Return of the Spammer

So, you might recall last week, I decided to reply to another spammer. They annoy me, they irritate me - what better use of my resources than to waste their time as they've wasted mine! Toya Diawara has access to several millions of cash that he wants, but can't clear in his country, so he emailed me to help him! My goodness, how lucky! All I need to do - apparently - is provide him with some information, and we'll clear the money into my accounts, then share it.

The thing is with this scam, is that "something" always crops up, and usually requires me to A) Fly to where-ever he is, and B) Send him several thousand pounds of my money before it can be cleared. They then vanish with my bank, credit card, passport and personal details, I'm broke and in trouble for committing fraud, and they've got my identity.

The Diawara chap actually replied to me though!

As I said he would, he changed his email address for "communication" purposes, which Thunderbird immediately flagged as Spam. And he's now using a Yahoo.co.uk account - he's gone from Ireland to the UK, even though he's down in deepest darkest Africa. He's also sent me "proof" in the form of scans of the certificates of contract as well as a very very obviously fake ID with a very very crap photo, and ID card that looks like it's been typed in Paint.

So anyways, his email:

Date: Wed, 3 Jan 2007 23:58:48 -0800 (PST)
From: Toya Diawara
Subject: INFORMATION FROM MR.TOYA DIAWARA
To: dan.junk@blueyonder.co.uk

Dear Dan,

Greetings and thank you for your prompt response to my mail.The information I ave passed on to you is a privileged information. My motive in this matter is clear as I am seeking for your cooperation in the retrieval of a this outstanding contract payment due to the late that was made by late Bruce English for a contract which he executed for the Government of Ivory Coast years back.I decided to undertake this assignment based on the premises that justice must be carried out and considering the fact that I cannot undertake this alone, I decided to confide in you and seek for your assistance to accomplish this matter. As We proceed,we will be in a position get more insight on this process of the funds transfer when you must have established communication with the bank.

I have taken note of your interest and at this time, I want to let you know that the late Bruce English was originally from your country who long migrated to the the Europe before finally coming to settle here in Africa. Though I do sincerely believe that you might not be related to my late client, but I find it convenient to contact you due to the urgency of the matter as we are running a race against time in order to prevent the public trustee from liquidating the outstanding payment if it is not claimed within the stipulated time as they have indicated in their notice to the probate registry of the high court of justice. I am not in any form or manner seeking to gain access to your personal account information and from my calculations, the transaction will take about 2 weeks to be completed.

The Ivorian home office in conjuction with the bank where this cash is deposited have agreed on a resolution and have jointly mandated the probate registry to provide his next of kin for the claiming of this outstanding payment or run the risk of forfeiting the funds to the Board of Public Trustee by invoking a clause on Property Act, after the expiration of a period given to me. At the point of desperation, I came across your name/email, while trying to locate documentation's regarding possible relatives of the late contractor and convinced that you may be able to act in locus for the late contractor as his next of kin and get approval for the immediate release of this outstanding contract funds to you.

It is good that you share the same view with me that we cannot allow the sweat of a man to pass over to the Board of Public Trustee when there are avenues that we can use to avert such an end. The onus is on me to establish that you are capable of acting as a proxy here to the deceased. The most important thing here is to ensure that there is adequate trust and transparency in all we are doing concerning the release and further transfer of this funds by the bank. It is important that I let you know that you are my last hope of salvaging something here.

I knew the late Bruce English for well over twelve years as we were close confidantes, I assisted him in setting up a brokering firm here in Abidjan in 2000 and ever since then we grew closer. I must be frank with you that I had never met any of his relations and he in turn was quite comfortable here. As a matter of fact he was well settled here, like most other expatriates of American, Asian and other European origin and was prospering in his comercial endeavours. Until his death he was residing at 2 Rue Fleming, Zone 4, Abidjan. He was aged 62, when he met his demise. I have been on this matter ever since and initiated a several searches to locate a well meaning relative of the deceased that will assist in the retrieval and reparation of the funds of the late contractor, but all my efforts were unfruitful until I came accross your name.

Concerning the immediate matter at hand, I was a witness when the late contractor signed a contract award certificate with the ministry of works and housing here in Abidjan and upon completion of the contract, he was paid a first instalment of US$25 Million. Months before his untimely death, he was paid US$13million to bring the payment to the total amount of US$38 million which was the total value of the contact which was awarded to him.This over invoiced outstanding amount of US$16.8 Million is what is remaining to be paid but this has not been accomplished because no relative of the deacesed contractor came forward for the claims of the funds.

The deposit has long matured for transfer but the bank wants a possible relative to come forward as a witness for the final payment of this outstanding contract funds. Considering the limited time we have in this matter, to make our case in this matter, I will like us to move with urgency in other to rescue the funds.The issue is that it pays more for us to pursue the matter as I have proposed than losing entirely to the Public Trustee, who will seize or in their own term "absorb" the entire estate of the late contractor, a substantial windfall for both the government and the bank officials. The success of this transaction is our collective responsibility and I propose that we set aside 10% of the total mEnglish and share to various charities while we share the remaining 90% 50 - 50. Let me know your suggestion on this.

After the death of the contractor, the management of the bank has sent several notices to the Ivorian Ministry of works to locate his next of kin who should come forward of the claims of this funds, but no success was made.I had to reason very professionally and I felt it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of the deceased contractor and the sole beneficiary of the outstanding contract funds. The rest is between you and I and with my guide we can have you claim this funds by standing as the next of kin to the contractor, once this is done we shall both continue the search to locate any of the deceased relative but what matters most at this time is the safety of the funds.

I have attached to this email message,copies of the contract award certificate and the contract completion certificates including my identity just to assure you that this is a legitimate business offer as we are not going to face any problems making the claims. The documents are essentially adequate for this transaction. Upon reciept of your next mail, in which I expect you to include more information about yourself such as residential address, age, marital status and present occupation, I will then give you the contact information of the bank where this outstanding contract payment is currently lodged so you can contact the bank for further verifications thereof.

Best Regards.

Mr. Toya Diawara
Tel: +22508485076




The interesting thing I noticed about this, was the fact that this type of spam usually grants the good guy (me) 10% of the amount, while the bad guy (him) runs off with the rest to live happily ever after. They've changed their tactic it would seem. He wants to give 10% to charity, and split the rest 50/50. What a kind and generous spammer. So, like the good person that I am, I have assisted and aided Mr Whats-His-Face, and replied to him. And yes, duh, these are not my real details that I am sending him. The address is part-made up, part the makers of my antidepressants!
Dear Mr Diawara,

My thanks for your prompt reply, and my apologies for taking so long - this time of the year is very busy with family and friends, not to mention the financial strain from Christmas and New Year.

On to the matter at hand, I am aware that this is indeed privilaged information, and will not mention it to friends nor family until it's completion. I am sure my wife will be most happy to see several million dollars appear in her bank account! As to this man - Bruce English - would it be possible for you to tell me more about him? He sounds like an interesting man, and it IS possible I am related to him as several members of my extended family moved to Africa several years ago, though I don't know the specifics about them.

As for the monies, I am sure I will be able to help you in any way that I can. Are you certain, however, that the government will not ask for direct proof of Kinship? To claim to be someones relative here in the United Kingdom, you must undergo legal documentation as well as interviews and even a Blood Test to match relatives DNA. I would not be surprised that your government would try their hardest to keep hold of such a large sum of money. I agree that we cannot allow someone else to claim this money, a man that clearly worked for the people, but I worry that doing so will get yourself and indeed me, into a serious amount of trouble.

As for my personal information, considering you have given me yours, I am happy to share. Everyone calls me Dan, but my full first name is actually Danielson. Danielson Robert Dwyat English is the name on my birth certificate. I live at The Apartment, Apotex House, Titanium Road, Reading, Berkshire, RG1 4PS. I am 38 years old, married to an American woman, and have five children ranging from 3 years to 17 years of age - Kindergarten to College. I work six days a week in my own business, that of Domisticated Engineering, assuring the day-to-day workings of households and the wellbeing of several members of staff as well as our customers.

Now that the formalities are out of the way, what is there that needs to be done?

Yours,

Danielson English
I occurs to me that I am in fact a really bad person, getting this poor chap all happy that someone is going to help him commit fraud on a massive scale! hehe I might have a poke around, see if there is some bureau to report it to in his country! hehe That'd be highly amusing...

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2 Responses to “Return of the Spammer”

Nancy said...

hahaha! You crack me up! I see that your poor wife has given birth to 5 children and yet YOU are the domesticated engineer... isn't that fancy for housewife? lol! Who is your staff? Sinny and Sally?

Yes, Dan, you are EVIL! I always knew it! lol

Awesome Mom said...

This is too freaking hilarious. I can't wait to see what he comes back with.