Something's Bugging Me

It's that time of year again... The nights are cooler and longer, the ground is damper, and that can only mean one thing.

Attack of the Crane Fly.

Now, bugs in any form, shape or size don't bother me in the girlie "Eeeek a bug!" way, but Daddy Long Legs just irritate the hell out of me. Add to the fact that this year we're (apparently) seeing a huge increase in numbers due to last years mild winter, and it all adds up on this poor ol' blogger.

For those that don't know anything about them, imagine the giant version of a mosquito, but all gangly and googly. They don't bite or anything, but just end up everywhere. The cats think they are a delicacy, the dog watches them as though she is regarding something on a similar brain level, and Tam thinks they are hugely amusing. Jaysen likes to catch them and feed Fred, our resident Massive-Fricking-Spider.

But me, I seem to attract them. Walking to school, sitting at my computer, eating my dinner - they just dive bomb me out of the blue. Like I say, they don't bother me, I just seem to attract the buggers. We had people over the other night, all sat around playing Munchkin, and they were attacking me. Me and Pete we catching them as they flew around us, and took great pleasure in throwing them down the cleavage of Jo and Amber. Highly amusing.

Well, for us, anyway.

And that's not all that annoys me about them! You know that sound a gnat makes in the night, the high-pitched whining-buzzing sound that you smack at trying to kill it? You think that's annoying, the sound of a Crane Fly buzzing and bumping around the room is worse!! If a mosquito is like a paper aeroplane, then the crane fly is like a Chinook.

And they suck at flying! I mean, who gave them their license?! They buzzzzzz *thump into the bookcase* buzzzzz *thump into the wall* buzzz *thump into the lamp*. They have zero control!

The cats eating them, while kind of gross, isn't the worst part. I get to play Crime Scene Investigator in the mornings, trying to guess how many victims there were. The evidence is usually a few legs and maybe a wing or two. All over the bloody house. Floors, windowsills, kitchen side, desk... Bits of crane fly everywhere. And then there are the ones that throw themselves down the loo in the night, only to have us pee on them in the morning.

Last but not least - the very smart ones that fly into the back of my desk fan. It's like Horror Movie Confetti. Buzzzzzzz thump splinter shower-of-bits.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, the Crane Fly.

*applauds*

PS - this is my 600th post!

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6 Responses to “Something's Bugging Me”

Laney said...

*snort* The desk fan bit was funny!
We only have a few days left of their season, it's usually about 4 weeks and we must have been hassled by them for 3 weeks now. It seems like a lifetime. The poor little buggers only live 24 hours. Just enough time to shag, breed, lose a few legs and die.

Lara said...

s'cuse the profanity here but POST OF THE FCUKING MONTH!!!! I'm *so* with you on this, I hate the buggers too. Only thing is, if they love you so much and we don't live far from each other then why the hell do they seem to give me so much shit and hassle me so damn often???

So let me get this straight - if I move next door to you then the bastards will leave me alone???

Dan said...

Laney - I suspect these buggers are going to be around a long time yet :(

Of course, they don't survive 24 hours in this house, between cats, kids, fans and Dan :D

And Lara, yes, you're out of my catchment area! Of course, if you lived next door, you'd either have to contend with an elderly couple, or an Indian family. Your choice ;)

Lara said...

well the elderly couple I have in abounds at the moment, and re: the alternative - well, let's just say I used to live in a part of Wembley called "Little India". But[raging hippie mode] Marley once said "Love see no colour".

[/raging hippie mode]

I geddit now, you've got half of the crane flies and I've got all of the bloody gnats - my foot's swollen up like a big red swollen thing cos I got bitten on the TOE FFS!!!

Dagnammit Grrrrrrr........

alan said...

If you pull one of their legs off you render them useless. They'll fly away and die somewhere

Dan said...

I wouldn't say that Alan - the buggers carry on with just one leg and as I write this, there are two 3-legged specimins shagging on the wall in front of me.

I'm not sure they only live 24 hours either - There's one bumbling around Jaysen room that has been playing in the lampshade for a few days now!