So, er, yeah...

So here I am again. And where have I been? You know, I am not too sure myself. "Stuck in a Rut" doesn't do it justice. "Head Buried in the Sand" and "Hiding in the Corner" would be more apt, but still, here I am. I can pinpoint the exact moment I fell down again, and it was seeing Bethy's garden last month. I don't even know why - as stupid as this sounds, I know she's gone, I know where she is in body and in spirit, and I don't expect her to walk into the room and start dancing. It's not a case of "sudden realisation" in seeing her grave, so what is it?

I wish I knew.

For the last month, I've just been doing nothing. Not checking my mail, not reading blogs, not checking the webcomics. I'm half-way through decorating the kitchen (which I stripped out), and I'm keeping busy with gardening and housework. I go to a friends for coffee every other day or so and hide there for a few hours, and I play Warcraft every now and then. I can't pinpoint what has changed, nor why I am so apathetic to everything. I need to get my head back on track.

Tomorrow I'm going to start on my email games once again and get them back on track. Once again I've let them slip and it pisses me off to do so, but they are the first thing to suffer when I have a bad time of things. And every time I check my mail, I swear there is another little kiddy somewhere in the world struggling through heart surgery.

Other than that, all is quiet in the house. We've had an invasion of ants which I think I've driven back, and the kitchen is currently being redecorated. Jaysen has been off school this week on half-term break, and is back tomorrow - all of June, half of July, and then it's the 6-weeks summer holiday. After that, he's going up to Juniors. Time flies eh. Tam is growing like a weed, still refusing to talk but makes her intentions and demands very clear. She's into grabbing anything within reach that isn't hers, plus moving chairs to climb up on worksurfaces and tables is a new hobby she loves. We hate it. A friends kids have chicken pox, so we're watching Tam for the spots, but I've never had it, and have felt a bit icky the last couple of days, so that should be an interesting development...

So, hopefully I will get myself back into gear over the next few days, once I start posting for games and blogging more again.

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One Response to “So, er, yeah...”

Debbie Ware (Ellis) said...

Hi Dan,

Nice to see you back, all be it for a short while, and Dan, No one expects you to be on top of the world all the time, what you did last month was hard for you to do, it was a place that you had never been to since the funeral itself, and you would have gone in your own time, but to attend another funeral and see Bethys Garden is damn hard.. but you did it, whether you go again is up to you,, but I feel its more shock than anything else and a bit of reality too but thats in the subconcious part of your mind..

Any way hope you haven't got chicken pox cause it can be horried when you are older, also that would mean staying away from Gem and baby when it comes, Uncle Dan that has a nice ring to it too..

Love
Debbie

Take care