I Did It

But jeez, it was less than easy. The funeral was in the same chapel that Bethys funeral was in, so that wasn't nice. Me and Jo sat at the back so we were A) Out of the way, and B) Had a quick escape if need be. It was a very religious service however...

Heading to Nans graveside was hard as I could see Bethys garden across the way - the bright pink heart stands out amongst the sea of white and black headstones. Figures Bethy stands out of the crowd :) Standing at the graveside while nan was buried was hard, as I could feel Bethys garden behind me.

Afterwards, we headed over there, but by halfway I was shaking and crying. I was a wreck. I had to do it. I was up there, and had to do it. We got five minutes at the garden alone, and Jo has redone it all. It looks perfect and does the little angel justice more than I can describe. Then the family came over that haven't been before, and their crying set me off some more, so I escaped a while.

Everyone kept thanking ME for being there, that it means a lot, that I was so brave, so strong. That set me off some more as well. Even Fran - Jo's mum, who's funeral it was - was thanking me, but all I was thinking was "I had to be here, this isn't about me."

After everyone left, me and Jo stuck around and I just sat by Bethy crying. I can't even begin to describe how much I miss her. I get on with day to day things, but this was the final hurdle for me.

Will I go back? I like to think so. No idea if I will, or even when. I've had offers of company up there, a ride up there so I can be alone, all of that sort of thing, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.