Bastard Grannies!

If there is one group of trustworthy dispensers of cooker advice, it would be the oldies of the world.  The old biddies hobbling, stumbling, mobility scootering or falling around the world have lived through wars and rationing and hard times, so they know how to make do.

Now hold that thought.

Tonight for dinner, I am cooking one of Kellies favorite curries, a Chicken Dhansak (Dan Sack! hehehe) in order to blast the crappy germs from her insides.  One of the main ingredients is, per the recipe, a tin of Red Lentils.  Easy Peasy.  I head to Asda, get a load of other bits, but cannot find the tin of lentils.

So I resort to asking a random member of staff who heads to section I was in and looks around.  "We only seem to have dried lentils" she tells me, so I pick up the packet and have a look.  The recipe calls for 400g of tinned lentils.  The bag is 500g.

A little old lady beside me laughs,  "Oh you young single men...." she says to - I assume, me - as I am the only person in the aisle.  "You don't need the tinned ones, just get the dried ones and cook them up!" So I look at the packet again.  Add to pan, cover with cold water, boil for ten mins, simmer for thirty.

Clearly the hearing aid on her head is telepathic, as I am wondering "Is 400g of dry lentils the same as 400g of tinned...." and Granny pipes up.  "Just use the same amount you need to cook with" she tells me.  "I need 400g" I reply.  She takes the bag off me.  She cackles.  "Well, an extra 100g won't make a difference, just cook up the whole bag..."

So I head home, repeating over and over, just cook the whole bag...

I set about sorting dinner (it's early, but I like to get it all ready) and after chopping my veg, I sort the lentils.  I use one of our big pans, and start clearing up while they come to boil.

Have you ever seen a volcano blow its top? I hastily turn it down, and notice the water is almost gone already.  It's been boiling for a nano second.  I pour in a load of boiled water from the kettle.  I check the packet again.  Nope, nothing about being from the planet Mercury where water is non-existent.

I go up to a bigger saucepan, and add yet MORE boiling water.

Half an hour later, I have a large saucepan FULL of red lentils.  I'd flush them down the loo, if I didn't think it would dry up the worlds supply of water.

So, GRANNY.  Thank you for your advice - I can only assume it was intentionally given in order to bring about the end of days so you don't have to be ignored by your family.  However, I have so many lentils now, I am going to send a package to every pensioner in the county, laced with arsenic.

I'll get you yet...

Newer Post Older Post

2 Responses to “Bastard Grannies!”

The HoJo's said...




lesley said...

Little tip for you Dan, don't listen to little old grannies in the supermarket, they obviously know nothing about lentils LOLOLOLOLOL