Sleepy Time #.. er.. 12?
Last night, after putting Kellie to bed, I toddled back downstairs and did the usual evening stuff in an effort to wake myself up. I also wandered around the house, checking for things the stupid sodding cats could use to crash around with. Several bits of Lego, another lid, a teaspoon (No, I have no idea why there was a teaspoon on the stairs - welcome to our lives), all collected up and put out of the reach of the cats.
Realising that I would fall asleep ANY minute, I propped myself on the edge of the sofa, put the laptop on the footstool (I don't know if the word we call it is actually acceptable, so for now, it's a footstool!) and fired up World of Warcraft. I ALSO fired up the PS3, and stuck on a film. Disneys Hercules won out, A) because I've not seen it for YEARS, and B) I didn't want anything too heavy going. I considered The Usual Suspects, but Disney pretty much always wins.
For three hours, I sat on the edge of the sofa, playing my game and watching the movie, and several times, I slipped forwards as my body tried to put me to sleep. Had I sat comfortably - like I had been doing all evening - I WOULD have fallen asleep, and I WOULD have completely screwed up my
Just before 2am, I switched everything off, locked up and headed to bed, into which I collapsed. At least, I would have collapsed, had Kellies Bagpuss hot water bottle not been on my side of the bed. Most nights this week, he's been under the covers with her, but tonight, he was marking out his territory.
And, I should mention, Bagpuss used to terrify me as a kid. Kellie loves it, and I often get her Bagpuss-themed things, despite my hatred of him.
So, after shifting him, unwinding the duvet from around Kellie, and flopping into bed, I spent a few minutes thinking about various stuff, and promptly fell asleep. I don't remember laying in bed thinking for long, so I must have dozed off.
Next thing I know - it's 6am and the alarm is telling me I'm Sexy And I Know It.
Another four hours straight. No waking, no tossing & turning, no staring at the ceiling willing sleep.
As I stated at the top, I DO feel like absolute shite, but my body is getting back into the routine of sleep. Part of me really wants to throw the towel in - sort of a "It's almost fixed so sod it" attitude, but I know if I do that, and my sleep patterns return to how they were, I won't do this again.
Think of it like that nasty germ you've got. You feel crap, go to the doctors, and he prescribes you antibiotics. If you're like me, you will take them, start to feel better, and promptly STOP taking the antibiotics because you think they've worked.
And then, two weeks later, the nasty is back, and it's worse than before.
Get me and my sleep-addled analogy.
Anyway, back to the point. I feel like I want to quit, but I won't. Kellie is helping me out heaps, and so many of you lot here, on Facebook and on Twitter are egging me on, I think if I said "Stuff it" you lot would send the lynch mob. There may be pitchforks involved too.
No quitting, despite the side effects.
And what fun the side effects of sleep deprivation are! The strangest has to be the "things" I am seeing, that I can only describe as "Bugs" in my peripheral vision. I can be sat down, and out the corner of my eye, I see something that I can only describe as a big bug skitter away. It can be a flash on the ceiling, on the wall, across the furniture. Every time I "see" one, I glance over to try and see what I think I saw, but nothing, there's nothing there. I can't even say for certain that they are big bugs, but that just seems to be how I process them.
Secondly, my reaction times are somewhat flawed. More often than not, if I almost drop something, I will reach out and, nine out of ten times, catch it. At the moment, I don't even realise I've knocked something over until it hits the ground/my foot/my head.
Thirdly, and the most obvious of them, is my energy levels. Now, granted, my energy levels are pretty crappy to start with. Some days, it's all I can do to get out of bed, let alone do housework. But simple things this week have really knocked me for six. Standing up for twenty minutes to wash up wears me out. Folding a basket of laundry might seem easy and common place, but it drains me dry.
Last, my concentration levels. Again, some days these are non-existent, but this week they've been shot, wrapped in a rug, and buried under the shed. Things we've watched on the TV have finished, and I've blinked and pretty much forgotten what I've just watched. I tried reading yesterday, and after three pages, I completely lost the plot. And last night, I had four pizzas, four garlic loaves, and six kids ranging from 4 to 13, and had to divide the food between them - less for the wee ones, more for the lardy boys. At one point, I had to ask Claire (Kellies school friend, please don't think I am so tired I've forgotten the name of whats-her-face that I'm engaged to!) if I had done too much for her little one.
As I asked I realised I HAD, being that the four year old had the same size plate AND food amount as Jaysen.
The only other thing to report is my mood, which while never great, has been swinging wildly between Grumpy, Angry and Pissed Off, right across to Sad, Miserable and Teary.
Now I am adding an hour I am hoping these will slowly start to disappear, and return me to my usual less-stroppy/forgetful/hallucinating/energetic self. Everything I've read has said the process can take a month or two from start to finish, but I know I can do it, regardless of the self doubts I'm having. Going to bed separately is just outright weird and I can't get used to it. Getting up early without anyone is pretty much the norm, however!
Those of you that have said I'm your guinea pig and want to try it, I really can't say "do it" enough. If you can deal with all the random stuff you'll go through, then it's not really THAT bad. My options have been either this, or medication - which will have it's own side effects anyway. At least these ones will improve or just go away completely.
It's around half twelve in the afternoon as I write this, and my eyes have been drooping for the last hour, and my neck is starting to do it's weak-wobbly thing, so I need to jump up and make a sandwich before I fall asleep.
And did I mention - I am sooo looking forward to going to bed an hour early tonight! See, simple things DO entertain me!