Breakfast Racism

Way back in the dim distant past that will go down as "January 2012" I posed a question relating to breakfast meats. Why SHOULD the pig get all the fame and glory for breakfast? What makes the pig so special that his bacon, his sausages, his ham - why are THEY available at 6am, but a roast chicken is not?

Why can't I have beef covered in gravy while I read the morning papers?

Somehow - and, being that this is me, the King of the Wild Tangents - Twitter this morning was filled with the same conversation. Apart from one mentioning "Fried Burger Sandwiches" for breakfast, and another admitting they have chicken and fish, no one gave a valid excuse as to why we couldn't have a roast dinner at breakfast time.

I will put a side note in her for fans of The Fish. Yes, kippers and mackerel are OK breakfast dishes, but they are acceptable at breakfast times, just not popular.

So, being that I am bored, in pain and, MOSTLY because I am ABANDONED and UNATTENDED I decided I would find out WHY these foods are not acceptable at breakfast time.

Kellie is at her mums at the moment. Her mum is having her walls replastered, so Kellie is sitting there while mum is at work, which leaves me here. Alone. Bored. Bored AND Alone.

Never a good combination when you're me. So, I send Kellie a text, partly to ask permission, partly because it's going to happen regardless, but at least this way, she is "Part" of the decision making process. If it all goes wrong, she SAID I could.
Me:
I am not mad.
But.
Would you have any issues with me cooking a full roast dinner?
For breakfast?
In a couple of weeks?
Like I say, I am not mad.

Kellie:
Any particular reason, apart from your not being mad?

Me:
Well, being that I am NOT mad, it's in the name of science. Why can Pork control the breakfast table, and why CAN'T we have a roast lamb dinner for breakfast one Saturday morning?
It's all VERY scientific, thus making me not mad.

Kellie:
OK, on the continent they have a wide range of meats on their breakfast table, not just pork. Can you not draw from that?
Also, any reason why it has to be a full roast dinner, why not a lamb chop, black pudding, piece of steak and fried potatoes.....?

Me:
One, we are not on the continent. Plus they don't have full roast dinners for breakfast.
Two, ah, I went off on a tangent and decided an English Breakfast with a lamb chop was just boring, and why CAN'T you have rosemary roast spuds for breakfast too :D

Kellie:
Whatever you say darling. The one thing I feel you haven't considered is that if you want a full road for breakfast, you will have to start cooking at about 4am.... Xx

Me:
If I do all the prep work the night before, 6am start for a 10am breakfast!

Kellie:
OK, if it makes you happy darling, you go ahead..... I still think you're mental.... X

Me:
I am not mad!

Kellie:
I didn't say mad, I said mental.... X

Me:
I want to cook my family a meal, that's not mental, that's loving and considerate!

Because at this point I had her up against the ropes, she stopped talking to me. She clearly knew I was right. She was silent right up until she appeared on Twitter about ten minutes later:
Kellie Castleman @KellieCastleman
Will you lot stop putting ideas into @0dd1 head, he is impressionable and I now have a full roast dinner to look forward to for breakfast!!

I am slightly confused, as she tells them to stop, then says she's looking forward to it. Strange girl.

But I digress. I am now planning to do this, all in the name of SCIENCE and to see why it is not acceptable to have a roast dinner for breakfast. None of this pre-cooked-frozen-just-reheat milarky either. No no no, home made roast spuds and sausage meat stuffing balls, yorkshire puds, peas, sweetcorn and Brussels sprouts, and a slab of roast lamb, complete with Mint Sauce and Gravy.

I am also going to insist we eat in our Pyjamas. Or boxers and dressing gown is the case for some of us.

I will get everything ready the night before - spuds peeled and chopped and ready to go, veggies in pans, meat herbed and basted, so when I get up at six, I can get the meat on, then the spuds and stuffing, then all the veg, so hopefully it'll be ready for 10am. What I have FAILED to tell her, that a nice roast dinner breakfast will ALSO have a nice dessert. I am thinking Cheesecakes, or maybe a Gateaux... But we shall see.

Once and for all, I will find out WHY we can't have big roast meals at breakfast times. It's science, and it's proving things once and for all.

It also says another, unrelated statement: Never leave Dan on his own for any amount of time.

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3 Responses to “Breakfast Racism”

David Phillips said...

This is a great idea - I am well up for taking part in the Great Breakfast Experiment of 2012!

Sign me up for a full roast lamb dinner with plenty of mint sauce...

InsomniacMedic said...

Does this mean that on the day in question you're also going to have a full-English for dinner???

And I agree with Kellie. You're mental.

Jennifer said...

My weird 13 year old and my 10 year old would join you, my 7 year old has more sense!