The Strangeness of Kids

Back in the day, when I was a wee nipper, knee-high to a grasshopper, a bearn, pup, kid, wet behind the ears, and all that, I was subjected to piss-taking. I don't mean the dyalysis variety, but kids being kids, picking up on something amusing and running with it. You know how kids are. In no real order, the things that were picked up on as I was growing were things like being raised by a single mum, being colour-blind, wearing glasses, the wrong shoes, the wrong coat, a certain very amusing school pack, being crap at football, being a geek... You name it, there was always something.

Of course, over time, things changed - single parents become more and more common, I could hide being colour-blind well enough, more kids wore glasses, the crap shoes or coat were suddenly in fashion (though, usually, I'd moved on to the next level of crap by then), the pack become an on-going joke, sucking at football, but being good at running, and when geek became a tiny bit cooler. Of course, out of all the things, the one thing that would always stick and never ever change, was my last name, my surname, my nom de famille.


Now, I never really saw the problem with it, but all the other kids, well, it was most amusing. Yes, my surname is English, yes, I speak English. Hilarious. No, my favourite lesson isn't English, but thanks for asking. Yes, I make spelling mistakes, no I can't speak other languages, and no, I don't have English class next.

What I never mentioned to anyone, is that the surname "English" is actually of Irish origin. I'm sure that would have been similar to the effect of extinguishing a fire with petrol.

As a kid, it never really hurt or upset me, it was a constant thing. As an "adult", it doesn't worry or bother me in the slightest, and it is a source of amusement for people around the world and that know me. Seeing Tim's comment on his blog made me think that I was going to mention this a while back! So, yes, I am Dan English, and I live in England, speaking English.

For a short time, not long after mum remarried and we moved to a new neighbourhood, me and Gemma took our stepdads name so we could all be the same. Of course, kids picked straight up on it, and to make matters worse, my new teacher and I shared the surname, which just added to the hilarity. My surname of about a year, was "Ford". Yes yes, just like the car. And can you bet when our stepdad worked as a Security Guard. You got it - Ford Motor Company, Aveley. Bugger.

But you know the thing that really really irked me as a kid. The one thing that did get to me, and I never understood why it happened this way.

They never took the piss out of Andrew French!

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12 Responses to “The Strangeness of Kids”

joansy said...

My stepdad's last name was "Faddis" - as in "Fat Ass." I was stuck with the last name for a year or two. A very bad year or two.

Nancy Jensen said...

Dan's surname is very amusing to Jessica. She really goes for such silliness. Dan is English and he speaks English. We were wondering if we should change our names to America and my parents should change theirs to Mexico?

Emma said...

and you've never made fun of MY surname???

Stuart Wilson said...

Andrew French??? Now thats a name I haven't heard for awhile. I saw him down Laindon centre a few years ago - seen better days I believe - still, it was good to see him. I don't think kids made fun of his name, but didn't they say he had big ears or something like that????

Ahhh.. Childhood memories - Do you remember that muppet Robert Barr. Wonder if he is still a kingsize prick? Will never forget that 'stare' match we had - and I won!!!!!

Sorry, I'm going way of topic - I could talk forever about 'us' lot at school!!

Dan said...

Joansy - my god, that's a nasty one. Rather you than me on that front!!

Nancy - I am glad I am still a source of amusement to everyone ;)

Emma - I don't take this piss, I see a certain pastry product and think of you!

Stuart - Yep, remember him alright, talk about an advert for anti-drug abuse if ever there was one.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

English? That's nothing......I once knew a man with the last name Butte, and his mom must have had a twisted sense of humor.....because she named him Harry!

Harry Butte!

Okay, that didn't happen...but wouldn't it be funny if it did!

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Drats!! I just wrote this big ole long post and it disappeared!!!

I said.. Queen.. you are such a goof!!
then.. I said my maiden name was Davenport, like the couch..
now I'm a King... hee hee!

When I was a bookkeeper for many years, I saw "cheques" with names such as:


There... let's see if this goes away too! GRRRRR

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

Queen - we have a friend who's surname is Balls. His name is Dick. His mums name is Pat.

And that IS true!!

Terri - I'd love to go through life with the surname Fuch!

Emma said...

you don't just 'think of me' you take photos in the middle of streets and shops involving my name and text them to me! Bullying I call it!

Dan said...

No no no, I like to let you know I am thinking about my wonderful, dear friend, and what better way to PROVE that I am thinking of you, than by showing you!

Emma said...

and a tub of Cornish ice cream says 'I'm thinking of you'???

Or would the local pasty shop do that better???