I have just seen the following paragraph on Sky News, relating to the sinking of the Costa Concordia. As I read it - this one single paragraph - I couldn't help but shake my head:

Passengers aboard the Costa Concordia have been offered €11,000 (£9,184) compensation for lost baggage and psychological trauma after the ship deviated from its route, hit a rock and capsized.
Now, in regards to the compensation, I am sure most will not see that as enough, and bet your their bottom dollar, everyone takes their arses to court for more. The fact they are trying to settle so quickly says to me that they want as many to accept NOW and not have time to think about it.

Secondly, "Psychological Trauma" - is that posh speak for OhFuckWe'reGoingToDie while stood on a ship that is blatently sinking, but the crew don't seem to know what's happening.

Next, "Deviate from its route" - I suspect that is polite terminolgy for "The Captain is a Knobhead that was showing off and instead of being four miles off the coast, was 300 yards off the coast" PLUS it seems to suggest the ship itself did it, not someone in charge showing off.

The last bit is the one that makes me properly chuckle - "hit a rock" Now, a rock, to me, is what the girls stash in their bedroom when they find pretty ones. This thing in the side of the ship does not constitute "a rock"

Let's take a look at a picture of this "rock" shall we:

Now, to REALLY appreciate this, you need to click that to embiggen it. See that big, long diagonal surface? The little black thing about half-way along, that is a PERSON. Saying this is "a rock" is like saying the blast at Hiroshima was "a bit noisy"

And that's just the part of it we can SEE... Goodness knows how much is IN the ship.

As you can tell, I'm a little loopy on my meds and exhaustion this afternoon. But, being that I am a kind soul, I shall re-write the paragraph for Sky..
Passengers aboard the Costa Concordia have had a measly €11000 (£9184) bribe offered to them to get them to shut up, under the guise of compensation for losing their shit, and for having the absolute bejeezers scared out of them after the ship was piloted by a complete idiot without half a brain cell, who then proceeded to attempt to dent the planet with his little boat, and ultimately managed to flip the bastard over.  Twat.
Granted, it may not be short and sweet, but it IS to the point. Otherwise, it would read
LOL company bribes passengers after their captain nearly killed them by crashing their ship by trying to go off-road
Yes, bored. Tired. Paining.

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One Response to “Understatement...”

Anonymous said...

I think you should get them sacked and do their jobs for them