Empty Bottles & Cans

Once again, I spent the weekend away with Kellie.  Yes, I am spending an obscene amount of time with her, but at the risk of inducing vomiting amongst my readership, we love being together, and are not stomping on any toes, so we're having as much fun as we can get.

Got over there Friday after having a nervous breakdown about being late... Not that I was "due" at any particular time, but as we had to go out (as a couple!) that night, I was all flapping and stuff.  Still, arrived with plenty of time, sorted out an over-night bag from my weekend-bag and headed out - armed with booze.

Being that I am ever so good with names, I was dropped into a room of people.  Obviously, Kellie and Me... Her best friend Kerry, her fella Paul, her brother Kevin, his missus Kelly, and their friends Haley and her fella Mark.  And kids.  Seven, I think...  No, eight.  Well, none of mine, so there could have been fifty.

And we did the drinky drinky drinky till the wee small hours.  Glasses were smashed, drinks were spilled in torrents, nibbles were consumed, Chinese food was ordered (and subsequently scoffed)...  The Beer Fog started to settle...

Half the adults, and their respective spawn left, while the other half stayed.  We ended up crashing on the living room floor, and didn't wake till the ripe time of 7am.  Hangover free, I should add.

Me and Kellie set to clearing up the kitchen while the house slept, me fine, her... Well, not at her best.  Like I say - I didn't have a hangover ;)

Kerry and Paul emerged nearer 10am, Paul fine, Kerry in the same state as Kellie.  So they were indeed mocked.  And forced to cook breakfast.

Which, as it would happen, would provide me with hours of chuckles.  See, getting two drunk, hungover girlies to cook is actually a BAD idea in the grand scheme of things.  Sausages: Burnt.  Bacon: Burnt.  Mushrooms: Cooked to perfection (amazingly). Scrambled Eggs: Burnt, Still moving, moist and a very strange colour.

And texture.  The eggs had a whole new texture.  And flavour.

I'm not sure how, but the other three adults managed to fob off food on the unsuspecting kids, while me... I ate all mine.  I have a cast iron gut ;)

The breakfast really really deserves it's own entry... "Legendary" would be one word to use.

Another highly amusing aspect to boozing with a group of people you don't know - I can ALWAYS find the geek in the crowd... I heard the words "World of Warcraft" and the ocean of people parted - Kevin, Kellies best friends brother - is a WoW player, and we spent much time that evening talking about it.  Much to the chargrin of the normal non-WoW players.

So, despite taking the piss out of her Best Friend, we get on quite well (which is points to me), and Kevin told Kellie I'm great and get two thumbs up from him too!  Did I mention that Kerrys family is like Kellies second family, so I need approval from them as well!

I bribed Kerry with vodka, so that helped ;)

The rest of Saturday was spent with the older kids at football, followed by a jaunt back to Kellies with all the bags - lighter, now emptied of booze - and had a quiet afternoon together, followed by a curry.  Yep, I'm a lardy - but it was mostly veg ;)  AND no booze ;)

Sunday started lazy.  Kellie tried flexing her girlie muscles, and ended up with very tickled feet.  Which she hates.  Once up, I tackled her garden for her... Which again, really deserves it's own post.  Suffice to say, I shall never hardly moan about Ruths garden from now on.  At least her garden is just grass.  Kellies garden had everything...

And I got a big fast blister for my troubles.  Which she put chemicals on.  Which burnt.  Ow.

Sunday was going perfectly - we got to the bus stop at half four, ready for my 4.50pm bus.  And we waited.  And waited...  Now, if you want to be in my good books and say "I will be there at, say, 4.50pm" then you better damn well be there no later than 4.50pm.  A few minutes early I can handle.  4.55 and I will start getting stroppy.

So at 5.15pm, Kellie called her mum and arranged me to go home when she went past.  As you can imagine, your normally very-placid author was, at this time, ten feet tall, green, ripped clothes...  I will write them a very nice letter tomorrow no doubt.

But every cloud - I got another 45 mins with Kellie.

And finally, after collecting the boy, having a drink with Jo and Steve, walking home, got the boy showered and bedded... Now I am flopped.  Aching, sore blister (owie!), tired, missing Kellie...

Who, no doubt, will come along and attempt to save her character, but to be honest, I think I may have already ruined that just by her associating with me...

The only down part, aside from not seeing Kellie till Tuesday, is that I had a lot of questions about Bethy this weekend.  Now, I have no issue at all talking about her, and will always tell people I have three kids, one of which isn't here any more.  I think it was more having to talk to people that have no idea about her, what happened, the why's and where-fores.  I was fine, but when I finally got in and sat, the first song my computer decided to play was her song...




As I say, the hardest part was the fact that all my friends, most of my family, and those that know me, they know as much as they can what happened, what she went through... But now I am meeting new people and talking about ME, Bethy enters the conversation that don't know, don't understand and don't realise how unlucky they are for not meeting her. I'm OK now though, had a sad moment so did the stupid taggy thing in a crappy frame of mind, but still.

Anyway, I am fine and dandy once more - counting the days till Tuesday when, incidently, I have a man coming to look at my fence.  Or lack thereof.  I sent them a letter that rattled them into action ;)

So nighty night!

Edit: I forgot to add, the ULTIMATE part of the breakfast was the Tea and Coffee... But that's because it WAS perfect, as I made it!

Big Fat Congrats

I don't care if you don't read her blog.  I don't care if you have no idea who I am talking about, but none the less...

Laney, over at My Crazy Family, has just announced the fact she's been knocked up.  AGAIN.  This baby will be Child #4 at her house.

So all of you, waddle on over to her blog and send her your congrats.  Because once she starts getting massive, I will be heckling her in person and taking the piss out of her waddle.  I'm nice like that, really.

Congrats Laney and Mr Laney.  Hope you have a nice boring pregnancy.  With twins.  Twins are cool.  Big fat twins.

With big heads.

Logo A-Go-Go

As is probably apparent to everyone visiting here - not your dirty RSS-Readers tho - but I have a logo.  An new logo.  A proper logo for my blog finally!

As the little post icon here probably suggests, it was made by a rather strange girl that lives in some coal-mining village up norf somewhere.  She stay home on the computer all day because she suffers, like the rest of her community, with Black Lung and other mining-related ailments.

And, out of the kindness of her heart, she made me a logo!  Huzzah!

She's one of the girls that was at my weekend at the Posh Palace back in May, that spent the best part of the evening completely bemused and amused by plastic beer cups.  Clearly, the technology known as "Plastic" has yet to make it's way to the norf.  She's a blogger, but obviously using a stolen laptop with a mobile broadband connection...  You can visit her (new) blog through this link.

Little does she know, I think I will start collecting logos for my blog and have them alternate around and change for a bit of variety :)  900x204 are the banner dimensions, FYI ;)

If you want to make a logo - and I mean a semi-decent one, not someone having a laugh in Paint and scrawling "0ddness" then chuck it on over and I will A) use it, B) link to you, and C) take the piss out of you!

So, to Miss Lynzi, thank you :D  I'd buy you a pint o' bitter, but your whippet will prolly have me.

Demonic Creature

The more astute of you out there will recall a post I slapped up a while back, involving the most satanic of critters.

Now, as luck would have it, one of the demonic beasts has been re-homed already. However, the other one is still sad and lonely. Now, my suggestions of having it blended into a health shake, or made into a large sausage skin have fallen on deaf ears, so apparently the creature must be rehomed, and alive.

Now again, I have NO idea what or how much they want for this thing, but they have sent over *shudder* pictures.




Blergh. Anyway, I believe this is what I referred to as "Snake #2" before, 10ft Albino Burmese Python, with a tank but no stand. At least, I assume as much.

If you're interested, want to know more, or generally want such a horrific critter, then you can contact Den. I have no idea about the gory details.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to dry the clamminess from my hands and have a glass of water before I'm sick.

A Wee Bit Owie

If I didn't know better, I would say that last night, I was set upon by a wild, rabid donkey. Now to be fair, I was very busy yesterday - the fact I had very little in the way of rest was, in hindsight, a Bad Thing.

When we got in last night, I popped some meds and sat on the sofa with the laptop, but could not get nor stay comfortable. I then had to force myself to stay awake so I could take some more meds later on. Last night, I didn't so much sleep, as was medicated out. My bed this morning was pretty much as it was when I went to sleep, which shows I stayed in the same place, in the same position all night.

Ruth had to ring to wake me up this morning too, twice, as I was A) Doped up still, and B) Owie and didn't want to move.

None the less, I've forced myself up, up and away, and have eaten some cereal in an effort to wake up some more. I was going to shower, but can't actually get my leg up into the bath - so that can wait till a little later. The Ruth has offered to take The Boy in to school (Hmmm, who is still in bed, I note with a huff), but I'm going to get dressed and get out.

On the bright side, after Kellie and her kids stayed over during the week last week, me and Jaysen are off to hers tonight after school, only to come back tomorrow morning in order to get The Boy to school Wednesday. It's not too hard really - just means getting up a little earlier and getting a bus for half seven/eight in the morning.

I get to see Kellie, so I don't care ;)

And on a final note - if this fricking cat keeps meowing over and over outside the window, I will skin him, dip him in vinegar, lightly salt him, and throw him to the Very Big Dog a few doors down.

Infanticide

Jaysen is currently wandering around the house, getting changed...

Whistling "Jingle Bells"

Someone stop me before it's too late ;)

In other news - haven't bloody stopped today - it's half three, I'm now sitting down eating a bowl of breakfast cereal I started this morning at 7am. Today I have showered, school-runned, mowed a lawn, strimmed the edges, attacked brambles with a saw, backed up an old computer, installed a new computer, added all the stuff needed to a new computer, school-runned...

And now the boy is getting changed to go to a party this afternoon, with me, while I help where I can... Then get Sally from Cel, head home, shower the boy, shower the Me, put the boy to bed and... Finally...

Relax.

Yeah, I'm completely knackered, I'm in all sorts of pain, I managed to slash my arms on one large bit of bramble, hit myself in the leg with the saw, and managed - somehow - to catch myself in the leg with the strimmer... I look like I've been wrestling with bears.

And now. I just poured my breakfast over me. Marvellous...

Musical Monday #44 - Wake Up Boo

A song from my mis-spent youth! After chatting with an old friend on Facebook he reminded me of this song. Back in the Day Dave (aka Pogo), Jay, Gemma and Me used to trundle down into Kent to go Live Roleplaying. And we usually crashed in my mums lounge so we could get an early start.

And every weekend, this was the first song we put on while getting our crap together at the arse-crack of dawn! The Boo Radleys - Wake Up Boo is just a good summer song that reminds me of good times, when, between us, we made less than £100 a week training to be accountants, but still managed to hang out and have a good time.


Hurrah for youth! In an effort to see what the old crowd is doing, I'm actually trying to arrange (thanks to the Almighty Being that is Facebook!) a day we can all get back together, somewhere warm, barbecue, chilling out and having a laugh...

And lastly, before I pass out through exhaustion... My new ringtone is perhaps the best, loudest, hardest-to-ignore ringtone in the known universe...


Obviously, I don't have the stupid owl thing, just the sound - this was the first video on the list... So when you phone me, remember, if I am asleep, I will probably kill you. Dead. Hard. And then some more dead.

Germwatch 2008

I am so done with being ill now it's not even funny. When the docs first said I "likely" suffered from Chronic Fatigue/M.E, it was pointed out I will get all the germs doing the rounds, and they would linger.

Docs get something right - shock horror.

I wouldn't mind, but the old wives tale of sharing a cold to get over a cold should be WELL in affect by now. I've shared it with Ruth and her youngest, Mand and Jack, Jaysen has it, Tam might have it, I had given it to Kellie (but she's the one that gave it back!)... Lane was here yesterday so no doubt she'll be whining at me in the next week about how I made her poorly. Jo and Steve were here yesterday too collecting some stuff while I "helped", so they will probably be all germed up soon enough.

Of course, with Jaysen having it (And he is SO still going to school!), that means he'll infect his class, and eventually, bring back the third generation of mutation to infect me all over again.

People keep making really great suggestions. Starve a fever, feed a cold. Yes, because I am sure that helps. Eat fruit and veg. I have pure juice every day, usually have a couple of bits of fruit, and generally have veg with my dinner. Multivitamins to bolster the immune system. Do that too.

I am just a sickly person it would seem.

Mostly it's my head and throat that are affected. Blocked sinuses, headaches, sore throat and a bloody cough I cannot shake. Oh, and green goo. You all love hearing about the green goo. On top of this, I am drained physically and struggling to sleep properly.

Everyone loves the germs. Maybe I should share more.

*coughs at the screen*

Oopsie Daisy

You may have noticed that there are two Musical Monday posts today. Two! And more's the point, they are both numbered the same to boot. Oopsie Daisy indeed.

Luckily I can explain. Firstly, I'm a plank, but we knew this. Secondly, the Who song I posted on Thursday morning while I was doing house work. I set it to post on Monday. However, I had forgotten I'd done it. The Ting Tings song I posted last night at about half nine while I was half asleep chucking photos over to Mand to put on the Interwebs.

Aside from that, I woke up this morning with a three year old toddler snuggled up against me stealing my bed space. I feel worse this morning than I did yesterday. Thankfully, it's germ-related and nothing to do with booze. Where I've been so busy over the weekend I've not let the germs take a hold, but getting in last night and just flopping down, the germ invasion took over.

I'm still all croaky and bunged up, but now I've upgraded to "coughing green stuff" which is always nice. It's Manly though, so it's all good.

Not got a clue what's happening today - school run, back to Ruths for coffee, pop a few doors down and get Sally back from Cel. The house is clean and tidy being that I worked so hard on it, so that's good. I can get in later with Tam, put on Playhouse Disney and then just veg out.

Blergh I feel rough!

The Posh Palace

Having finally returned to the degenerated town of Basildon, I am had my feet up for a little bit, kids are put to bed and I've stolen some milkshake. My nerves are now settled enough to discuss the goings on of the weekend.

The journey up there was a breeze. What should have taken two and a half hours took just under two thanks to the wonders of trains being waiting for me as I arrived. Result. Of course, while heading up there and getting a text from Mand asking "where are you now" the only reply I could give at that moment, considering I was on a train in a strange county, not near anything resembling a village or town, with no one around me was "on the train".

I have been told there are aspects of the weekend I am not allowed to talk about, but nodding to someone and actually obeying... Well, different things really aren't they.

The biggest hamper on me personally this weekend was the Germs. Yes, that cold I shook off re-emerged Friday morning and by the afternoon I was all croaky and crap, something that got worse over the weekend. My manly voice was replaced by the sound of a lad who's voice is breaking.

First hurdle was meeting the hosts and their wee one who is a mini dynamo. That was fairly easy as I've spoken to Mand on messenger and the phone, and Jack on the phone a couple of times.

That evening, we drank fake Jack Daniels and played computer games. Which, I hasten to add, caused me to be beaten by a girl. However, just admitting that makes me even more manly. Some time between the hours of 2-3am we all started yawning and called it a night. I hit the sofa, staring at Mands dirty hole.

Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that..

Then the following day came more people. The first bring Jennifer who I'd never met. She, like me, was a Southerner so we were the "Common as Muck" brigade with constant smutty comments and taking the piss. A while later Lynzy and Bex turned up, a pair of northerners that sounded very, er, northern ;) So us southern sorts too the piss out of them for a while too.

With the troop assembled and the wee one shifted off to a grandmothers house, we started to drink, have a lot of laughs and drink some more. We hit the pub. We drank more. Four of us hit a club while the other two went back to the house. We continued to drink and things started getting very fuzzy and blurry. At one point I thought I was having some sort of seizure, but lo-and-behold, I was on a dancefloor. Bex is only tiny, but she MADE me do it.

Plus I was too pissed to care at that point ;)

We got a cab back to the Palace a little later on, and ordered delivered fast food. Burgers, Kebabs, Chips - that kinda thing. I remember eating it, I remember dropping it Mayo-Side-Down onto my mobile phone... The next thing I know, it's half seven and I am laying on a two-seat sofa with a duvet thrown over me. One girl asleep on the mattress on the floor, another on the big sofa.

I did the Post Heavy Night Of Drinking checks.

- Still fully clothed: Check
- No spill/splash marks on chest or legs: Check
- No lumps of food in nose: Check
- No hangover: Check
- No unexplained injuries: Check
- Check calls made on the mobile: Check
- Check messages sent on the mobile: Check

Being that I was dressed, albeit in last nights attire, I was able to sit up and not make a bigger fool of myself. No sign of sick, the world was completely stable and sounds didn't bother me - though Lynzy's phone with Jim Carey screaming "Alrighty Then!" made me defecate myself. Still, I had no Booze Bruises, and hadn't done anything silly on my phone. Except make it smell like a cheeseburger.

And that was this morning. We gradually got ready, some taking longer than others to do so. The Northern Girlies had to shift off early ish for their train back to the land of Coal Mines, Bitter and Whippets, so we said bye bye to them, had lunch, then me and Jennifer decided to head off too - we went together as we both needed London, so we continued our reign of terror down the spine of the country (well, more it's spleen).

Being as we got on the wrong carriage and got sick of trying to walk the length of the train against the flow of people, Jennifer decided we'd be EXTRA classy, and she paid for us to be upgraded to First Class. Wot wot wot. Two common-as-much sorts sitting in the first class carriage of a Sheffield-to-London train.

Of course, I think our laughing and less-than-quiet topics of conversation got us some funny looks, but still ;)

Once we arrived in London The St Pancras International, we strutted through the very posh area, browsing and perusing the stores till we had to part ways, and from that point on, the train system fought against me. There were massive delays and issues on the Circle Line - I think because of some party/protest thingie the night before, but the train was taking forever. In the end, I got off four stops early and walked for half an hour through London to where I needed to be.

Silly Underground.

Once I got to Fenchurch Street, it was clear sailing through again.

Got to Basildon, kidnapped the kids, walked home with them, got in, put away laundry, put on wash load from the weekend, put kids to bed, and now here I sit. Knackered.

Of course, being so tired, I am struggling to remember a lot of what went on, in what order. There are things I've been told I have to post about though...

- I did in fact lose on a computer game to a girl.
- I flaked out first in the house Saturday night.
- End famine in Africa by giving them all vibrators so they are having fun and not breeding, and thus not creating a strain on the food supplies.
- Mand does have a large dirty hole. That we all saw. And it's a bit flaky around the edges.
- Mand is better than me because she has a license, but kept having panic attacks while driving. And stalling.
- The first drink spillage was Mand, caused by her trying to hide from people while she SMOKED. And she kept stealing peoples cigs to smoke during the evening.
- Someone needed to re-dye their hair quite seriously
- Mand and Bex had a slight fight against gravity on the dancefloor. They lost.
- Jenny has one topic of conversation. Sex. It's all good.
- Bex decided to buy an airbed. No pump. Guess which spanner ended up doing the majority. I still think the previous attemptees didn't open the valve though.
- Me and Jenny being left at the Palace on our own. Long Distance phone calls, Pay Per View orders, rummaging through underwear draws.
- Lynzy trying to convince me that her land of Coal Mines and Bitter isn't quite true, and that they don't always make up words. Bex then asked if "anyone wants owt" Owt?!
- I got to meet the Posh Parents in the new family Posh Pub. The Fox and Hounds, Bedford. Very nice (See that, free advertising ;)
- Mand needs to clean up her bedroom.
- My laptop didn't get fixed. Have to phone Fujitsu-Seimens (*snigger*) and hope it's under warrenty.

I have a sneaking suspicion that others will be back here to correct me on my notes, and prolly add some to the list. But suffice to say, I had a bloody great time, everyone was most excellent and great fun, and can't wait for it to happen again!

Big thank you to Mand and Jack for putting up with me, plying with food and drink, and having a great time!

I've Earned It

It has to be said that I have been a busy little bunny today. And with minimal amounts of procrastination.

All that down there in the post below I have plugged away at pretty much all day. I checked my WoW before I started it all, otherwise had I done it while mid-busy-bunny, I would have stayed put. After the doctors, I headed to Ruths where I was supposed to be heading into town, but various amounts of stress and stuff had cropped up, and in the end she told me to stop flapping and sent me home. The Bitch.

Then I pretty much burnt my way through the house, slogging over this, that and the other, and decided at about 2pm to have something to eat. I hadn't eaten all day. So I sat down with some rabbit food, a banana, a cup of tea, and watched the last episode of House season two. Ooooh. I was good though, I refrained from ripping the cellophane from my season three box, and carried on.

Not long after I restarted, I chucked the dog in the garden, headed off for a pee (hey, you want a classy blog, this ain't it!), collected some rubbish and headed down, opened the back door - to find a brown dog in the garden. Sally, as you know, is white. This was a brown dog... No, wait... My Garden + Heavy Rain + White Boxer = ....Well, you can imagine.

And I'd not long cleaned the floors...

So I strategically placed some laundry on the floor, and got her up into the bath, where I promptly showered, bathed, scrubbed, combed, rescrubbed, recombed and dried the dirty great lump. Sure enough the Brown Dog became a White Dog once more. Do I slapped on her anti-flea stuff, and text Cel to let her know that if she would rather Sally stayed at hers for the weekend, instead of Cel coming here to sort her out, she was sorted.

Cel called very soon after that, and from her tone of voice, I figured that I was being... Well, rather special. I thought I had mentioned it to her, but the more I spoke to her, the more I thought "Dan, you're a spaz" So the dog sitter is sorted now too! She's coming later this evening to collect the stupid-ass mongrel and take her back to hers, and come in during the day to check on the pussy cats.

A little after 5pm, Kellie and her kids turned up for a coffee. Well, the kids got juice, but otherwise, we sat for an hour chatting and chilling, me being very self-conscious of how hot I was. Hot, as in heat, not hot as in my normal physical presence.

They toddled off around six, and I once again set to the house, packing, sorting, arranging... And now here I am, 8pm, and finally, I am done. Granted, there are two items on the list I have yet to do, but the first, "shorts", are in the washing machine. If it gets hot, I am sorted, otherwise, I sleep in them when staying at other peoples houses. No one wants to see my special boxer shorts during the night/first thing in the morning ;) The second item, "shave", well, I'll do that this evening before bed when I have a shower.

My bag is packed, my laptop is packed (those of you that pray to electronic deities, say a pray that my hosts can fix it!), and I even have a sleeping bag packed. I am offically ready...

And aside from a brief babysitting stint in the morning while Ruth goes to see her doc about her STD, I will be doing the off mid-morning. Ish. YAY for a weekend holiday!

And no, Emma, I am not heading to Pompey ;)

Germs, Water, Stress, Travel...

Being that the school is currently on half-term break, and being that I was poorly last week, the kids routine was all over the place once again.

I ended up with a stinking cold that left me completely exhausted. I literally spent four or five days just flopped out on the sofa. On the bright side, I watched the first two seasons of House MD, the first season of Extras, a couple of monster movies (which I previously ranted about), and caught up on some other films I'd not seen in a while.

The kids came back on Sunday... Or was it Saturday... Hmm... Anyways, we had a lot of laughs, running around playing and doing stuff. The weather was a bit grey over the weekend, but Sunday was evil rain hammering down out the sky.

So me and Kellie decided I should take the kids to hers, stay the night, and chill out. She has two kids, a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old girl, and they all pretty much got on. However, getting to hers was... Interesting. Monday was wet, dare I say wetter than the rest of the weekend. The three of us heading to the bus stop meant we got soaked. Then waiting for the bus, I put the kids in a phone box while I went from Soaked to Really Soaked.

Thankfully, it stopped raining once we got off at the other end, but there was a catch. Kellie lives on Canvey Island, a place prone to the occasional flood. And flood it did. The worst flooding in several years, apparently. It even made the front page of all the local papers.

Of course, being that it's lower than sea level, flooding is a given. Still, it could have been worse. Anyway - walking from the bus to Kellies, the kids pretty much waded the whole way. Sure, they could have walked around, but, well... kids ;)

Still, had a great time there, the kids marauded around, girls doing painting and colouring, the boys on the playstation - and finding any excuse to go outside and play in the "puddles".

Getting home, I had a couple of debt collectors turn up on the door which was nice... So had to pay them. Which was nice... Then went to Cels house where a power cut had messed with her computer. So I had to fix that. Her computer is a complete bitch, and a five minute job took nearly an hour. Gah! And between paying money, fixing computers, I received some news that my brain wasn't sure how to process, so I ended up puking all evening instead.

Which was nice...

On the bright side, I woke up this morning feeling much better. Germs are gone, I'm dry and warm, and while my stomach is all knotted from being sick for eight hours, I feel fine and good. Stress does funny things to me. Not sure I can go into it here, not yet anyways, so will be hanging fire before going into that.

Thankfully, it wasn't a bug. I felt fine until my tummy decided to evacuate, and then felt fine again. I'm not thankful it wasn't a bug for any real reason - except A) I didn't make my kids ill, B) I didn't make Kellie and her kids ill, and more importantly, C) I'm not going to be ill to go away for the weekend.

Ooooh I can't wait!

How Rumours Start

Why'd It Have To Be Snakes...

Before I head to bed for the night, and seeing as it's after midnight, I really should post this.

I have a friend who has a couple of snakes they are looking to rehome. And when I say "snakes" I mean "bloody great lengths of satanic death serpents" being as that they are snakes... *shudder*

There are two snakes that need new homes BUT while my friends don't want to put a price on them, you will need to make an offer. Assuming you want them ;)

• Snake #1- 6ft Gold Ball Python, with a tank on a stand
• Snake #2- 10ft Albino Burmese Python, with a tank but no stand

If you are genuinely interested, and would like to make a serious offer, let me know and I will pass on their info to you. Obviously, you'll either need to live nearby or be willing to travel. If they don't get rehomed, then I think they are heading off to a zoo or something. They have names - I seem to think one is called Hufflepuff, but not sure. The family have kids ranging from 7 or 8, up to 16 or so.

If you have questions, ask me and I can either find out or pass you on :)

See the things I do for my friends... Blergh!

De-Lurk Ya Bastards!

Yes, the Hooded Claw. Dark, hidden, mysterious. And the very embodiment of my blogs biggest reader base - the mysterious lurker.

So here it is. Say Hi. De-Lurk. Post a "howdy" comment, let me know who you are, even if you want to use a fake name to protect your identity. Don't use "Me" as I seem to have about a berjillion of "Me" reading. Let me know where you're from. How long have you been reading? Did you follow a link or trip over my infamy some other way?

Even you bastards reading on an RSS Feed that don't come visit, click that link and come visit.

I don't mind if you just found me today. I don't mind if you've been reading for a few days, weeks, months or - for the rare reader - years. Say hello.

Don't make me threaten the kitten. Because I will if I have to.


Think of the kitten.

Edit: Three days to go on my Delurkers week, and HURRAH! Thanks to everyone delurking, now for the rest of you to do it too! Go on, you know you want to ;)

Pssst...

About ten minutes ago, I started writing a blog post in the usual style of a "shurrup bloody gossipers!" in an attempt to stop the rumours, quell the chatting going on behind closed doors and everything else. It was quite a well-written piece, taking some of the information that has filtered back to me through the various 0ddChannels out there, and justifying each and every one of them.

However. After much contemplating, reassessment and consideration, I deleted that post, removed my well formed words, perfect grammar (pfft) and whatever else fell from my fingers onto the keyboard, and came to a new, even deeper conclusion.

Fuck it!

It occurs to me I've spent a few posts here and there examining the stuff that people might have heard, thought about (and asked - I'm not quite THAT good!) and assumed. But, I have decided that I'm bored with that. If people want to gossip, you go for it. I like to think I publish pretty much everything I get up to, either on here, via Twitter, or even on my Facebook. Obviously there are aspects of my life I've always kept private, and on the grand scheme of things, there are probably only two or three people that know even more than that.

Trust issues, don't ya know ;)

So, go nuts. If you hear from someone that I was seen by someone with another person, then obviously there is something going on there. If someone asks someone why I am spending so much time with someone, thenclearly I am hiding something.

So here's the deal. Want to know something, just ask me. I might answer, I might tell you to get stuffed. Or, just gossip away. I'm going to start sowing seeds of gossip among a few key people, so the information you might get may well be tainted, which means when I announce the truth, you will look an even bigger banana.

Enjoy ;)

It's Busy Bunny Me!

Fair to say there has not been much in the way of actual, bona fide content here on the blog for the past week... Or two.. ish. Also, it would be fair to say that I've been pretty much out of the loop in regards to keeping the world up to date on my mental health (or lack of), my physical health (or lack of), nor my normal, averagely boring day-to-day crap.

The reasoning behind all this is because I've been so fricking busy. Or, as Cassandra would say, "Oot an' Aboot" Or something similar - I usually screw up the spelling, but I am sure she'll throw something at me from the States ;)

For those that enjoy reading doom, gloom and suffering, then this post may well be something you won't enjoy reading. See, despite everything that has gone on over the last couple of months, I am doing good.

No, scratch that. I am rocking, kicking ass, winning, smiling, grinning... Dare I say it, but life is... Good. And I can't even thank blame my Happy Brain Medicine because I am sloooowly weaning myself off it. Granted, I'm not actually OFF it yet, and where as missing a dose a few months ago would see me twitching and zapping like the energiser bunny shorting out, I am now going three days between doses. Three! It's going to take time I think, and I'm dealing with some very interesting side effects by the end of day three, but I'm manly, I can cope ;)

I've been busy as a box of frogs trying to escape their prison. Mainly, I've been helping Ruth with various stuff - not that she's been slave-driving me. I had to say that. I can't deal with her moaning at me again. I offer to help with her garden, kitchen, shopping or whatever. Of course, on top of that, I've also had to deal with my personal favourite pass-time... The Rumourmill.

I know I've said it before, but people, here's a little peek into my head. Ruth has been a friend for many years. No, we're not doing the horizontal mumbo. No, we're not secretly a couple. No, I'm not using her to look after me, and No no no, she is not using me to help her out. Yes, she is a girl. Yes, I am a boy. When I say "I am going to have dinner at Ruths", that doesn't mean "I'm going to shag". It may have escaped the attention of a few persons, but pretty much ALL my friends are girlies. It just happens that Ruth lives *over there*. Next time the Web Cam is on, picture the scene - the Blood Red House of Death - his back garden pretty much joins onto Ruths back garden.

I'm not naming names, pointing at culprits or anything like that. But next time you ask, I will tell you what you want to hear, and then mock you when it comes back and bites your bum.

Anyways.

Last weekend saw me travelling to what I considered to be a local warzone of dodgy people. I freely admit I was wrong. If there is a war there, it's all completely hidden from the average passer-by (me). A few months back, I managed to find an oooold friend on Facebook. Or vice versa. I forget which, but still. When my Mum and StepDad moved us into Blackmores, (Oooh can see my garden and mums car!) the family next door had a daughter, Kellie, the same age as me. Kellie, Jay and Myself were the oldest of the pack of youngsters that travelled the local area, and we grew up together till she moved away in her mid-teens. We carried on seeing each other till our late teens, then slowly scattered to the winds.

Now, nearly 15 years later, we started chatting again and catching up. I was there Saturday afternoon till Sunday afternoon, talking till 4am, and then carrying on after a few hours sleep. Bringing one another up to speed on our lives, drinking beer, coffee, Jack Daniels, and most amusingly, chatting about the crap we used to get up to.

After comparing notes, I stand by my previous comment of "I'm amazed I'm not dead"

The very very strange thing though... I was wandering through town heading to the bus station, quite happily listening to my headphones to block out the "You effin' wanker, bitch moan piss come-and-have-a-go" Chavtastic shouting, when someone leapt from the shadows. On my way to see an old friend I've not seen for nearly 15 years, I am attacked by an old friend I've not seen for 15 years. Cassie always was mental, and still is. And yes, she reads this, and I would like to see her deny it ;)

Another topic of conversation over the weekend with Kellie, was the possibility of getting the old crowd back together. Over the last couple of months, I think I have found pretty much everyone that I used to terrorise the neighbourhood with. And I think it'd be a bloody laugh to all head out somewhere with our own kids and have a massive BBQ session or something. See how much trouble we can get into, and see how the kids compare!

Sort of a "We Made It!" celebration... I'm sure we can arrange something amusing...

When I am actually home, I am clearing up the chaos left by Jaysen, Tam or even yours truly. I blame the animals ;) I can't remember the last time I actually cooked in my own home, but you know, that's neither here nor there ;)

Since getting back onto Facebook, I've reduced the amount of Outgoing Pokage that I was dishing out, but it's still there. I even gained a few friends from the Save The Dan group! hehe I've also become rather, shall we say, addicted, to Twitter. If you have a mobile phone or live at your computer (or, in some peoples cases, both), then have a peek.

As for being a Singleton, I am completely at peace with whatever power it is that has decreed I should live as such. I talk to Jo every day or two, see her every now and then, and there is no weirdness, no tension... As I've said before, we are and pretty much always will be friends. Even with everything "behind the scenes" as it were, things aren't strained. I've said before, I saw it coming, I knew it would happen eventually, and so we're making the best of it as we can. The kids are quite happy with everything, and the "schedule" we've fallen into seems to be working pretty well. I have Jaysen Sunday evening till Wednesday when Tam turns up. Then it's me and the kids till Friday evening, when Jo comes gets the pair of them, and returns Jaysen Sunday evening.

Of course, we're both flexible - last week, Jo had a rough time with various stuff, so I kidnapped Tam back so Jo could have some quiet time. This weekend, Jo is off to see Patch for his 50th birthday. I was invited too, but don't think I'm quite ready for socialising in that aspect ;) This means I get the kids for the weekend too which is a bargain - usually it's during school time, but with the weekend we can go do whatever the hell we like! I think the lakes are in order... Followed by home and showers for those that happen to fall in.

Saying no names, of course. I can neither confirm nor deny I may or may not be slightly clumsier than the average owner of two left feet with no sense of balance...

I think my mood has been helped by the sheer volume of sunlight that is currently battering the house and surrounding area. Sun is good. Well, aside for my face which has erupted in spots. Acne keeps you looking younger I suppose... Of course, you would think that being in England the weather sucks in comparison to, say, Australia... Ho Ho. I present to the court, an Australian, bitching and moaning about their crappy weather.

Our news report tonight promised rain and 18 & 19 degrees C for the rest of the week, yay us!! That means that there is a more than 99.99% chance that I am going to get wet doing the pick up and drop offs for school this week!

Poor Mel. She's cold, she's getting soaked, and it's making a certain feature of hers even worse. I won't mention it, though I DO have photographic proof...

So, aside from all that, I think what has helped me more than pretty much ANYTHING has been my friends. From those here that have to listen to me moan in person, those I've found once again, those that I catch occasionally on MSN, pester by mail or prod on Facebook - You've made me see what is what and pull me through this.

People keep saying to me "Holy crap, I can't believe how well you're doing" but it's not me. I've had help. So to everyone, thank you.

Even to random people that arrive on the doorstep, linger for AGES, and only leave when I point out they got a ticket on their car fifteen minutes ago... Yes, it's the simple things that keep me ticking over.

So, with stuff still to be done, I'm going to set about to using the funky "Schedule Publishing" feature. It's currently half seven, still sunny, and I'm blaring out music. Let's set posting for... hmmm... 11pm..

Why?

Why not.

The Demonstration Has Another Effect

Saturday saw me banned from Facebook.
Sunday saw the girls start the Save The Dan demonstration group on Facebook.

So YAY really ;)

Otherwise, I've had a manic day, shopping, cleaning, drinking white chocolate hot chocolate, shopping more, cooking, school runs... Not even 20:00 and I am knackered. BUT I'm not going to go to bed yet - I'm going to leave it a bit so I am TIRED when I go to bed!

Maybe tonight I'll sleep!

Otherwise, I've had a pretty good day, head is clearer after sorting through some stuff rattling around in it. People keep offering to help me go through it all, but... There's always a but, and this time, I can't go into it really. Very strange situation I find my head putting me in.

Cryptic I know, but who knows, one day I might get it sorted enough to blog.

Ahem.

So, good day, head in a good place once again and lots going on. But still banned from Facebook and still no contact from them. Pah.

On Being Banned

I wouldn't bandy the term "addicted" around very much usually, but I have noticed that I am rather... Well, bored. Usually when I get up, I check mail, stats, news, blogs, facebook. The last isn't just "checking", it's replying to messages, playing games, sending gifts, posting on walls, saying hi to friends.

I never had much in the way of applications unlike some people out there - my profile page usually loaded after a few seconds - but there were things on there I liked to do.

I'm still trying to think as to the why I got banned, and really cannot figure it out.

• I sent 15 Ann Summers gifts out
• I invited several friends to Owned and Scramble
• I SuperPoked everyone with the Poke of the Day
• I made nearly a million dollars buying and selling my friends
• I took two surveys
• I sent a half-dozen messages to my Aussie Stalker
• I posted on a couple of other peoples Walls
• I poked. As usual ;)

Now the ONLY thing that was different about yesterday was the poking strangeness and what I thought to be broken friend request. First, the poking. The only person on was Mel, discussing, er, stuff. I noticed that when I poked her back, another poke instantly appeared from her. I'm not talking with a few seconds delay, but instantly. The second thing was a friend request from Mels hubby. I clicked "confirm friend request" and went back to my front page, where there was a friend request from Mels hubby. Which I confirmed, only for it to get replaced by a friend request from Mels hubby, which I confirmed, and so on.

Typical bloody Australians get me banned it would seem ;) Wenches and Convicts the lot of em.

Other than that, I have NO clue what I could have done to earn myself a ban. That list is what I do pretty much every single morning. Then I am on and off facebook during the day as and when I get a chance. I'm still getting the "Your account has been disabled by an administrator" message trying to log in. No reply to the three emails I've sent them. Emmas group has started getting lots of members - I was in bed last night texting her names of people I could remember on there, but having NO head for names or anything, I was struggling. I was texting her names, she was hunting them down and sending them messages...

Only to get a warning for being a spammer! hehe

My StatCounter has shown that the group has doubled the traffic to my blog yesterday - from 80-100 hits to just over 200. Not too shabby really.

But I am bored. I don't play WoW all the time, and I've read the internet. Usually an evening unwinding would involve kicking arses at Scrabble or Word Twist, but not last night. If it gets too bad I might have to resort to drastic measures...

*gulp*

I might have to turn on the telly.

To Sum Up...

Around midday today, Ruth called - she has her fella Paul down this weekend, and knowing I'm having a crappy weekend, she gave me a shout and offered hot cross buns for lunch, and a roast dinner this evening. Who am I to say no to her nurturing needs...

So instead of moping around the house, I headed over there and chilled out - though this time she only made me do her washing up instead of full-blown housework for a change.

Jo called while I was there, called me a banana for thinking the way I was, and for the first time in a long time, I spoke to her about my fears and suchlike. I was hiding down the end of Ruths garden so I couldn't be overheard, not because I don't want Ruth to know, but I was being a girl as usual.

Marvellous really.

Lack of sleep, compounded by wandering brain thoughts and just not being clear in my head all piled up, and I was at the end of Ruths garden crying down the phone to Jo about various stuff that I can't/won't share here. Nothing about Me and Jo, other stuff involving my life. She was able to help get my head clear, but I've still had a rough day.

I've been checking my mail on my phone to see if Facebook decided to reply - they didn't, but then, it is Sunday so no doubt they have better things to do that respond to people they have (apparently) banned randomly. Cass mailed me to let me know she had a random warning last week, and Deb also mentioned she had a couple of warnings, so *fingers crossed* this is something automated and erroneously random. By the same token, I'd not be surprised if there was something I've done unknowingly.

I was very surprised by a message from Emma earlier on this afternoon telling me she has set up a group to fight for my membership! Not sure what will come of it, but as of now (19:20) I have sixteen supporters! Em set up a group to get me back on, and Mand is on the sidelines with her pompoms out... Crazy girlies ;) Apparently the link to the left in the Cbox will take you to the group if you're a member... Well, if you're not a banned member anyway ;)

I got in a little while ago, have loud music on and am ignoring phones. To sum up: I'm still fed up (though feeling the luuuurve), I'm bored, I ran out of Twitter SMS Updates, so am sending messages but have to log in to see replies, I'm still banned on Facebook, and my laptop is still not coming on at all which has REALLY hacked me off no end.

Now to wait for Jaysen to come home, bribe him with an early (ish) night or else, and for me to try and sleep tonight. Of course, tomorrow is the start of a new week, which no doubt means all the shit will be starting over in less than twelve hours.

Can't wait...