Not-So-Secret Secrets

Sometimes, Kellie will come out with something, or do something, or something will happen to her, and she looks at ME.  Not in a blame kind of way, and not even in a "Don't you say anything!" kind of way.

No, Kellie has a special look that when given, I know what she is trying to convey is "Do not, under any circumstances, blog that."

However, I find my eyesight getting worse and worse, and can't always make out the look - she might have gas, for instance, or I might be misinterpreting her "I love you sooo much" looks.

Occasionally, however, she does it to herself, and things that I would avoid posting end up in the public domain regardless of my intervention.

Now, to read it as it will be written here by me is one thing... After all, it could be that I am making it up, exaggerating or whatever.  I've always said, thought, that if what I have written is wrong, I will happily correct it and apologise.

So far, you will notice, no apology/correction.

Kellie and myself were sifting through Mollys room.  A scary enough thought, in that we were under the impression of hers and Dominics room, it would be the worst.  We were later proven very very wrong on THAT front.

This is not that tale, however.  This is the tale bought on by the most innocent of house dweller, the Floating Bit of Dust.

We were clearing through Mollys stuff, packing bits, chucking out bits, taking down shelves all ready for the move.  Kellie was doing the thing that only women can do, bouncing her thighs and wiggling her bum because, as usual, Kellie needed a wee wee.

So there we are, packing, throwing stuff out, when the innocent little Speck of Dust decided to house itself in Kellies nostrils.

"AAACHHOOOOOO!" came Kellies reply to the new tenant in her nose.  And she kind of... Froze.  A heartbeat later, she ran to the toilet and sat down.  Now, I'm watching her, trying to figure out why she's squirming on the loo so much - no, she hasn't shut the door - and it occurs to me she's taking off her jogging bottoms and knickers.

"Er... dear?" I ask, wondering what on earth is going on.
"Can you get me some leggings and knickers please?" she asks...  So I do, thinking what did you miss, Dan?

So, like the wonderful caring bloke I am, I get her some leggings and knickers and hand them to her.  "You OK?" I ask.

"I wee'd myself." she replies.  "It was only a little bit though!" she hastily adds to her sentence.  And then there is THAT LOOK that I mentioned back at the top of this post.  So, I move on, smirking and giggling to myself, and pointing out to the kids - all four kids, I should add - that their mum/stepmum has in fact wet herself.

"It was only a little bit!" was her only justification.

A few hours later while I am running the kids to Basildon to be collected by Jo, my phone goes off, and Kellie has updated her Facebook status.  And before anyone tries to tell me I am making all this up, I decided to take a screenshot of it for proof!!  BUT you will have to clicky it to embiggen it!

So there we have it.  Proof that I am not a complete bastard.  Just 80% or so.  The rest of this crap writes itself!

NB: I should also add that I know she will come on here and use one of the following justifications for peeing her own underwear.  She's on "water tablets", she had a lot to drink that day because it was warm where we were busy, she was busting to go, she's had kids so her bladder control isn't what it was, and lastly, somehow, it was MY fault.

Now I openly admit, if we're laying in bed and she says she needs a wee, my first reaction is to pin her and tickle her till she's near tears that she's going to wet herself.  And last year, I DID make her wet herself through tickling... The worst of it though, is that I managed to get Tena to send a selection of their products to her house once.  It was highly amusing to see her opening a package thinking it was going to be something nice, only to find incontinence pants... But clearly, I knew what lay in my future...

But I still love her ;)

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4 Responses to “Not-So-Secret Secrets”

Posh Totty said...

I go along with the "It's your fault Dan"

Kellie, don't fret darling, it happens to us all sooner or later, cough and sneezes are a bastard ... as is Dan ;o)

Kellie said...

I have a word for you, though I shall not use it on here, because it is a very bad word and also for fear of being punched in the face by Oddmum.
So for now I will go along with are a bastard. :0)

Kim said...

It's one thing for Kellie to admit in on HER facebook, but quite another for YOU to blog about it.......norty norty, you are in so much trouble lol
And Kellie, you have my sympathy girl, happens to all us mums eventually. Good trick if you need a wee and you know you're gonna sneeze, nip the area below your nose, sounds daft, but works every time.

Nancy Jensen said...

It comes from having children. After carrying a baby on top of the bladder for 9 months and giving birth, said bladder doesn't like to hold onto the pee like it used to. Having more than one baby will weaken the bladder even more.

But I agree with everyone - it's Dan's fault! Everything is Dan's fault. And shame on you, Dan, for posting about poor Kellie's mishap. It's OK for her to post on fb or anywhere she likes about it - but not you. I'm so very glad that my hubby doesn't blog - or have an fb account! :-P