Advertising

Something that irks me (for I am irked) is adverts; the various everything that is plugged away on our TVs and Radios and even our Internets (if you don't have an adblocker that is!)  However, what irks me most about adverts, aside from their invasiveness, is the outright LIES they tell.

Case in point, last week while shopping, I was following my usual routine of "If it's on special offer..." when I came across a NEW! IMPROVED! toothpaste.  Not that something can be both new AND improved, but I digress.

Now, I'd seen the ad on the telly, about how they had harnessed the power of Oxygen to power through your mouth, and listened to the "members of public" say how they could feel it moving between their teeth, how they could feel it working and what-not.  I thought nothing of it, but, seeing a stack of them for 99p, AND considering toothpaste was on my list, I grabbed a tube.

When I came to using it, I was ready for fizzing, foaming bubbles - more than anything, I expected to look like a bloodthirsty rabid were-person, foam running down my face.

Though, to be fair, that's how I usually end up when brushing my teeth.

But this, I thought, would be different.  I wasn't overly worried about stuff powering between my teeth, or feeling it working.  It was all about the foam for me.

And let me tell you.  There was no Rabid-Dan.  There was no powering through the mouth.  No feeling it work.  It felt like I was brushing my teeth with toothpaste.  In fact, looking at the toothpaste itself, it actually appeared there was grit in it.  I suppose that's the harness power of Oxygen.

Which leads me to my point.  Kinda.  And the ickle image up on this post.  All Adverts Lie.

I drive Kellie nuts when we're sat down watching TV.  See, she watches the adverts, and sees adverts.  Me, however, I watch for the small print which most ads seem to come with these days, and they always make me chuckle.  And I always read them aloud.

The ones that really get me are the ones for you women-sorts.  "See how our silly brush and black dye can increase your lashes by a BILLION percent!" Followed by some washed up actress/model fluttering eyelashes that appear to be made from lead.  However, in the small print it reads:

Enhanced in Post Production.  Lash Inserts Used

Which, basically, should read as "We photoshopped the shit out of this image.  Also, these are fake lashes.  LOL."

Car adverts, Bank adverts, Foodstuff adverts, Holidays, Loans, I'm-Old-And-Don't-Want-To-Be adverts, I'm-A-Twat-That-Fell-Over-So-I'm-Suing adverts...  So many have small print, catches, clauses, addendums.

I love the ones where they say "The most popular THING of all THINGS!" and in the small print you get "According to a survey of 27 people, 89% agreed"  Twenty-Seven people?  That's less people than most school classes!  You get more people on a bus than they surveyed to see if their THING is the best of all THINGS!  It's like they interviewed people, and the first 23/24 said "Yeah, I like your THING" then the next few said, "Actually, I prefer their THING!" so to be safe, they stopped interviewing people.

It's no wonder I felt let-down by my toothpaste.