Template Woes

Slowly, slowly but surely, I am trying to get a decent template on here. Well, I say "surely" but what I mean is, "I find something rather nice, then either have to tweak it, alter it or just outright bin it"

Today is no different. I have been sat here for a couple of hours today trying to get a template to look just so but do you think I can get there? Can I f'k.

My first issue is that I fell asleep not long after I started on it. However, unlike those that feel tired and have a little lay down, I was forcing myself onwards.. And woke up an hour later in my computer chair, face down on my desk. I completely forgot what I had been doing, so I deleted and started over. Now for the last hour and a half, I've been altering and fiddling and what-have-you, trying to get a (Spanish!) template to look right.

However, I've learned from a million a couple of times when I broke 0ddness to do it elsewhere - so have been using my random blog for just such purposes.

My biggest issue, is I couldn't say exactly WHAT I want. Three columns. Clear, Clean, Professional... Dark-ish but not dreary colours. Then there is the OCD-Anally Retentive part of me that has to have things just so. Trying to balance two side columns to look neat. Everything in line. Colours that match - or near as dammit.

And for the love of all things banner-like, can I PLEASE find a template that isn't steered towards AdSense, Banner Ads, Tower ads and all the rest of that shit. And please please, a header image that I can change...

Currently, I have the following layed out on my stomping ground blog: Clicky to Lookie. There is so much WRONG with it, but the basics are quite nice. Maybe a bit cluttered - which I need to figure a way to cut down. The header image is actually two different, different-sized images which is a f'ker. And mostly, more importantly, I want it to load fairly quickly - not struggle through reams of code, background images, sidebar images and everything else... Some blogs I visit have a massive load-time thanks to the template itself, not the stuff on there. Content loading, no a problem, but if the template is slow then I get bored.

I don't know - I doubt I will use it in the long run as I don't look at it and think "Wow, that's nice" I look at it and think "Maybe it'll do for now". The current theme on 0ddness is probably my longest-serving theme since switching to the new version of Blogger, and it's not what I would call a nice template, more a "it'll do" template.

I've sifted through a load of different template sites on Google - the various search strings of "Blogger Templates" "Blogger XML Template" and so on and so on... Somewhere out there, there MUST be something that will satisfy my whiny-crotchety-anally-retentive self... There MUST be...

If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know - but if it's plastered with ads, either random ones or a banner for the author, no thanks ;)

*resumes thumping head on table*

And you know what - I dislike that template on my spare blog more and more, the more I look at it.