When Spiders Get Big

Spiders, as a rule, do not bother me. I can grab a spider, and save it from the threat of a boot, bug killer, hungry cat or whatever else might be looking to have a pop at the wee little arachnid.

There are exceptions, however. I am scared of snakes. Big, Small, Fat, Thin, Long, Short - blergh, evil nasty things. But spiders don't bother me. They do, however, bother Ruth, and over the weekend, she asked if I could help her with her garden. Not mainly because it's a tough job, but because it meant going into The Shed.

Yes, I capitalised. The Shed. Because it is evil. It's light and airy, but the cobwebs in there are enough to catch, say, Me. Which make you wonder, what on earth spins webs that size.

Ruth is scared of her shed because of this sort of thing...




I promise that this photo has not been altered in ANY way. Nor did I use any special photography equipment - that's taken with my phone... If you want, you can click to embiggen those pictures. But that is just one of the buggers I noticed while in there, which got me to thinking. If that bastard is sitting quietly by the door, waiting to grab you as you walk in, what about the ones you can't see.

As he came out from under his shovel - which is where he lives - I swear I could hear his boots clumping and his sleeves being rolled up. "Wot ya doin' in me shed then?"

I'm not a girl, but I didn't want to hang around in there. Mower, Strimmer, gerrout.

Of course, I fully understand that the spiders of, say, Australia are bigger, nastier and suchlike, but I make do with what I have. That's not saying the spiders over here are rubbish. Gemma got bitten by a spider once when she was little. Screamed blue murder about it. And, being that I am such a kind, compassionate and very very caring older brother, I laughed and took the piss out of her mercilessly for months.

Until I got into bed and got bitten by a spider. I spent ten minutes wondering if it was one of the urban legend spiders that come over in fruit or plants and kill people. Spiders bite dammit, poisonous or not!

So next time you're heading to the shed, remember, Fred and his mates are watching you, just biding their time...

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7 Responses to “When Spiders Get Big”

Posh Totty said...

OK OK you have made your point, was there really any need for the photographic evidence? .... Eeek thats just not nice.

Now be a nice boy and remove the pics ..... before you cause some poor posh bird to run away screaming I cant even bare to look at the damn things.

Your blog should carry a health warning if you insist on using them kind of images.

Me said...

IT'S SHELOB.

A New Me said...

hey Dan, my Dad has a spider like that in his shed been there for about 2 - 3 years now, and dad leaves a window open for him so he can get flies and water to drink,, infact dad and the spider live quite happily in the shed,, me on the other hand would not go in the shed unless armed with some kind of hoover,, ok need a big hoover.. but its not going to come near me,,

The Sween! said...

Now, i'm like you as in don't mind them but that it just mutated & oversized & deserves to go under my boot! Eugh!

The Sween! said...

I meant "is" - oops!

Shiny Demon said...

I'm shit scared of spiders.
And flying.
And flying spiders.

Cassandra said...

it IS shelob!!

*happily feeds it hobbitses*

poor spydie...all it gets to eat is danses, and they doesn't taste very nice, does they, precious?