Mortified

mor·ti·fy   
–verb (used with object)
1. to humiliate or shame, as by injury to one's pride or self-respect.
Also, Mortified

Today in Asda, I experienced being Mortified.  As a rule, I don't like attention, I don't like doing silly things in front of people, and especially, I don't like attention because of silly things I do in front of people I don't know.

Today, however, was THAT day.

Jaysen is at Summer School, so me and Tam toddled into town and did some shopping.  Everything was going fine and dandy, right up to THAT POINT.  That Point was, in case you're interested, the moment I put a large bottle of blue bubble bath into the shopping trolley.

Being as how I forgot my shopping list again, I was aimlessly wandering up and down the aisles, looking for things I needed.  Smellies Section, Deodrant.  Hair Section, Shampoo.  Veg section, Salad bits. Fruit Section, apples and bananas...

"DADDY!" exclaimed Tamsyn, pointing at the front of the trolley while I was deciding on my apples.  Gala vs. Pink Lady... Choices choices...

I look to see what Peanut is pointing at, and see the pretty blue drool hanging from the trolley.  Down the front of it, over the wheels, into a nice pool where I've sat parked.  Oops.  "Asda Aces (Cleaners) To Aisle 10..." comes over the PA system.  I look up, and see I am in number seven.  I look behind me and see the trail of blue blobs, a testament to the route I have taken.

Oh please no...

A member of staff sees my trolley bleeding blue blood, and grabs some wads of tissues and helps me clean my pool.  "Asda Aces to Aisle 9.." echoes around me.  "I think that's you!" says the lady helping me.  A few minutes pass, people are passing me muttering about not being able to get to where they need to get.  Asda Aces to Aisle 8..."

Oh please please no no no....

The woman finishes up stemming the bleeding from the trolley, I am apologising profusely, and head away from the scene.  Into what can only be described as a scene of carnage.  Aisles 8, 9 and 10 are closed.  There are people in high vis jackets rushing around with mops, tissues, on their knees wiping and swirling.  "Attention all Asda Aces, please report to Aisle 9.  Machine Cleaner required..."  I look down the aisles, which are all now closed....  Boxes and yellow signs "Cleaning in Progress" blocking both ends, people moaning they need to get this or that...

Oh god please no no bloody no....

THEN someone I know bumps into me.  "Alright Dan, what's happening?"

I shrug and run.  I'm out of that shop SO fast Tam didn't know what was happening.

Then, as we stepped off the bus at my stop, three of my bags ruptured and cascaded my shopping all over the pavement...

I am now not leaving the house for fear of Lynch Mobs.

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2 Responses to “Mortified”

Laney said...

Hahahaha! Sorry Dan. :)

Posh Totty said...

I'm not laughing .... much ;o)