January 15th

As most of you know, and as I already said, yesterday - the 15th - would have been Bethy's 5th birthday. Surprisingly, it wasn't quite as bad as I expected it to be. As we didn't know what was going to happen, Jo's mum had Jaysen and Tamsyn from Saturday afternoon, so me and Jo could do our own thing, chill out and what not. As usual, we had a late night, and Sunday, I woke up feeling... I don't know. "Pretty Good" doesn't sound right, as I was sad, but it was a sadness with a smile, of the memories of Bethy, what she gave us, and what she contributed to the world.

Jo woke up, and she too was in a good frame of mind, and had some sad smiles. I don't know about Jo, but I went into Bethys room and wished her a happy birthday and had a little cry to myself, but all in all, the morning was fine. It was calm, it was peaceful, and me and Jo felt pretty good, all things considering.

We had been invited to go to Jo's parents for Sunday Dinner, and as we didn't know if we would fancy it, we left the invitation open, but decided to go. It was nice - Jaysen was good as gold, Tam was all smiles and cuddles, and Jo decided to get some more work done on her tattoo, and had "Bethy" written beneath her punky fairy thing, in a kind of tribal fashion, and it looks the business. She also had another tattoo done on her back, which I will take a pic of and upload once it's healed.

Anyways, not everyone was in the good frame of mind we were, but we didn't let them bring us down. Who knows, today might be another crappy day, but we're through the other side of the 15th.

I look back five years ago, through everything we went through with Bethy, and realise this time five years ago, Bethy was a day old, in intensive care, us having no idea what to expect in the future. People all around the world were rooting for her even before she became Bethy, and followed her life story through mail, web and telephone.

I just wish I could have had more time with her... More than four years.

I See You Baby...