Happy 13th Princess
Today, she would have been 13 years old. My Baby Moo would be a teenager. OK, that is slightly scary, as I have been wondering what she would be like as she has grown up, let alone what sort of a teenage girl she would be...
I hardly seems possible that thirteen years have passed since that day at Guys, pacing around wondering and worrying, people all over the world waiting for someone to filter news down through the various grapevines, getting messages of luck and love on my phone until finally, I passed on word that the it was showtime...
I can still picture her exactly as she was when she was born, not the most beautiful of babies, but beautiful and perfect to me. All wrinkled and shrivelled, a very strange colour, but full of fight and energy.
Bless her, I so miss her.
Today, I am mostly being entertained and occupied by Kellie... An early-morning cinema visit (which, let's be honest, always feel SO decadent) then lunch, then, whatever... Maybe some drinks, maybe another movie, maybe a walk and a wander. Regardless of what happens, I am doing my very best to be in a good, happy place. I'm not saying I am plastering on a happy face and facing the world, but I am doing my utmost to think of the good things, the things she achieved, the people she bought closer across the world...
To my beautiful baby Bethy,
It is hard to imagine that where ever you are, you are a properly little lady today. Thirteen. I can hardly believe it. While I doubt very much you grew into a giant, I am certain that you are the most gorgeous, beautiful little girl anywhere - physically and mentally.
Where ever you are, I know you are not thinking about school, or careers, or anything else like that, but I can't help wonder what you are like. Attentive? Studious? A rebel?
Regardless of anything, all I know, is that I still love you with every ounce of my being and fibre. No matter how many arguments we would have had, are rules you would have rebelled against, or how many times you would have been grounded - I still love you completely.
It goes without saying - though I will say it anyway - that I hate you are not here, that I can't see you, I can't hold you, I can't say these words to you face to face. I wish things were different, and that your cheeky little face was still a part of my life, and not just an image from a dream, or out the corner of my eye. I still miss you every single day, but I am celebrating your birthday for you my baby.
Kellie is helping me, taking me out, making sure I am OK, and keeping me focused on the good. I wish so much you two could have met - I know that the two of you would have gotten on so brilliantly, and she too would have fallen under your spell.
To you, my darling Bethy, happy birthday. Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, know you are loved and missed terribly. I still see you baby, every day.
With all my love,