A Letter To The Human Race

Dear Human-kind,

I'm not sure this is the best forum to do this, but I have a confession to make.  Maybe a church would be the best place for it, however, I'm quite worried that by stepping into said-building, I might burst into flames or similar.

You see, I have committed a sin of such magnitude, they are going to add it as #8 on THAT list.  I have not committed murder, nor have I had thoughts of hate and revenge, nor have I been lusting after people I shouldn't.

No, this is much much worse.

After this is published, I will be collecting my fake documents, heading to Florida, and jumping on the next ship off this planet, in order to prevent every person on the planet rising up and tearing me to shreds.

All I can say is that I am sorry, so so sorry.  If I could change it, I would, but it is too late for that.  I was witnessed committing the atrocity, and now I fear word is already spreading of the deed.

I put the rubbish out this morning, and the man walking past at the time stared openly at me as I walked along the front path singing aloud.

I was singing Friday by Rebecca Black.

I bid you all farewell... Please know I am so so sorry.

-Daniel