This Mornings Spam

So, in regards to the spam I got this morning - I'm not linking the post, it's two below this one - I actually got a reply from them already. While I never ever give them anything aside from my junk email address (it's the one that I use to sign up to things online so they spam one address and not four), I like to waste their time as much as they waste mine.

Meh, I'm a bloody-minded-son-of-a-bitch. Sue me.

So anyway, I mailed them this morning with a very basic mail just to see if they could spot the sarcasm.

Of course I will help.
Send me the money and I will invest it straight away with various stocks and shares.
That was at 7.15am this morning. Well usually I don't get any reply, aside from the original "lottery win" I had a few months back, I was surprised to get in this morning to the following mail.
Dear.
Thank you very much for your kind responds, Is my sincere pleasure to advice you that I was glad and full of joy to have gotten some one like you who is God fearing and ready to assist me in the realization of this aspiration, and I believe with one spirit, that we are going to achieve this goal and believing also that this transaction will mark the beginning of a long lasting business relation ship with both parties.

Mean while, here is the operational work plans on how this transaction will be completed after my investigation from the security company and banks here , and I will appreciate you go through it and get back to me with your positive responds.

Considering the fact that we have not met before, and this fund is in a liquid cash ready to be transferred to your account in your country, it will be appreciated you start making arrangement on how to fly down to Abidjan, to assist me in off setting the demurrage charges accumulated by the consignment, and retrieving of the consignment that contains the fund from the security company, and also to enable us meet face to face here in Abidjan to discuss the modalities on the areas of investment.

Secondly, the most reason why your presence is highly needed here in Abidjan is to open up an account with any of the prime bank here in Abidjan in your name where the fund will be lodged for onward transfer of the fund to your account as soon as it is been retrieved from the custody of the security company. Once your bank credits the fund into your account, I will immediately fly back with you to your country for investment purposes. And bear also in mind that this transaction is highly risk free as I have all the vital documents that is related to this transaction but all we need to total confidentiality.

OPTION 2
And should in case you are unable to fly down to Abidjan, we have to advice the security company to transport the consignment directly to your home address in your country or to any of their offshore collecting centre in Europe Asia America via their diplomatic immunity as they do also cover diplomatic courier services. So I will be happy to hear from you urgently on the area that will be convenient for you in respect to complete this transaction with me in good faith.

Also do feel free to ask what ever question you intend to ask in regards to this transaction .I shall also be sending to you all the vital documents that are related to this transaction as soon as I received your positive responds. And it will also be appreciated you call me on this my private telephone number 0022508448353 for more information’s While awaiting your responds; let’s continue to work to the glory of God.

Ahmed Omar
So, The Ivory Coast (Côte d'Ivoire) and it's largest city, Abidjan. Could I pop down there to a crime-ridden city to collect $15million? See previous comments of me not being born yesterday. Even Wikipedia makes a note to not cross the bridges on foot as you'll be robbed. Nice.

So, plan of action. Well, lets see if I can get them to buy me airline tickets. No, I won't give them my home address. No, I won't give any phone numbers. But hey, a return ticket is £450. Usually this ass-heads make people fork out cash after cash after cash, so lets see if they think I'm hooked and willing to pay for me. hehe Hey, HE says it's "highly risk free" so it must be true....

I tell you, boredom does not mix well with me.

Anyway, I'll leave you with my reply to him:
Ahmed,
This does indeed sound like a wonderful venture. I would love to be able to afford all five of my children to college and leave them money for when my time comes.

While I will be getting a share of this money, I think your best course of action will be to buy my flight ticket and hotel booking for me. If it's all arranged at your end then it's likely to be more secure. The best way to cover these costs will be to deduct the money from my share of the fund. When you fly back to England with me, I can show you the sights of my home town, The Lake District, a truely bustling metropolis.

If you wish to use the second option for ease then that is fine and dandy as well - just let me know what you need for this as well.

Many thanks, continue your good work!
-Dan
And for any not of English Stock (that is, the country, not me!), the Lake District is as bustling-metropolis-like as a district of lakes can be. There might be a shed there. Let's see if he'll buy me a flight out there!

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3 Responses to “This Mornings Spam”

Me said...

*munches popcorn, waits for response*

Anonymous said...

pass me some popcorn please.... FINALLY something worth watching.

Dan said...

Well I've got a reply...
But will leave it till morning :)