In The Dark

Another day has drawn to a close - well, another week, finally.

I'm sitting at my computer, a little tired as I had a crap night, but surprisingly I feel a bit... good? I can't really explain it, but I've felt fairly good all day - positive, focused, thinking forwards and, more importantly, thinking straight.

I think the reasoning is simple. No matter how bad something is, it could always be worse. I've always always maintained that, and here I am once again living proof of it. I'm still friends with Jo which is important to me. The kids are understanding and more importantly, Jaysen seems relatively unaffected. Jo is happy, which is always a plus in my book, and, like I said, I have plans and am plotting my rise.

Now, I am not for one nano-second thinking I am "over it" by any means, but if I can sit here and realise I am feeling pretty damn good, then so much the better.

A part of it is the blog, as I tend to keep to myself (much to the chagrin of friends and family) this place is my outlet. THIS is where I rant and rave, this is where I talk about all the shit hitting the proverbial fan. You guys are my ear. I can sit here and rattle off all sorts of reasons why I am up, down, busy, tired, hurting, and I know if anyone can help they will offer.

If I tried to talk like this in person, I'd be all over the place.

Of course, the biggest reason I think I am feeling positive today and this evening is my friends. I've had emails, and texts, and voice mail messages (still not up to talking thanks!) and all sorts to say "Hang in there, you can do it" and once again, I have. I've had offers of a place to hide out literally the length and breadth of the country, from the south, to the west, the east and way north. I've even had a couple of offers of visiting the States and staying with friends over there. I've had invites for a day or two, a long weekend, as long as I want... It's pretty amazing.

The last couple of days I've felt a bit more "normal" which, as you know in this house, isn't much of a judge. "Normal" is very flexible in Chez 0ddness. But I've felt more like me. Yes, I am still hurting, and yes I miss Jo like it's going out of fashion. But I am coping, dealing and even feeling a bit more like the piss-taker I was.

I've even made new friends! Go me! If you're on Facebook, join Human Pets - it's a giggle and you do get chatting with people.

Still, I stand by what I've said since this all started; the very last thing I am looking for is a replacement, a girlfriend, or anything of the sort. I think that's something that will come with time, patience and a heck of a lot of personal growth. For now, I need friends and people to take the piss when I am mean to them.

Not that most of you need telling twice, of course ;)

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6 Responses to “In The Dark”

debbie said...

What a great Post Dan, I like it, so glad your having a better day today and jaysen seems ok and Jo happy which is great to hear, and yes it wont always be like that, but great your doing Ok, as for the Piss taking, Me never!

Anonymous said...

Go Dan Go Dan I am so proud of you. I think it is so great you are staying positive and making such a wonderful transition for the kids.
You are an amazing person,
Hugs
Kathy

Anonymous said...

Oh and I must add that everyone pretty much agrees that you are an awesome dad.
Kathy

Krista said...

Everyone needs an outlet. I am glad we could be yours. I am glad you are reaching that acceptance point. It will continue to be rocky, and you will have abysmal days, but you will climb out of this.

And I think the best partners come when you aren't really looking, personally :) You could come stay over here in the heat, but I assumed you wanted to hang out with the children. If you ever do make it to the states, the offer is open.

You will make it. It just takes time.

On a funny note, the word verification is ifoonj. Sounds like a funky new product from Apple.

Me said...

Glad to hear it =D

Btw, you die and get sick every five seconds when Mom plays Oregon Trail =D! Cholera, snake bite, brain fever, etc.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

Hey buddy...
Okay... well I'm glad you're doing better, THAT'S FOR SURE.

Sending you big hugs...
love you!

Me