the form with other peoples names and addresses.

Jo was rather pleased with her very own Paternity Testing Kit... At least she didn't try to stab me with it. Lucky for me, I was under the desk "untangling wires" so was safe from the worst of the fall out.

Anyways, Jo has gone, leaving me to it, while I brave the forces of the central heating, she's braving freezing fog, frost, ice, sleet, wind and rain... How DO I manage to get out of such "fun"...

Tagged - Christmassy Goodness!

Even though I tend to do tags when I am hit with them, every now and then I steal tags from other people. This time around, it's not only seasonal, but stolen from the very lovely Luna. Remember, she's an adult blogger, so bear that in mind when you clickity click that linkity link :D

As always, once you've read through it, I tag you to do it. Whoever you are. By mail or on your blog or whatever. You know the drill. Read. Obey. Complete. Pass the tag on.1

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Helloooo: man... Gift Bags!
Actually, I am the worlds most anally retentive wrapped, which is why I also opt for bags.

2. Real tree or artificial?
Artificial, mainly because of the mess real ones make (regardless of your cunning methods!)

3. When do you put up the tree?
Sometimes the first of December, sometimes after Jaysens birthday (today, the 11th)

4. When do you take the tree down?
Usually pissed off with the decorations and tree by Xmas Day, so the 26th/27th December!

5. Do you like eggnog?
I'm fairly sure I've never actually had it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Anything construction-based, especially the electronic lab toys I used to get!

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Can you honestly picture me, king of the agnostics, setting that up?
"So which shephard was playing with the sheep dear?"

8. Hardest person to buy for?
Jo - because I buy her nice stuff all year around. Plus she has me which should be enough.

9. Easiest person to buy for?
Neighbours - one tin of chocs, thank you very much!

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Everything pales in comparison to Jo's "Dead kitten on a miniature wicker chair"

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Erm, when I remember, mail.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
Mary Poppins, or any of the Ray Harryhausen movies that appear around Xmas!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
When we A) have the money, and B) remember that Xmas is in a week ;)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Only the bottles from the alcoholic ones ;)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Food!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Clear Lights

17. Favorite Christmas song?
The South Park Christmas song is currently my favorite!

18. Travel for Christmas or stay home?
Depends - we usually stay with Jo's parents, but I tend to like Xmas at home...

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Rudolph... er.. Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Groucho, Harpo...

20. Angel on the treetop or a star?
Fairy

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Crack of dawn, in an explosion of wrapping paper. Jo, after LUNCH. The travesty...

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
The fricking weather :D

23. What I love most about Christmas?
Seeing the look of joy on the kids faces.
And the look of despair when Jo realises she's completed another year with me!

Where'd The Week Go?

I'm not entierly sure where the last week has gone. I DO know that is has dragged something awful, and the weekend could not arrive soon enough. And while it's been chaos and hectic, I'm not sure what has gone on.

Guess it's the whole "Christmas is Looming" thing.

In fact, out of the whole week, only three "occurances" spring to mind; a bitch of a migraine Friday daytime (and sleeping pretty much all afternoon), getting a bit tipsy Friday night (and staying up till 6am gassing), and being invited to become a guest author at the site About:Blank that I visit most days.

The migraine - nothing to report. I started to make itself known around 11am Friday morning, and by 1pm, I was out on the sofa wanting someone to just remove my head and flush it away. Aside from an interlude of inviting Jaysen in (worlds noisiest child), it was gone by about 7pm, leaving just that dull "I've had a cramp in my brain" ache.

Later that evening, someone turns up, and we all sit together having a laugh, getting drunk and talking the night away. One person flaked around 1am, the next one flaked at 3am, leaving me bored and wide awake. So another drunk a million miles away in some dodgy town in Bedford kept me company. Until I fell asleep mid-conversation at almost 6am. Oopsie.

No, amazingly, it wasn't the booze. I had Jack Daniels, Beer, WKD Blue, even Absinthe, but I was fine. I was, however, very very tired, even though I got up a few hours later at 11am. And no, I didn't have a hang over. I wonder if my migraine meds helped fight it off.... Hmmmm...

And yes, me. Guest Author on a proper webpage. I've been visiting About:Blank for a good while now, and occasionally even post stuff I find there on here. I submitted a link during the week, and the site owner replied, has been here before and apparently I post some "great stuff on my site"

Me? On this site? hehe So here I am, wondering what I could post on a site with half a million visitors, knowing that whatever I post will be seen by a lot of people. More's the point, aside from you lot here, who on earth would both read AND enjoy what I write? Would my very presence be the iceberg to the good ship about:blank?

This is why I don't act - I get up on the stage, the spotlight hits me, and I babble before either passing out of taking off like a greyhound after a fake bunny.

So, anyway, while I consider that - tomorrow is Jaysens 9th birthday. That's scary (in that I've not murdered him before now) and makes me feel older than I am. And by the weekend, we should (all things being "normal") have our Xmas Decorations up. We need a new tree as our last one was destroyed by the joint brute-force attacks of kittens, toddler, kids wanting chocolate, gravity, and a large fat guy sick of Xmas almost bending it trying to get it down last year.

Oops.

So, new tree, new decorations... We shall see.

Bane Of My Life

Like any half-decent Superhero, I have my weakness, my bane, my Achilles Heel. Superman goes all squiffy with Kryptonite. Batman is only a normal person. Spiderman has his whole "Unstable Mutation". The Hulk can't control himself. Daredevil is blind. The Flash has a stupidly-high metabolism. Sportacus is weakened by sugar... Added to this, each Superhero has a arch enemy... Lex Luthor, The Joker, The Kingpin, The US Army, Bullseye, Gorilla Grodd, Robbie Rotten.

Anyway, while proving me and Jo are in fact Big Fat Nerds, I do have a point. And that point is that the bane of my life is the Mobility Scooter, and my arch enemy is "Anyone Old".

So today, we decided we needed to go shopping, and upon arrival in Asda, Jo decides how she is going to shop...


Yes, that is Jo - and Tam - in a mobility scooter. And she also falls into the "Anyone Old" category. So I spent the better part of the morning hobbling around after her while we shopped and filled the basket. Amazingly she didn't kill anyone, though Tam did figure how to work the controls and zoom around randomly. I, however, did get "accidentally struck" a few times.

So, not only was I shopping (*shudder*), not only was every old fart and their partner shopping in their mobility scooters, but I was also dealing with all the Xmas crap everywhere. HOW I didn't murder anyone is beyond me.

I also managed to catch a movie of The Ramming Wonder "zooming" around, and get to play with the Video feature of Blogger ;)

Anyone else spot the irony that there's a pensioner blocking the way and Jo is in the scooter - but unlike "Old Fart in the Scooter" Jo refrained from running her out of the way.

Another Edit: For the perverts of you out there, watch the woman to the far-right bend down to pick up something: Thong Alert!! hehe

The Christmas Getaway

As much as I loved Christmas this year, thank all that is yellow and pointy that it's over with for another year. Give or take two days ;) Christmas morning, as mentioned, everyone slept in late - aside from me, that is - but once the smell of cooking turkey kicked them out of bed, things went from peace and quiet to paper-hell-on-earth. Presents were ripped open, there was much in the way of "ooh" "ahh" and "huh?" but otherwise, the kids got everything they wanted.

Once the bombsite was cleared up, it was an SAS Military operation to get kids, woman, dogs, cats, bags, suitcases and everything else sorted, ready and clean. Ish. It occured to me that with less than an hour to go, *I* had forgotten to shave and shower. Oops. So I got ready with minutes to spare, and we were whisked off to Jo's parents.

Everything was great. Me and Jo did most of the cooking, with her mum poking in every now and then. The two oldies sat and complained a fair amount, but meh. Jo's dad was up and down too, cheery one minute, grouchy-as-heck the next, but again, meh. Me and Jo had a nice time away, and the kids had a blast - both of which were spoilt rotten. Christmas Day was filled with food, laughs, gifts and much in the way of booze.

Boxing Day (that's the day after Christmas Day for you odd non-Boxing-Day-sorts) was much of the same, though with less gifts, more booze, lots of laughs, games, grouchy oldies, and people being generally unhelpful when me, Jo and Fran trying to clear up.

This morning - as much fun as we'd had - we wanted to head home. As much as we love staying there, we have our limits, and after a great couple of days, we came in, unpacked, fired up the heating, and vegged out.

Despite a couple of tearing instances, me and Jo had a really good Christmas. We had a few quiet moments together, away from everyone, talking about Bethy, and imagining her having an excellent christmas up there, but generally, we were fine. Of course, last year was similar - our first without her - but it was New Years Eve that was harder, so we'll see how it goes next weekend.

All that remains for me to point out, is that if you are drinking lots of vodka/peach schnapps in pure fruit juice, remember what lots of fruit juice does BEFORE drinking huge quantities.

Thank goodness for soft tissue paper......

Merry Christmas!!

Hey Everyone!

Just thought I'd take this moment (aka, Calm Before The Storm) to wish all you of - my online family - a very Merry Christmas, and here's to a decent 2007!

Living the oh-so-hard-life that I lead, Jaysen didn't get up till 8.45am, and Tam & Jo have only just dragged themselves from the bed at 9.30am! The turkey is on, the pressies are laid out, and Santa, the messy git, made footprints throughout the house and left crumbs on the table. I think we'll have words next year...

Hope you all have an excellent few days of food/drink/friend/drink/family/drink/food/food/drink.

Thank you all of you that have been there over this year (and, of course, all the previous years!), helping us through everything and generally being there to read my rants, either here or via my emails. It means a lot to us that people we've never met are willing to give us help and advice and bear with my ramblings! So thanks to all of you!

With thanks, christmas greetings, and a hope that everyone has a great day, no matter where they are or what they are doing, Thank You, and let the good times roll!

(PS, Tim, hope you had a great Xmas Day, being that you lot are probably winding down today! hehe Crazy upside-down people!)

Santa Clause Is Coming...

Well, unless that image is correct and he's fallen out his sleigh ;) Anyways,, as they have been doing for the last few years, NORAD (North American Aerospace Defence Command) track Santa around the globe with their international tracking doo-wotsits. Using this site you can track Santas progress around the world - at writing, he's already hit a couple of places, and it's far from New Zealand, where Xmas Day starts very soon.

If you've got kids old enough to appreciate it, let them have a lookie-see. During the day, they upload videos "captured live" of Santa sightings across the globe. Modern technology bringing the Christmas feeling a little closer to home for the wee ones.

We're plunging headlong into the planned chaos - my Dad and his family are due fairly soon (which means I REALLY need to get dressed!), Change of Plan - Dan & Co had to cancel. Later this afternoon, Jo's parents are over for dinner as it's her Dads birthday today. Kids will be put to bed, then tomorrow morning we do the gift things, followed by going to her parents where we're cooking dinner for nine. Drinking, eating, playing games, we're staying of Christmas Night and probably most if not all of Boxing Day.

Nancy, we don't really "celebrate" Boxing Day - it's a day to recover from food and drink mostly, but also a time to see family.

Wednesday and Thursday we have people over during the days, not sure about Friday, but New Year weekend... Well, not a clue really. It's all Go Go Go! I'll update the bloggy as and when I get a chance, maybe complete with some drunken posting tomorrow night for laughs. I'll have my mobile phone with me, so if you want texting, just give me a shout!

Here's to an excellent Christmas for all of you, and a very happy new year. Assuming I make it that far ;)