Twelve

As a lot of you know, today my gorgeous little Bethany would have been 12...

I can't believe this time twelve years ago, I was sitting stroking the hand of my beautiful, perfect little lady while she lay in ICU. No one could tell me what was going on, no one could tell me if she'd live past that day, let alone how long. No one could tell me exactly what was wrong with her...

Today has arrived with a bit of a thump onto my lap this year. I've known it was coming, and despite my best efforts, I've had a rough time of late. Bethany has been on my mind a lot, and even though I've tried to push the bad thoughts out with good thoughts, today is hitting me hard.

I know, however, that Bethy would kick me around the room if she could, seeing me sad all the time.

I'm trying to think positive, trying to stay "up" and trying to think of the good times, but it's hard...

My darling little gorgeous,

I cannot believe that you are twelve today. I can only imagine how big you would be, how well you'd be doing at school, and how much fun you would be having were you still down here. I imagine whoever is in charge where you are really has their hands full with you.

As is usual, especially today, it is so painful to know you're not here any more, that you aren't in the next room playing (or tearing the house apart), that you're not going to pop into the room with no warning and want a cuddle. 

I'm sure where ever you are, you are looking down and watching life rush around at home. I just wish you were a part of that chaos, that noise. I know you're here somewhere, but you're probably far too busy having fun and running and chasing and jumping...

I miss you Bethy. I miss you every single day and wish things were different.

Happy Birthday, my little gorgeous. I hope you're having a wonderful day where ever you are.

All my love,
Daddy (Yes, I see you baby...)
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