The Posh Palace

Having finally returned to the degenerated town of Basildon, I am had my feet up for a little bit, kids are put to bed and I've stolen some milkshake. My nerves are now settled enough to discuss the goings on of the weekend.

The journey up there was a breeze. What should have taken two and a half hours took just under two thanks to the wonders of trains being waiting for me as I arrived. Result. Of course, while heading up there and getting a text from Mand asking "where are you now" the only reply I could give at that moment, considering I was on a train in a strange county, not near anything resembling a village or town, with no one around me was "on the train".

I have been told there are aspects of the weekend I am not allowed to talk about, but nodding to someone and actually obeying... Well, different things really aren't they.

The biggest hamper on me personally this weekend was the Germs. Yes, that cold I shook off re-emerged Friday morning and by the afternoon I was all croaky and crap, something that got worse over the weekend. My manly voice was replaced by the sound of a lad who's voice is breaking.

First hurdle was meeting the hosts and their wee one who is a mini dynamo. That was fairly easy as I've spoken to Mand on messenger and the phone, and Jack on the phone a couple of times.

That evening, we drank fake Jack Daniels and played computer games. Which, I hasten to add, caused me to be beaten by a girl. However, just admitting that makes me even more manly. Some time between the hours of 2-3am we all started yawning and called it a night. I hit the sofa, staring at Mands dirty hole.

Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that..

Then the following day came more people. The first bring Jennifer who I'd never met. She, like me, was a Southerner so we were the "Common as Muck" brigade with constant smutty comments and taking the piss. A while later Lynzy and Bex turned up, a pair of northerners that sounded very, er, northern ;) So us southern sorts too the piss out of them for a while too.

With the troop assembled and the wee one shifted off to a grandmothers house, we started to drink, have a lot of laughs and drink some more. We hit the pub. We drank more. Four of us hit a club while the other two went back to the house. We continued to drink and things started getting very fuzzy and blurry. At one point I thought I was having some sort of seizure, but lo-and-behold, I was on a dancefloor. Bex is only tiny, but she MADE me do it.

Plus I was too pissed to care at that point ;)

We got a cab back to the Palace a little later on, and ordered delivered fast food. Burgers, Kebabs, Chips - that kinda thing. I remember eating it, I remember dropping it Mayo-Side-Down onto my mobile phone... The next thing I know, it's half seven and I am laying on a two-seat sofa with a duvet thrown over me. One girl asleep on the mattress on the floor, another on the big sofa.

I did the Post Heavy Night Of Drinking checks.

- Still fully clothed: Check
- No spill/splash marks on chest or legs: Check
- No lumps of food in nose: Check
- No hangover: Check
- No unexplained injuries: Check
- Check calls made on the mobile: Check
- Check messages sent on the mobile: Check

Being that I was dressed, albeit in last nights attire, I was able to sit up and not make a bigger fool of myself. No sign of sick, the world was completely stable and sounds didn't bother me - though Lynzy's phone with Jim Carey screaming "Alrighty Then!" made me defecate myself. Still, I had no Booze Bruises, and hadn't done anything silly on my phone. Except make it smell like a cheeseburger.

And that was this morning. We gradually got ready, some taking longer than others to do so. The Northern Girlies had to shift off early ish for their train back to the land of Coal Mines, Bitter and Whippets, so we said bye bye to them, had lunch, then me and Jennifer decided to head off too - we went together as we both needed London, so we continued our reign of terror down the spine of the country (well, more it's spleen).

Being as we got on the wrong carriage and got sick of trying to walk the length of the train against the flow of people, Jennifer decided we'd be EXTRA classy, and she paid for us to be upgraded to First Class. Wot wot wot. Two common-as-much sorts sitting in the first class carriage of a Sheffield-to-London train.

Of course, I think our laughing and less-than-quiet topics of conversation got us some funny looks, but still ;)

Once we arrived in London The St Pancras International, we strutted through the very posh area, browsing and perusing the stores till we had to part ways, and from that point on, the train system fought against me. There were massive delays and issues on the Circle Line - I think because of some party/protest thingie the night before, but the train was taking forever. In the end, I got off four stops early and walked for half an hour through London to where I needed to be.

Silly Underground.

Once I got to Fenchurch Street, it was clear sailing through again.

Got to Basildon, kidnapped the kids, walked home with them, got in, put away laundry, put on wash load from the weekend, put kids to bed, and now here I sit. Knackered.

Of course, being so tired, I am struggling to remember a lot of what went on, in what order. There are things I've been told I have to post about though...

- I did in fact lose on a computer game to a girl.
- I flaked out first in the house Saturday night.
- End famine in Africa by giving them all vibrators so they are having fun and not breeding, and thus not creating a strain on the food supplies.
- Mand does have a large dirty hole. That we all saw. And it's a bit flaky around the edges.
- Mand is better than me because she has a license, but kept having panic attacks while driving. And stalling.
- The first drink spillage was Mand, caused by her trying to hide from people while she SMOKED. And she kept stealing peoples cigs to smoke during the evening.
- Someone needed to re-dye their hair quite seriously
- Mand and Bex had a slight fight against gravity on the dancefloor. They lost.
- Jenny has one topic of conversation. Sex. It's all good.
- Bex decided to buy an airbed. No pump. Guess which spanner ended up doing the majority. I still think the previous attemptees didn't open the valve though.
- Me and Jenny being left at the Palace on our own. Long Distance phone calls, Pay Per View orders, rummaging through underwear draws.
- Lynzy trying to convince me that her land of Coal Mines and Bitter isn't quite true, and that they don't always make up words. Bex then asked if "anyone wants owt" Owt?!
- I got to meet the Posh Parents in the new family Posh Pub. The Fox and Hounds, Bedford. Very nice (See that, free advertising ;)
- Mand needs to clean up her bedroom.
- My laptop didn't get fixed. Have to phone Fujitsu-Seimens (*snigger*) and hope it's under warrenty.

I have a sneaking suspicion that others will be back here to correct me on my notes, and prolly add some to the list. But suffice to say, I had a bloody great time, everyone was most excellent and great fun, and can't wait for it to happen again!

Big thank you to Mand and Jack for putting up with me, plying with food and drink, and having a great time!