Huff and Puff

Things are getting there - apparently very slowly, but getting there none the least. Mum and Nan are still total wrecks, and The Gold Digger is still making all these very helpful hints like "The garden is a big selling point"... Don't understand how people can be like that, but hey - I know what he's getting from the will, so he can take his comments and shove them quite frankly.

We've tried to explain to the kids that their Great Grandad has died, and while both are upset, they aren't completely up on the subject, and so they know he is gone, but don't understand why he's not coming back.

I feel like crap. I'm tired and drained, fed up, and every time I close my eyes, I see the Paramedic crew giving my grandad chest compressions as they moved him from the ambulance, shirt and jacket cut off revealing his chest, and his hair everywhere. Everyone told me I should go and see him, either once they pronounced, or once he is at the Chapel of Rest, but I can't. I don't want to see him like that. My Grandad never took a nap, never had a rest if he was busy, he got stuff done, so I will remember him up a ladder refelting a roof, or in the garage building something or improving something, not laying in a suit in a coffin.

It affects us all differently I suppose. Still no word on when the funeral will be, but the coroner did call us and explained the cause of death. Some kind of massive clot, that there was nothing he could have done about, but on the other hand, when it stuck in the valve, that was it, lights off. He didn't have any pain, no sudden feeling of sickness, literally it stuck, he died.

It also means that the people that tried to bring him back with CPR would have never done it. The neighbour that was first on the scene tried her hardest and was beating herself up that she did something wrong, and the paramedics tried and tried, and they tried in the hospital as well, to no avail.

Paperwork City is slowly being demolished, with companies being told he has passed away. So far, no problems, and most have sent their condolences, and all but the bank have been happy to make the change over the phone - not that we expected any of them to do it without a copy of the death certificate, especially the bank, but it makes things a little easier.

On with the grind I suppose... We'll see what happens, and I am sure that despite the ache in our hearts, we shall emerge from the otherside in one piece.