Closed Doors

The last few days, my head has been in overdrive. Nothing bad, not really, just lots of thoughts, choices, decisions... Random stuff that I have needed to deal with.

The biggest choice I've made is one that, this time a few weeks ago, I never thought I would make. I think the only reason I am blogging this is because I need to see it before me and not just have it rattling around in my noggin.

I've decided that if Jo was to come back to me, I don't think I could take her back.

Now that might sound wrong, or bad, or even harsh, but like I said, I've thought long and hard about it. Obviously there is more going on than I am blogging here, stuff in the background that really doesn't have anything to do with the general public. One day, who knows, I might be in a place to explain everything, but for now, it's mine.

Besides, I might need to blackmail Jo if she ever becomes famous ;)

I've seen Jo a few times in the last week, spoken to her on the phone, chatted by text, and I can say with my hand on my heart there is no problems between us. We're still friends, we still chat about random stuff or the kids or what we are up to, but I have had to get my head into a certain place in order to carry on with my life.

Now, obviously, I do still care for her a great deal, and no doubt I always will do - that something my next girlfriend will have to accept. I've had some people make some, shall we say, interesting comments over the last couple of weeks... Nothing bad, but things that have just made me shake my head.

All this, the crap, the bad, the sad - this is just stuff that further defines Me, who I am, who I was, and who I will be. Jo was the biggest part of my life for almost half my lifetime, and I wouldn't change that, but clearly, it's time to sign off on that chapter of my life.

So long, and thanks for all the fish, as they say.

With my head busy, I've covered a lot of things, choices, decisions and everything else. Jaysen and Tamsyn are my biggest priorities, and while I won't put them first in all matters of my new life nor make them drive my life, they are my most important things. A few things have happened here that have bolstered me, strengthened me, and made me think I have undervalued myself.

Jo will always be a part of my life, we'll always be friends and we will always talk. The kids will always be one of the biggest parts of my life, and who knows what the future holds for me.

But for now, I've closed a door on my past and am looking down the strange new corridor before me.