Almost One of Those Days

My life has been very tranquil of late. Mainly because there is very little that is actually getting to me, thanks to walking around like a grinning idiot for the most part. My life has become this really strange - in a good way - thing that I barely recognise.

I have a tan for heavens sake! NOT monitor burn, not lightbulb poisoning, but a real, bona fide Sun Tan.

Today, however, has kinda pushed my limits just a teeny bit. Nothing bad has happened, but it was borderline to me standing up, arming myself with a cricket bat, and fighting the zombie hordes in those around me.

I should have know it'd be a good one when one of the kids left a rather sharp-and-pointy toy car on the landing last night. I stumbled out of bed, and was subsquently run over by the afore-mentioned car. It got off relatively unscathed, but me, the pedestrian, suffered serious damage to my ego. Oh, and a cut toe. Ouch. Not the best way to wake up.

Then I couldn't understand why the kettle wouldn't boil for a coffee. I kept clicking the switch on it, checking it was seated correctly, checked the socket was turned on, checked the water level wasn't too low. Fifteen minutes it took me to figure out the plug in the socket was for the tumble dryer, and that the kettle plug was sitting on the work top waving at me.

Then the school run was fun, as Ruth couldn't leave at the same time as me... So I had to do the school run with a 15-16 year old brother of some of the kids, but for the most part, I was in charge. Jaysen and Tam. Ruths two girls. A friends girl that had to be taken in by us. The twins in Jaysens class. Their sister. Me, eight kids. You can imagine, right?

Then, finally, the chaos ebbed, and me and the Peanut jumped on the bus to Canvey to see Kellie. Except the driver had no idea what I meant when I asked for a "Canvey Rover" ticket. Every other bloody driver knew what I mean what I asked before now, but no no... So I had to explain I wanted a rover ticket, that let me travel TO and FROM Canvey Island.

The journey was dull and altogether too slow. Tam was good as gold for me, and we sat playing. I had Kellie stay at hers too - usually she has to meet me in order to guide me through the rabbit warren to her place, but I have solved it. So the first I saw of Kellie this morning was her greeting us at her front gate.

All that stuff - which I will gloss over to protect you lot - was very very good. The only downside to it all was she has germs. A sore throat, to be exact, and while she pressed on, over the day she slowly got more and more icky. So the germs had me all growly too.

Then Father Tim, the old bastard, decided to speed up the course of time so the hours and hours we had together lasted for around about seven microseconds. So, we left her place in plenty of time, she escorting us to the bus stop so we could say bye bye as I left. However, due to gravity and Tam wearing the worlds most diabolically evil shoes we had a minor mishap that resulted in a scraped knee, a really scraped elbow, and Daddy (In his new white tee shirt) getting covered in blood. But, with time still to spare - ten minutes - we arrived at the bus stop. Even told someone arriving after us that no, they had not in fact missed the bus.

I HATE when a bus is late. Even more so when it just doesn't show up at all leaving me watching the clock tick closer and closer and, indeed, closer to School Finishing Time. When it became apparent that I, the bad father, would not be at school in time, I got Ruth on the case so at least my son wouldn't be abandoned at the school gates. The next bus told us that the previous one was stuck a ways back... Out of petrol. HOW?! Surely the little arrowy-gaugey thing says "Fill Me Up Please!"

So the journey back to Basildon took forever. Then all the shitty school kids got on and pissed around. Shouting, yelling, effing and blinding (I'm allowed to swear on here, this is MY blog!) and pressing the stop button over and over. Me and Tam evacuated and headed to Ruth where my son was being held. I'd like to say he broke down when I arrived back, that he missed me, and was upset I had forgotten him... No, he sat eating his ice pole.

Ruth made me a coffee and the kids played. My two, her two, plus one... Then plus another when Alyce arrived with one of her, like, forty three kids ;)

Five of the PM rolled around, so we left for dinner, with the kids chattering at one another which became moaning, then whining then all-out fisticuffs. So Shouty Daddy had a moan and they cheered up. Salad, nibbly bits and tuna mayo for dinner, most of which got eaten. Then the scraps got knocked over. Sally won't clear up salad.

Pathetic mutt.

So I cleaned that up, went downstairs, washed up, came back up to find a previously unexploded mine had detonated under the kids toys, showering the entire lounge - desk and sofa included - with toys, dolls, lego, games, bits of bits, bits of bobs...

We spent an hour clearing up, only for Jaysen to "find" that the bin in the bathroom was humming. And I don't just mean it stank to high heaven... No no, it was breeding little flies. I have been seeing them in the bathroom for the last couple of days, but just assumed it was the damp curtain "bringing them in" but it turns out my delightful son has been hiding food he doesn't want in there... I pulled it out and nearly gagged.

Seriously, it smelled like a corpse under all the tissue and stuff he had padded it down with. Blergh. So that bag rapidly went THE HELL OUT, the bleach came out, the air freshener came out... I can still smell rancid grossness. I wouldn't mind if I could smell it before hand, and I am sure had Kellie noticed it day before yesterday, she would have said something.

Bed time then could not arrive fast enough, and once they were tucked into bed, I stumbled downstairs, exhausted...

And got hit by that fucking car again.

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5 Responses to “Almost One of Those Days”

The Random One said...

The worst part of this post was that you actually let her wear those horrid forms of footwear!

Poor thing.

debbie said...

sounds like you had a good day then huh, as for the car running you down, Pick it up next time you fuzzy loved up wotsit

The Sween! said...

Did you get the insurance details from the driver of the car? lol

Anonymous said...

I do believe that I being all wise and wisdomous (my new word), told u those shoes were evil and 2 get rid of them. Actually my words were give them 2 sally dog as a chew toy. Would u listen?

Dan said...

Random One: I know I know, but she loves them - BUT I didn't buy them for her... I'm currently checking with my legal team to see if it counts as child abuse :D

Deb: You'd think that was easy, but the stupid eff'ing thing is still on the landing floor!

Sween: The bastard didn't have plates! It's one of this Cruising Rude Boys from Southend tho, as it's got lights on it...

Anonylane: I know I know, and evil knows evil. But *I* didn't buy them! And besides, would you want to make poor Peanut all upset by losing her fav. shoes?