Cote d'Ivoire

I am not a worldly man. I have never been outside of Europe, nor have I ever lived among the foreign-sorts in another country. I know where a lot of places are, but the chances of me ever seeing them are slim to none, no matter how much I want to see them.

However, one place I would not like to go is Cote d'Ivoire, or The Ivory Coast, Africa. It has suffered coups, civil war and is apparently one of the most economically unstable countries of Africa. What I have noticed though, is that despite the state the place is in, there is an awful lot of money out there. And all that money, it would seem, has a percentage earmarked just for ME.

Millions and millions of US Dollars held by banks, financial institutions, lawyers - the owner died, or it's siphoned from a government fund, or it's a payment that has no where to go. But the nice people out there always think of ME. Even though, of course, they want me to help invest it, knowing me and money is a hilarious mix (because apparently they research me first!), and knowing that the Dollar over here is worth bugger all.

Yes folks, I got another one :D Tis a tale of sadness to be sure...

Dearest One

I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since we
have not known or met ourselves previously I am asking for your assistance after I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you. I want to find out if it's possible for you to deal with individual as to investment. I came across your profile and I feel it's highly reputable that is why I pick an interest getting across to you in respect of investment at my disposal. I will be so glad if you can allow me and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation now. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you.
I am Sandra James 22Years Old Lady from (cote d ivore) ,the only daughter
of Late Micheal James , My father is now late he was a well known cocoa
and gold merchant business man in my country( cote d ivore) ,he was poisoned by his co-business partner a year ago. The main reason why I am contacting you now is to seek your assistance in the area of my future investment and also for a help hand over some huge amount of money in my possession.
This fund ( US5.6 Million dollars) is deposited in a bank in my country in (cote d'ivoire) a years ago by my father he made me the sole beneficiary.I am now asking you to stand on my behalf,to stand as my partner and in time of the claim and investment as well. I have made up my mind to offer you 13%of the total money while the remaining will go into a productive investment. Pls attach your direct and full information as you reply to me.
Thanks and remain bless.

Best Regards
Sandra James
What I DID leave out of the message were the little icons of roses around "Dearest One" at the top. She sounds like a nice lady, and only wants my "full" information... And of course, her father is late for something... I will see if I can help her...
Dear Ms. James,
Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. The death of a loved one is never easy, and in such circumstances as well...

I am an private accountant here in England, and as such deal with large sums of money on a daily basis from across the globe - and as such, moving such sums of money is relatively simple if you know where to turn and who to speak with. However, my main concerns are simple;
  1. Such an act would be considered fraudulent in this country, and I would require a little more in the way of incentive.
  2. The US Dollar is currently very weak against the British Pound, again, suggesting to me that I may require a little more in the way of payment.
I am perfectly happy to assist you in this matter, utilising my professional and personal assets and contacts to move this money. Perhaps I could also draw up a portfolio of stocks and investments for you to look into.

My terms are thus; I will assist you for a minimum of 15% of the total $5.6million, which works out to around $840,000. This increased amount will cover my personal risk in the matter of moving your money, as well as taking into account the reduced strength of the American currency.

My details are ready to be sent to you - Personal details, Professional information and contact, Banking and Credit information, and my other financial details. When you agree to my terms, I will willingly assist you and inform you as soon as possible.

Many thanks for your correspondance, and again, I offer you my deepest sympathies.

-Daniel J. English, AAT
London, England
Daniel English the Accountant might seem like a pompous arrogant bastard, but he does know his shit.

Edit: Not had any reply from the spammer, so assuming this one either got shut down or realised I'm an asshat

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3 Responses to “Cote d'Ivoire”

debbie said...

OMG Dan, I get those all the time, but never dare reply,, Hope you get some response back,,

Posh Totty said...

PMSL!!! Love your reply, I have these emails all the time too, think I will come to you for a reply next time, whats the betting you dont hear from her again ;o)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Shame they haven't replied yet.