If you read back over 0ddness, you will see YEARS of medical updates, all containing aches and pains, all containing frustration, all with various symptoms and problems I have suffered. For years I have fought for someone - anyone - with a medical license to say to me "Here you go, Mr English, here is what is wrong, this is what is causing it, and this is what we're going to do about it."
Twelve years. My oldest child is not long thirteen years old. There's some perspective for you.
Over these years, I have had comments, statements, open mocking, complete disregard - everything, with very few people standing on MY side of the line saying "No, he IS ill, there IS something wrong with him"
Changing my GP a few years back was quite probably the best thing I could have done. My doctor, for want of a better phrase, is the absolute best bloody doctor ever. He has listened to me over the years - even more than you, dear reader - and never once poo-poo'd or disregarded me as a scrounger as some people have done.
Over the years, he has put me through test after test, tried medications on me from a small dose and built me right up to see if it helps. He has researched for me, checked me, listened to me - been a DOCTOR.
As of last week, he has officially decided that I am going to see a specialist. I have to have a blood test, then he is referring me to the Chronic Fatigue/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) specialist at Southend Hospital. I sat with him last week and told him how bad I have been of late - pain, tiredness, fed up, unable to do so many simple things - and that the Pregabalin doesn't seem to be doing anything for me any more. He went through everything, and decided that yes, there were not real results in the pain killer, I had given it a good shot, but now it was time for the big guns...
So finally, I feel like I am getting somewhere. Do I "want" this? No, not at all. I would rather be a happy, healthy, do-what-I-want-when-I-want kinda person, not wonder if I will suffer for it for the next three days. Do I wish I could pick up a new book and read it, knowing I will take it in, or do I just re-read books I've already read as they don't confuse me as much. But to finally get a reason, a cause, a diagnosis and, ultimately, direct help that I need, then yes, I want this. I want someone to say "Take this tablet, and you will feel better"
Do I EXPECT that? No, not at all. I have friends that suffer from ME, and know there is no magic bullet that will fix things, but to get help and advice? Recognition that I DO have something and am not scrounging off the system like some think, that is a bloody good start for me, thank you.
Downside - I have to have a blood test this week, but this is the one that will show there ISN'T something else going on in this stupid arse body, and they will take me on.