The Twenty First
Hard to believe, and for some reason, hard to deal with at the moment. Today has been looming ahead of me for the last few weeks, and I've been doing what I can to try and sort of, distract myself from it... But now that it has arrived, I find that I am coping and dealing with it fairly well.
The morning is worse, as I do my best to ignore the clock, but when I DO see the time, I think "such and such had happened by now" and similar. As I've mentioned before, I attend therapy , and for the first time, I broached the subject of Bethany in my last session...
Apparently, the things I do and feel are normal and natural... Don't smother the bad thoughts with other things, run with them, accept them, then try and divert the attention with something relating to Bethy, but something good.
I still find it hard to think that it's been eight years.
To my beautiful little angel, Bethany...
I can't believe you've been gone eight years today. Eight years feels like a really really long time on one hand, and on the other, it still feels like you've only just left.
I think about you all the time still, but outweighing the bad with the good. I think about you laughing, and playing, and being naughty, and sleeping on me... Eight years is a long time, but I miss you every single day.
I often imagine you still being here, twelve years old, running around with the kids, giving Kellie as much love as you give me. I know you would love them all, and it makes me sad that they never got to meet you - and vice versa.
I picture you having fun, where ever you might be, doing everything you want to do, living and loving and laughing. Where ever you are, know that I love you so so much, and miss you completely and utterly. I still wish I could have just one more hug, listen to your laugh just one more time, watch you play just one more time...
I know that, in time, I will get my wish, but I still have lots to do down here. People to look after, people to love... But one day.
I miss you lots, but love you more, my beautiful angel Bethy.
I see you baby...
Love you Bethy x