Mis-EYE-rible

Ok, the title doesn't work, but you get the EYE-dea. If you didn't get the blow by blow on Facebook, or missed the plot...

Friday, I had to get the last of the boys uniform for school, direct from the school itself. They've not only completely changed their uniform from last year, but also Dom has moved schools to Jaysens school.

With that done nice and early, I decided to drag the kids up to Langdon Hills for the day. If you don't know - and most of you probably won't - its a large hilly forest-nature-reserve type affair. I love love love it up there, I always have done. I'm a definite forests person, and always feel chilled and peaceful up there.

Molly and Dom - who you may recall, lived on Flat-As-A-Pancake-Canvey - are still impressed with hills, plus Dom has never been. Jaysen and Tam love it up there too, so I figured with it being a nice day, the holidays drawing to a close, and them needing to burn off some energy, there's no better place...

We wandered up hill and down hill, through grass, bracken, brambles and nettles. We found bugs and insects, vast open forests, and dense pine woods. I shared my useless information with the kids, and they asked question after question.

Plus they charged around like mad things too.

During our wanderings, we came across a plant that has little spiked seed pods, which I think are called Burrs. They have little finely-hooked spines on them, and stick to clothing and skin and hair. I explained to the kids that they catch on animal hair, get carried off, and when the animal grooms, the seeds are deposited elsewhere.

Very interesting.

The boys realised that throwing then at one another was also amusing, so me and the girls headed off. After five minutes of them flying around, I asked them to stop - they were getting tangled in everyone's hair, and eventually would irritate the skin.

A minute later, about to ask again, Jaysen launches one, which flies straight into my eyeball, and process to pop its seeds everywhere.

Into my eyeball.

I stop. I can't see, my eye is burning and properly excruciating. I don't like messing with my eyes at the best of times, and nearly cried when a contact lenses slipped up INSIDE my eye a couple of months back.

But THEY are designed to be in your eyeball. Spiked seed pods are not. Remember, these burr-things are covered in tiny little hooks. Which were now in ny eyeball.

It was the kind of eyepain where you can't open either eye. In the middle of a forest. Where the kids have NO clue where they are. So, getting vision back was kind of important.

So we sit. I'm trying to carefully get stuff out my eye, Jaysen is apologising over and over, Dom is asking if he can help, the girls are muttering "well he did tell you to stop..."

Ten minutes. Still blind. Thankfully Tam hadn't drunk all her water like the rest of us, so I had to pour mineral water into my eye to flush it out. It burned like a bastard, but there was no other option. After a few minutes I could open my eye a bit, so carried on flushing.

Another five minutes or so, and it felt better. Still sore, itchy and gritty, but better. Every time I blinked, however, it hurt.

We carried on our way for another hour or so, but my eye was pissing me off, and I wanted to check it out in a mirror, wash it and chill out. So, we headed home.

Getting in, I went straight to the bathroom, washed my hands, and proceeded to check my eye in the mirror. Aside from some tiny bits of dirt, it seemed ok. But every blink was still painful... You know, blinking, what you do every few seconds.

That evening, I had a long hot shower. The steam didn't help. Washing warm water over it didn't help. Kellie kept slapping me as I kept rubbing at it - but I could NOT help myself. We headed to bed, and while laid on my back, Kellie had a look in it - it honestly felt like there was a lump of something wedged up near the top of the eyelid.

But nothing.

So, I tried to sleep. But sleep involves closing your eyes. Closing my eyes hurt. When I did doze off, my eyes moved, which hurt, which woke me up.

By now I am miserable past belief. I am completely exhausted - between not sleeping most nights, going out doing stuff, and now being unable to sleep regardless, I'm laid in bed feeling very fed up. By half five, I'm online looking at clinics and doctirs in the area - because obviously, today is Saturday so the GP is closed.

By eight, Kellie waked up, and can tell I'm not happy. She gives me a cuddle and asks what she can do, but there's  nothing to be dine. She grabs the phone and I call the Out of Hours doctor who advises going up to Casualty (ER for my American stalkers) to which I instantly think "F*** That"

Accident & Emergency on a Saturday morning will be heaving. Sick drunks, randomly ill people, weekend sporting injuries, coupled with the people that would be like me, with the minor ailments that are neither accidents not emergencies, and would sit at the back of the line till someone realises we need seeing.

So I check the local "Minor Injuries" unit opening times which is JUST for people like me. Granted, its miles away, but a couple of buses and I'll be there. So I get dressed, Kellie asks if I wants company, but that means dragging the girls out too, just for me to get checked. No thank you sweetness, I'll be fine.

The journey to Orsett Hospital is twisty and turny. I know roughly where it is, but the bus goes the long way. My eye is still hurting and I want it fixed.

Eventually, I get to minors and am glad it really IS minors. A man with a sore thumb, and man needing stitches, a little old biddy that had grazed her face, a child off a trampoline, and me with my red watering eyeball.

I'm waiting for less than twenty minutes, during which time Kellie calls to see how I am, and to tell me her mum - the future 0dd Mother In Law - is going to collect me. Now, I don't like a fuss, and I HATE having people run around after me. So I call her to tell her I can't give her directions, and that she doesn't have to pick me up.

She tells me off for not having called sooner, and that she would have taken me to hospital in the first place, and that she WILL be picking me up.

Insert mother in law joke here ;)

Ten seconds later, I'm called in. I explain what's happened. He wants to check my vision, so asks me to remove my glasses.

Which I do.

He points to an opticians eye test board on the wall and asks me to read it.

I tell him I can't. He just told ne to take off my glasses... So they go back on, and I read the board.  Badly, apparently. He tells me I need to get my glasses checked, and I tell him I usually wear contacts, but there was no way in this planet they were going in this morning... Good point, be says.

Getting me on to the bed, the He-Nurse lays me back and starts fussing with my eye. First, he flushes it with saline, and has a look around inside. Then he puts some drops in to prevent... Something. Infection, I think he said. And has another look around. Then he plops in some dye and has another look with a UV light.

He's tut-tugging and rummaging. My eye keeps shutting of its own accord, its watering and rolling around without ANY say so from me. I do NOT like my eyes being messed with.

So, he tells me I've scratched my eyeball AND the inside of my eyelid. I want to correct him that my SON scratched my eyeball and eyelid. Apparently, I need to rest it, and apply some special cream. He then plops some cream in my eye and I'm blind again. Through my blindness, I hear the following sentence:

"Prepare an eye-patch please"

Every sarky, snarky comment I will hear floods into my mind. I'd run, if only I could see. And on it goes, a wad of cotton wool TAPED to my face. I have to sit and wait as still blinded, and once I can see, I'm discharged...

Thrown to the lions, more like.

Stepping out the room, I make a series of interesting discoveries.

1- My glasses no longer fit.
2- I have zero depth perception.
3- My healthy right-eye has pathetic vision, hence the glasses.
4- I can't read the signs for EXIT.

So I have to ask at reception for directions out.

And when I get out, I have to phone Kellie. On the phone I can no longer see. Lucky for me, I have her stored in the phonebook as .Kellie so I know she's the first entry. Easy.

As soon as the words "Eye Patch" are mentioned, it begins. I rise above it.

Diane - future 0dd Mother in Law turns up and unlike her daughter, is sympathetic. I get home and the boys start. I rise above it. Facebook and Twitter join in, but I ignore it.

The rest of the day is spent trying to do stuff that doesn't require much... I kinda watch TV. I kinda make lunch. I kinda sweep and tidy. It's hard, but I manage it.

However, my eye is sore, its irritated, its hot and itchy, and the tape is pulling. I don't do dressings very well. I don't do much medical "bits" well... I take dressings off early, I take my own stitches out, I give up with crutches.

The patch was supposed to be in till bedtime. It didn't survive.

Once off, it felt a bit nicer. Still couldn't see shit, but I could put my glasses on and see better through the right eye...

The rest of the day was just spent trying to ignore the feeling in my eye. Don't itch it, don't touch it, don't rub it.

I failed that too.

By bedtime, I felt very sorry for myself. My eye was still sore, and Kellie was having to put my cream in.

All night its been irritated and sore. I started writing this post at 5am when I've just given up on sleep. It's probably riddled with typos but I don't care. I've had more than enough now. Aside from conjunctivitus as a kid, I've never had actual eye problems. And I'm glad.

I just hope it starts to improve soon.