To A Special Angel

Today is a very special day in our lives. This time seven years ago, people all around the world were welcoming the birth of our new baby girl. For three months, people we'd never met were supporting us because of phrases we'd never heard affected our unborn baby. Over those three months, people offered help, support, answered my inane question, and even shared a laugh. A new mailing list was formed her in England to support everyone else that went through the same thing.

Friendships formed and grew. All because of on unborn baby.

When she was born, we expected the worst, and the team at the hospital were ready but cautiously optimistic. And we cuddled and hugged this little bundle we called Bethany. For a month, she was in hospital taking everything, and then on the 21st February 2001, she was sent home.

And slowly but surely, she grew. She went from a little baby to a slightly bigger baby - as babies are wont to do. Over the weeks and months, she endured tests, checkups, scans, xrays - but she always smiled at the people around her, always had a hug or a kiss for a nurse. We raised her as best we could, and she never had a bad word for anyone.

Her first surgery, on her older brothers birthday no less, was a great success, and she was home before Christmas. It wasn't long after that she started walking and developing even faster. She loved life.

No, she loved everything. Several people often said she was a new soul, experiencing everything for the first time, filled only with good.

Again, time passed as she grew, she loved playschool, she loved her friends - she wanted to marry Ethan, and have two children, Polly and Samual. She would play and laugh, only to stop to catch her breath and have a rest.

Just after her 4th birthday, we got the letter. They wanted to operate on her as soon as possible. She knew what was happening - we always told her - and she was so excited. She was getting her heart fixed, and would be able to run more and play more and dance. Always to dance.

But, her body couldn't cope with the surgery, and four weeks after they did it, at 12.21pm on February 21st 2005, she left the hospital once again, but not with us.

People say that time is a great healer. It's not; it get's different but never better.

I dream about Bethy some nights, and I swear it is her, coming down to see me. We always sit in the same place, and she cuddles me in the way she always cuddled me, and we talk. She tells me what she is doing, that she is having such a good time, and that she is dancing. And we sit and we cuddle until I wake up.


My gorgeous little Bethy,

Happy birthday darling. I can't believe it's your seventh birthday, and I am just sorry that you can't be here to have lots of presents and cake. I am sure you are having lots of fun with all the other little Angels up there, running and dancing without running out of breath. I'm sure you enjoy giving all the grandparents lots of cuddles when you do decide to stop!

We all miss you down here so much, but now you're not in pain, now there are no more needles or checkups or anything else, I am sure you love it up there.

I normally feel like I have to apologise to you; for not doing more, for not pushing the doctors for other options before the surgery, for not seeing the problems after and especially for not visiting your garden more. But I won't apologise this time because I know there is nothing I could have done.

But I kept the beard off gorgeous, just like you asked!

I'm sure you've had words with your little sister too - she hates the stubble on my chin and makes yucky noises when she touches it. She draws on the walls in the same places you did, and she claims that Bast is her cat, just like you did. She loves to dance - I'm sure you've taught her your moves.

I hope you are having fun baby, I really do. I wish I could give you a huge cuddle, but I know I can't, not yet.

Keep shaking your ass for me. Everyone here still thinks of you and that song.

I see you baby,

Daddy
x


Jo has also posted on her blog, Here

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18 Responses to “To A Special Angel”

Stuart Wilson said...

Hear, hear. Happy 7th Birthday Bethany.

Em's way said...

Happy Birthday Bethy, you are still as special as an angel as you were here. Never forget you baby xxx

cassie said...

thinking of u all.xx

Emma said...

Happy Birthday Bethy! Hope you teach Callum those dance moves your daddy talks about,

Thinking of you all
With all our love
xxx

DriedPapercutsAndChickens said...

I bet that really is her in your dreams.

I can't believe it has been 7yrs since Moo made her appearance.

And what the heck was I thinking, reading this while on hold with my satellite company??

Clay said...

Man, that's tough... you've got a great outlook mate.

Happy Birthday Bethany!

Clay

debbie said...

Oh Dan, what a great piece, brings me to tears, such a special girl gone up to the clouds,, she surprised us so many times lifted our hearts too,, Miss you Bethy

Happy Birthday darling.. hope your looking after all the other angels too

Jeanne said...

Sending lot's of hugs your way....

Laney said...

Happy Birthday Bethy!


I get that feeling in my dreams sometimes, like you really have spent time with your lost loved ones and had a chat. It's a lovely feeling at first(but usually leaves me feeling sad for the rest of the day). I'm sure she's just letting you know she's still around you sometimes and is safe.

(((((hugs))))

Nancy said...

Lovely Tribute, Dan. I especially like that your dreams of her are good ones.

Happy 7th birthday, Bethy - our little Moo. I hope you enjoy running and playing with the other little angels and your grandparents. I think of you often and you were a huge influence in my life even though we never met.

(((Hugs)))

g-man said...

I knew by the title I should not read it at work, but I could not stop. Bethy posts always touch my heart strings. I pray that you always have your dream.

g-man said...

OOps and a happy birthday to you Bethy. (Why do they call you moo?)

Mary Fran said...

Dan,

Wow, what a lovey post. I rembember when she was simply "Bump" I'm sorry that Bethy was only on this earth for a short time but she will be the hearts of many forver. I'm glad that we have remained freinds. Happy Birthday Bethy!

DriedPapercutsAndChickens said...

G-man
gosh I cant remember when we began calling her moo....it was after bump ....perhaps Jeanne, dan or nancy remember better....

Deni said...

Dan and family,Your litle angel,is watching over you, and I'm sure that she comes to visit in your dreams.I have great visits fom my mom and dad,so I am sure Bethy comes to you,My thoughts and prayers for you and your family,God bless Bethany on her birthday....Deni

The Special Zipper said...

Happy Birthday Bethy! Great work Dan on another beautiful piece for Bethy. Now .. I really need to click the little cross in the top right corner of the screen as I was reading this at lunch time at work .. not a great idea really.

Thinking of you all.

Tim and Tarnya

Daddy Cool said...

Happy, happy birthday little Bethy.

Lorenzo said...

Sorry to be late, but SouthAfrica is not the most reliable place for good connectivity.

Anyway I couldn't miss the chance to wish little Bethy a wonderful birthday, may the greenest endless fields of the skies hug you warmly and let you play as you would have done with your gorgeus bros, your fantastic mum, and your sick banana dad ;)

Warm hugs, and best of everything folks. Keep well, and stay strong.