Some days, I feel a bit icky.  Some days, I feel pretty pants.  Other days - say, for example, today - I feel like crap.  Crap thrown on a fire, then beaten out with a shovel.

To be fair, I've had a couple of rather busy days, and on top of that, I had a really rough night.  I can't say I had a bad night of sleep, because that would insinuate that I actually slept.  I kept drifting off, then popped awake again, only to toss and turn for half an hour or more and then drifting off once more.

This repeated all night long, and in the end, I just pushed myself out of bed and set about trying to wake up.  And thus, today, pants city.

It's hard to explain to people what and how I feel when I have off days.  "Tired" doesn't cover it - it's more a constant, numbing exhaustion.  It takes every effort to walk, to move around, to do anything.  And it's not just a physical exhaustion...  On days like today, holding a conversation, trying to read, watch a movie - even writing this blog post.  I find myself re-reading or completely forgetting what I was doing.  For example, I started this post just after ten this morning - and it took me half an hour to do the first two paragraphs.

Added with the back problem as well, there is pain...  Exhaustion and Pain are not a good mixture, and while I am pushing myself onwards through the exhaustion, I am hurting underneath it.  The pain is in my back, my butt, down my legs.  And I get pain in the strangest places.  Telling someone your shins hurt, or you've got pain in your collarbones, usually you get a funny look.

This isn't including the forgetfulness, nor the feeling of simply not being bothered with anything.  I have some washing up and some laundry to do.  I can't be bothered.  I should hoover, but can't be bothered.  It's so hard to explain...  Especially when I'm not completely with it.

So, in a bit, I shall be putting the TV on, having a coffee and taking some meds.

Anyways and Otherwise...  Yesterday as SOME of you might have been told, it was my 32nd birthday!  Whooo go me for making it another year!  As usual, I kept it quiet and didn't shout about it as I hate fuss.  Being the center of attention, having people watching me and suchlike, brings me out in a cold sweat, so I avoided it, and told those that did know to not worry.

Mum came over on Tuesday with cards and pressies, and yesterday I spent the day with Kellie, where I was spoiled and well looked after.  We chilled some, had some drinks (Jack Daniels for breakfast!), and then she took me out for lunch.  I had such a good day I was completely chilled out over the evening.  Got Tam home and played around with her for a few hours.  Had a couple of coffees with Ruth, then got the kids to bed and sat chilling for a little while.

So, to everyone that sent messages, mails or contacted me on Facebook, thank you for your wishes.  I am now 32, another year wiser and maturing like a fine cheese... hehe

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3 Responses to “Rough...”

The Sween! said...

Belated birthday wishes!

Anonymous said...

Glad your day went well. Like the last line, cheesy! :-D

Nancy Jensen said...

Dude, you have FIBROMYALGIA! I have it and I feel like you... especially when you said that your collarbones hurt - that's where I hurt the worst, usually... although my arms, hands, shoulders and hips hurt about as much too. Sometimes my legs and back will hurt but not as much as the aforementioned places. My reumatologist told me that as soon as I told her that my collarbones hurt, she knew I had it. Look it up and ask your doctor. I know you've had ongoing back problems before these new ones showed up but the brain fog and feeling "pants" is how I feel most of the time. Fatigue doesn't even describe the feeling. All part of the fibro. And yes, men can get it too.

Other than that, I'm glad you had a great birthday. So far mine is going well.... I hope I can get some sleep as it's almost 4am and I haven't been to bed yet.