Down Down Down...

While my life is slowly getting back on track, I have discovered that I am not completely immune to the effects of being a sad panda.

The last couple of nights, I've not slept very well - night before last I couldn't get comfortable, every time I moved my foot hurt or my back hurt...  Last night was much the same, but my head was running around and taking me to icky places.

This morning, I decided to give up sleeping at about seven, and flopped in the lounge with Jaysen - who was already up.  He made me a cup of tea (bless) and asked what I needed him to do.  He had a quick tidy up of the toys in the lounge, threw the laundry downstairs and asked if I wanted to play WoW with him.

So we sat for an hour or two running around killing everything.  Tam got up, and Jaysen sorted breakfast.  I gave up and just flopped back on the sofa and sat with Tam watching Cbeebies.  At random points of the morning, I just wanted to cry.  Jaysen kept asking if I was OK, if there was anything he could do, if I wanted anything.  Both Tam and Jaysen have been giving me cuddles.

Mostly, I'm thinking of Bethy.  My brain kept running me back to the hospital last night and reliving all the shit she went through.  I miss her like mad still, but when I'm tired, focusing on the good is a mission - my tired head just sits me in that side room...

On top of that, this issue with the Benefit Overpayment is getting to me - a woman on the phone told me it looks like they'd overlooked some information, BUT I have to go through the appeal process - which is more paperwork.  I'm also trying to sort out my money in regards to my other Benefits fuck up, so trying to sort my Rent and Council Tax.

Plus, I hurt.  My foot is hurting, my hands are killing me from the crutches, my "good" leg keeps cramping, and on top of all that, the lack of sleep has sapped the last of my energy levels, so I'm just hurting.

Thanks to all this, I've kept to myself mostly for the last couple of days - Kellie has a lot on her plate at the moment, and I don't feel right offloading on my other friends out there, so I'm just dealing with it myself.  It's also the reason 0ddness has been quiet - I feel like a broken record at the moment, moaning about hurting, moaning about paperwork and stuff, missing Bethy...

Plus, I'm a crappy friend to everyone at the moment, and the last thing I feel right doing is Boo-Hooing to someone.

Jaysen has just come back from the bakers - I needed some bread, and he bought me a lump of bread pudding with his own money "to make me happy"  Bless him.

Hopefully, the kids will go to bed like good kids tonight (unlike last night), and I can have an early night.  I am still alive, just hiding under my rock while I get things sorted.  Again.  Or is it still...

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9 Responses to “Down Down Down...”

Posh Totty said...

No words of wisdom, just loads of (((((huggles)))) comming your way Xxx

Sage said...


Anonymous said...

Oh Dan, dear Dan. Life can be so crapp!

Everything bites you on the bum when you’re feeling low. It will pass, honest - and once you’re body heals a little, you’ll be giving the benefits agency hell. Have more bread pudding.

Isn’t there anyone who can give you a hand until you’re off your crutches?

Anonymous said...

bad friend to us what utter piffle *spanks Dan gently*

oodles of big comfy hugs & a bottle of some weird alcohol to share :)

hmmm damn you scatterbrain now I want bread pudding!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear everything is getting on top of you at the mo. We send hugs. And suggest the bread pudd isn't that hard to make (therefore lots can be nommed in the presence of your home)

The Random One said...

Jaysen sounds like such a sweet kid.

Hopefully some of it will pass soon enough.

And, Mmmm, bread pudding.

debbie said...

Oh honey,, I hate it when your like this, you have great kids there hun,, sorry your still in pain but as to Bethy,, its still early days hun your going to have your bad moments and bad times, who wouldn't.,, but you do cope better hun,,

as for being a crap friend, will I knew you were grumpy by non reply to text,, but if you wanna offload fireaway, sure any one will listen to you


Anonymous said...

oh hunny, try to smile,, , xx

love from cassie x

Nancy Jensen said...

You have such sweet kids, you know that? Give Tam and Jaysen ((hugs)) from me and then have them give you hugs from me as well.

I don't have many words of wisdom but just to hang in there and know that many people care about you.