various rambling stuff

matter the first - me. my insomnia is getting worse and worse. i've actually been to a doc about it and am now keeping a track of my sleeping pattern... the longest sleep i've had in the last week or so has been three hours. as i write this, it's 2am and i have yet to sleep.

but enough about that - tis the season!

the kids have been juiced on excitment all day, and asked at about midday if they could go to bed. funny, we said no. now - nearly 2am - they have FINALLY fallen asleep, so santa has only just left, burping on milk and mince pie... the reindeers BANANA is stashed away for when they are hungry tomorrow...

this time of year is just so manic and so bloody commercialised. i give it three, maybe four weeks before our local hypermarket (it's big) has easter eggs in. i kid ye not. mid-january last year. i don't even know when easter is next year - heck, i don't even know what weekday my own birthday falls on! if i see easter eggs before feb 1st - i will get a picture as proof!

so yes - been busy - hence the big gap in the blog. this year is manic for us, not just for xmas - oooh no - we have birthdays too! from november 30th to january 31st, we have 12 birthdays to deal with - 5 between december 24th and december 31st - what the heck is that all about!?

and as the year is closing up, i've really only got one comment - 2004 had better be a LOT fecking better, or i am writing to the management. this last year has been so crap, yet i can only point on a few items - the first being the death of my stepdad out of the blue. that was the end of june, and people say "it gets better with time" but has it? mum still cries all the time, i keep thinking about john for no reason - it just seems surreal to me still. me and my sis sorted out all the paperwork in the house to help out, and that was really difficult. most things were in order a couple of weeks before he passed away, and we still believe he knew - he knew damn well what was coming. just seemed to be one thing after another.

then there was jodies miscarriage. that hurt almost as bad, i still don't know if i've "dealt" with it yet, but i'm not sure how to deal with something i dont understand. i've READ about stuff on the net, but that's not the same thing. jodie it hit hard, but she knew the touch, the flutter of the little wiggler, but i didn't. i knew i had created a child, but after jodie bled, then what? i feel like i am mourning a ghost.

christmas cheer. nothing like it eh?

anyway - buck up me laddio. i think more than anything the last few weeks have gotten to me due to lack of sleep. you should see me - i have blue eyes - around the OUTSIDE! i look like i've done 10 rounds in a boxing ring with George "Poke Out Your Eyes" Smith... I don't feel particually tired, but i am grumpy, snappy, irritable and yawning! so come new year, no doubt i get more fun drugs from the doc! hehehe

so - here's to a very very merry christmas to you, and wishing you a happy and healthy new year! no doubt i will be back on here before then, but still :D have a good one, stay safe, don't drink and drive!

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