Last night, in a shock move, Kellie and myself did something social and went to a very old friends house for dinner!

Dave and I met waaaay back in the dim distant past at college, and have been friends ever since. For some reason, we drifted out of contact with one another about ten years ago, with nothing more than the occasional email or message-passed-on-from-a-mutual-friend here and there.

Then, thanks to the wonders of stalking Facebook, we found once another again, and chatted shit at random. Then we both ended up having the same messaging app on our phone, and take the piss on a regular basis. Despite all this chatting, we still hadn't met up after all this time, and after a bit of plotting and planning, we sorted this weekend to meet up, and for Dave to cook...

I should start by spoiling the ending and saying "It's OK, no one dies" but you never know what the next few days might bring. None the less, Dave made a chilli which smelt lovely when we arrived and we sat chatting about random stuff and taking the piss.

He's not grown up much either. Balder, but that's about it.

He admitted he had some issues with the chilli, but that was all good - I'll eat anything. Then he started to make the rice, and things went downhill from there... First, according to the packet instructions, he had added enough rice for "four people" but it was obvious that A) that was not enough for four adults, and B) there were five of us there for dinner. At my behest, he added more.

Approximately a tablespoons worth...

Once it was "cooked" and he started draining it, it was very obvious there wasn't enough to feed a starving hamster, let alone five adults. The portion sizes varied wildly from "a bit" to "a childs portion" Bless him, he ended up have precisely zero grains of rice with his dinner...

So, with the rice pudding splattered on the plate, the chilli was added and we all ate our dinner - Dave being the centre of attention. Or, rather, the target of the conversation/mocking.

This was mine - after he mopped up the "fluid" escaping from within
With dinner eaten - and large side-orders of mockery - Dave then turned to dessert which he had made with us in mind, knowing we are dieting. Slimming World Syn-Free Lemon Meringues. They were very nice, despite our near-constant mocking as well him admitting he failed to read the instructions properly, and added an extra third of required sweetener.


After dinner was buried eaten, we sat and had a couple of drinks and laughs before the Buzz! game came out for the PS3. Considering there was five of us, Dave had the simple task of connecting two sets of Buzz controllers to his PS3.

Also, keep in mind Dave is much of a geek as me. Technical stuff is his bread & butter, as it were.

Set one of the controllers connected no problem. Set two, however. Nah. Didn't want to know. He was plugging and unplugging, blowing connectors, rebooting the PS3, swapping batteries, cursing, swearing - all while we were sat back offering helpful advice.

No, wait, taking the piss. All while we were sat back taking the piss.

The highlight of this moment was the view. All while we were sitting and waiting patiently, all we could see was this:

And if that image isn't clear enough for you, here is Daves builders backside a bit clearer for you:

My Eyes! My EYES!
Eventually, Karen decided that the four remaining "adults" could play and she would help. And by help, she tried distracting Dave as much as possible because he's a dirty cheater.

I've never played any of the Buzz! games, but you get a little controller to answer your questions with in a General Knowledge/Assorted Trivia sort of game. Somehow, I managed to lead both games all the way through, while Dave & Kellie stole points from one other and threw pies at each other.

On the game, I should add. There were no pies present at dinner.

However, both times - despite my leading - I lost all my points in the final round, leaving Dave the winner of both games.

Turns out he plays it all the time, and happens to know a lot of the questions. Smarmy git.

Then out came SingStar. I should point out now that, at no point in the history of ever, have I taken a mic and sang into it. Nu uh, no thanks. Dave & Karen played first, then Dave & Kellie, and then a mic was thrust at me.

And I seized up! Nu uh, no thanks! I just can't do it. I had to have Kellie back me up and point out that I don't sing without a mic, let alone in front of people!!

After that, he showed us a few games on his PS3 (as Kellie is itching to borrow some in the near-future!) and messed with the 3D TV he has, playing with the settings and just chatting about tech stuff.

Despite the mocking and piss-taking, we had a great night, and it was really great to catch up, as well as getting to meet Karen (who is lovely, by the way, and it's amazing that she contained her "Stab Dave In The Eye" rage all evening!).

Were this an episode of Come Dine With Me, I am sure Dave would have lost a few points, and even had his Bullet Proof Toilet Paper Guard mocked on national television!

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