I Did It

But jeez, it was less than easy. The funeral was in the same chapel that Bethys funeral was in, so that wasn't nice. Me and Jo sat at the back so we were A) Out of the way, and B) Had a quick escape if need be. It was a very religious service however...

Heading to Nans graveside was hard as I could see Bethys garden across the way - the bright pink heart stands out amongst the sea of white and black headstones. Figures Bethy stands out of the crowd :) Standing at the graveside while nan was buried was hard, as I could feel Bethys garden behind me.

Afterwards, we headed over there, but by halfway I was shaking and crying. I was a wreck. I had to do it. I was up there, and had to do it. We got five minutes at the garden alone, and Jo has redone it all. It looks perfect and does the little angel justice more than I can describe. Then the family came over that haven't been before, and their crying set me off some more, so I escaped a while.

Everyone kept thanking ME for being there, that it means a lot, that I was so brave, so strong. That set me off some more as well. Even Fran - Jo's mum, who's funeral it was - was thanking me, but all I was thinking was "I had to be here, this isn't about me."

After everyone left, me and Jo stuck around and I just sat by Bethy crying. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss her. I get on with day to day things, but this was the final hurdle for me.

Will I go back? I like to think so. No idea if I will, or even when. I've had offers of company up there, a ride up there so I can be alone, all of that sort of thing, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.

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4 Responses to “I Did It”

Debbie said...

OH Dan Darling,

It must have been a real tough day for you guys, But I knew in your own time that you would go to Bethys special garden, Its not easy, you had guts to do it too, and in your own time you will do it again honey, it doesn't matter if you never go again as Bethy is in your Heart (and on your back too) for ever and you will hold her dear to you for a life time no matter what is thrown at you.. you did have to go today to support Jo with her and her family but then again no one would have held it against you if you hadn't of gone..

sending you all Hugs

Debbie

joansy said...

I can't imagine how incredibly difficult that must have been for you.
I've thought of you often this week. I had an accident with my two 4 year olds in our swimming pool (I misjudged the starting spot for the deep end and went under with both kids) - they were fine in the end but I've never felt that kind of pain before. I think it something that will always be with me even though our trauma lasted only a few minutes. I can only imagine everything that you have been through. My heart goes out to you.
Joansy

Minge said...

I don't know what to say to you. But I want you to know people are thinking about you and care, quite deeply.

I admire you and your family very much.

Nancy said...

Dan,
You did it! Whether you feel stronger for it or not, you done good! You went to Jo's nan's funeral and you went to Bethany's garden and I'm so glad you did. Like it or not, we all love you and admire you. That goes for Jo, too.
((hugs))