honesty vs. greed

you what has really ticked me off for the last few weeks - people sueing people, and people that WANT you to sue people.

i am generally a pretty honest guy - i don't like to rip people off, if i get too much change, i point it out, if i find something on the street, i hand it in to the police or whatever. i hate people that scam (unless i really CAN get a 30% share in the $20million that is in africa)... people often say things in passing that makes me wonder about human nature. and i've come to the conclusion that, in general (not individually) human nature is driven by nothing more than greed.

case in point 1- i used to read a very interesting "rant site" called something like "hot coffee is hot", that started with a woman that got a coffee from a drive-thru macdonalds. she put it between her legs, and when she drove off she bumped into or over something and splashed her leg with coffee. she managed to sue macdonalds for fortunes. coffee is by nature hot. she knew that when she bought it. putting hot/boiling things between ones legs is an easy way to kiss your sex-life good bye. she was driving the car, and she bumped it into/over something that caused afore mentioned hot coffee to be spilled on her legs. WHY was it macdonalds fault? because they didn't put a warning on the cup stating that the coffee is hot.

case in point 2- people that have forced various companies to add things to their products. like hairdryers - do not use in the shower. duh! or the vaccum cleaner we got a few weeks ago states it should not be attached to appendages of the human body. i mean - COME ON!

case in point 3- the well meaning people around me. after i slashed my hand, no less than three people said "you should have told the nurse you tripped over a bad paving slab in the street and fell onto some glass - you would have gotten money from the council for it." people have EVEN told me to tell my doctors my back was caused by a fall in the street. right - i tripped, fell and WOW all of a sudden my spine starts degrading.

what the hell is going on with people? no, don't answer, i know - it's greed (or greed by proxy in some cases).

you know all these "no win - no fee" accident-specialist lawyers that are crammed down our throats and up our noses day in day out? no content with the TV, not content with the radio, the papers, the bill boards, the crap inside newspapers, not even happy with standing around in the shopping centre - they've bloody started door-to-door selling now. this guy knocked on my door friday, and straight away i clocked the official "ID" badge with his ugly mug on it grinning in a "i make piles of cash from helping people plump up their claims" way.

Him: Good morning sir, how are you today?
Me: er, fine thanks...
Him: My name is [whatever it was, but it was double-barrelled!], and I represent [insert triple-barrel named solicitors]. I am part of the Accident and Personal Injury section there, and was wondering if I could help you.
Me: er, no, I'm fine thanks.
Him: Excellent stuff. And how about other members of the house hold? And injuries caused by negligence of another?
Me: er, not really. my son is in bed with a smacked bum - can he claim?
Him: [fake solicitor laugh] Well I don't think so - but everyone is well otherwise?
Me: I suppose. My hand hurts though - it was badly cut last week.
Him: [imagine a smarmy business man perk up at my words, and the CHA-CHING sound in his head] Really sir? [he takes a look at my ugly Franken-Hand] Well, that is certainly unplesent, how on earth did you manage that?
Me: Knife injury. I'm accident prone you see, and am always in the hospital.
Him: [perked ears at the words "accident prone"] Well, knives are very sharp aren't they [no shit sherlock]. Tell me, was it someone else using the knife?
Me: No, I don't often let other people chop up things between my fingers. I suppose I could claim I am schoizophrenic and claim my alter ego tried to rob me... That's probably win me a bit...
Him: [business man now wants to escape odd man on doorstep, and tries his fake laugh and slowly backing away] Well, that would definitely get a lot of advertising no doubt! I'm sorry to have wasted your time sir, if there's - [dan cuts him off]Me: The doctor made me collapse you know... When I was in the hospital having this fixed [wiggles the Franken-hand in the air]
Him: [perks up again having only made it two paces from the door step] Really? What happened might I ask.
Me: Oh you know - I hate needles and passed out when he stabbed me.
Him: Hmmm [Law-Loophole-Database Running in his well-oiled head] Well, did he cause you physical harm or emotional distress when he did it?
Me: Did it? You mean stick a needle into an open wound?
Him: Ahh right, yes, I see what you mean. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Me: No problem.

after i shut the door, i was pissing myself with laughter sooo hard... i wonder if he will try and sue me for emotional distress?

anyways - now that's off my chest, here's another one - telephone marketers, or, worse - double-glazing tele-marketers.

you can catch them straight away when the phone rings and the caller ID reads "witheld". the second method is the cheery-but-forced voice saying good morning/afternoon/evening/interrupted meal time, and then they ask "am i speaking to the household owner?".

this morning the phone rang, but the number interestingly wasn't witheld. i didn't recognise it and answered it anyway, and the cheesy "good morning am i speaking to the house owner" came through the earpiece. bit of advice - tell them you are a renter - they run a mile. so, i say no, sorry, this is a rented home, and put the phone down.

now for the interesting part of all this. i just spent half an hour putting the arseholes phone number into every double glazing website i could find... see how he bloody likes it.

as you can probably tell - i'm out of coffee and not going shopping till tomorrow... so let's hear it for the people that interrupt our lives, the ones that wants us to have their gas, their electricty, their windows & doors, their help winning money, their tv service or their telephone service, their internet access and even the bloody window cleaners.

pah. i need a coffee. i might go eat a teabag!

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