People! GAH!

I have long been an advocate of "People Are Stupid". You get a random group of X people, and they generally act in a herd-mentality. Individual people are fine, but groups are inherrantly stoopid. Take today. We partook in my least favorite activity after inserting red-hot needles into my eyes, that of shopping. People just shuffle along at a monotone pace, pausing to take something from the shelf and putting it into the trolley.

Then the loudspeaker kicks in. "Something reduced at Aisle Blah". The herd mentality then becomes survival of the fittest because bread has had eight pence knocked off the price. These people KNOW the value of money, and eight pence is bugger all.

And then there are the "Some Individuals Are Stupid". When in a shop, I look at what I want, and to look, I use this bulbous things in my head called eyes. WHY do people insist on TOUCHING and SQUEEZING everything?! "Ooooh bread rolls" squeeze-squeeze... "Fruit!" squeeze squeeze. "Cheese!" squeeze squeeze. Today in the shop I SWEAR the Squeezing Brigade was in full effect. Now, to me, "Fresh Bread" marked with a "Use By Date" of five days from now, that says "This bread is fresh, trust me." However, the Sqeeze Brigade have to mush up the first five loaves, and THEN take a loaf they don't squeeze. I saw one old fart crushing a bag of donughts, and quite blatently, the fricking things burst, oozing Jam on the inside of the bag, leaking out the bag and onto the shelf... He then turned to his wife and annouced "Don't get those ones, they are leaking."


And Bananas. Now, I MAY be colourblind, and being able to tell a Ripe (Yellow) from an Unripe (Green-ish) MIGHT be a challenge. But with the afore-mentioned standard feature of EYEBALLS I can read "Fresh Ripe" or "Ripen at Home". But OOOOOH NO, not the Squeeze Brigade. They squeeze the snot out of them. No wonder the bananas I always buy end up looking like King Kong sat on them. Bananas are a soft fruit - they bruise easily. It's like squeezing a bowl of jelly - it will mess it up.

If you are a Product Squeezer, please take this into consideration. Would you like me to come in and squeeze the food in your cupboard? No? Then don't bloody do it to all the other food in the store! If you have to touch, then fondle your partners bottom, or put your hands in your pocket. I don't want some greasy hand print all over my food - you probably had a wee and didn't wash your hands anyway! How about I piss on your shopping?

And please, don't even get me started on the old biddies at the bus stop whining about the wind we have here in Essex. Ooooh 15-20mph. The north of England is getting the tar blown out of them by 100mph+ winds: they are missing their roof, their walls, their fences, their satellite dishes - and we've got carrier bags rattling in trees!

I need a coffee.

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