Crack Security Force

Today I spent my time mostly sitting with Kellie.  Yes, I'm a sap.  Gemma turned up after school with her wee ones, and the two girls spent their time gassing while Kellie had cuddles with Zoe - sorry, Zoé, which became feeding Zoé, burping Zoé and more cuddles with Zoé.

Jaysen, in the meantime, was running around with Amy, sorting out toys and having a laugh with his wee ickle cousin.

Gemma decided to drive Kellie home to save her getting the bus (Awww) which probably doesn't bode well for me.  Females being Females, and all that...

When they left, I decided to take Jaysen into town and get him a McDonalds - it's not often we have take away food, and while I had a strawberry milkshake, he had food.  And it's there that I get to the point of this post...

See, we were sitting in a rather sparsely-populated food court.  Various resturants and fast-food joints and cafés and suchlike.  However, with it being 5pm, most people were going home and NOT sitting in the food court. 

While we were sitting and eating, I noticed that the table diagonally across from us had a friend, in the form of a bulging backpack.  The table was clean - so either it had been cleaned and the bag ignored, or it had been put at the table after cleaning.

Regardless, there was an unattended bag.

Now, you probably know where my mind is at this point.  I really wasn't expecting it to go blammo, but the whole "you never know" factor was there.  In this day and age, with hightened security levels and threats from all and sundry, the risk was there.

Being a Good Citizen, I get up and alert the girls that look after the tables.  "Excuse me, sorry, but I thought I'd let you know there's a bag with no owner sitting at that table."  The woman looked at me and huffed.

Yes, she huffed. 

"Oh IS there?" she asked me.  Now, the backpack wasn't big, but it was sticking up from the chair and quite visible.  I turned and pointed.  She huffed again.  "Oh OK then" and she wandered off.  No thanks, no acknowledgement, no bravery award.

I sit back down with Jaysen and watch the old girl toddle over and pick up the pack almost gingerly.  With one meaty hand, she wandered over to the other staff who were watching and performed a careful check.

She shook it.


There was no firey ball of death, no cloud of death-flavoured gas.  Thankfully.

So, from the height of four feet, she dropped it to the ground, and with one meaty "I'm On My Feet All Day" foot, kicked it under the cleaning station.

Again, no Blammo, No Hisssss-gag-choke.

A few minutes later, a Proper Security Guard arrives.  He looked very very bored, and leaned over the cleaning station to chat up the younger girl working there.  My Lady pointed out the backpack, so he skirfed it out with his Size 12 Security Shoe, picked it up and shook it.

No Blammo.  No Hissssss-die.

So, with all the precautions taken, his Keen Security Training moved to the next level.  He opened it.  The first thing I noticed were wires.  Not to be put off, he turned the back upside down and shook out all the stuff inside into the sink.  I think one of the items that crashed into the metal bowl was a multimeter or something similar.  Wires, some tools..

As me and Jaysen made our escape, he was casually stuffing it all back into the pack.  I didn't look back.  I'd make an awful witness...

Now, it's not just me, is it?  I mean, heaven forbid it HAD been someone that was sick of the infidels - the British, the Shopping Center, McDonalds, Men, Women, whatever - my last thought would have been "What is that silly cow do- *BLAMMO*"  The headlines would have reported the terrorist attack on Eastgate, and some poor sap would be scooping my intestines from the Happy Meals.  It wouldn't have read "Security Team: What A Bunch Of Knobs" or anything else.

Sitting around that table was myself with Jaysen, a mum with six kids, a mum and dad with two kids, a mum with three kids, plus various staff for the various places, and whoever happened to be in the shops above and below.

All because of Miss *shake-shake-shake-jiggle-jiggle*

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9 Responses to “Crack Security Force”

Kim said...

Now that's scarey, those staff need some serious retraining. Did you report it? I would have done
Kim (Lynzi's mam from oop norf) :O)

debbie said...

that seems typical to me,, No one seems to care when they think the threat of bombs seems to have gone, its was only saturday there was a bomb scare in st pancras,, as my nephew was delayed cause of it..

Anonymous said...


Yet, sadly, fairly typical of what you'd expect.

Unknown said...

I'd like to make one point, beyond the whole "Perhaps you could have blown up" thing.

This girl, behind the counter... she worked in McDonalds right?

There you go :) Clearly didn't finish high school, and obviously has an intellect which rivals only garden tools.

Disgraceful though I must admit... Had it have been London, without a shadow of a doubt, someone whould have a gun pointed at their head...

GreenCastle said...

true nuff folks... stupid behaviour.... However, lets take a second to think about this... firstly when was the last bombing carried out in Basildon? I am guessing? A while ago... besides if a bomb went off there it would improve the place...


As for the McDonalds people not having finished high school, a curious thing occured. I was at McDonalds in Bredbury (thats orp Nooorth to you southern fairies) when I overheard two McDonalds employees discussing there upcoming theisis, one was in his final year doing a psych degree and the other was doing his masters?????

Who said there was no jobs up north? you only need a degree to work at McD's now.... God help us

Posh Totty said...

I think Sam Clarke pretty much said what I was going to say, so wont repeat it and will let him take credit for my thoughts ;o)

Laney said...

There have been actual bombs disposed off in Eastgate before. I worked in the food court when I was at college, and we had loads of false alarms where we got evacuated, but one time there was actually a bomb. Eastgate had no bins for a long, long time, because of the threats the security team would get regularly. The bins have been back for a while now, so Basildon obviously isn't so much of a target now...hehehe. It's either that, or they actually want us to get blown up.

Anonymous said...

Was the cleaner wearing hoop earings by any chance? lol

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Came by to say hellllooo Dan...

how are you buddy???