Sleepy Time #4
OK, parts of that statement are lies. But I digress. Today has been rough. Like washing your face with sandpaper, a cats tongue and shark skin rough.
First off, I am tired. Now, that's probably both an understatement AND whatever the opposite of exaggeration might be. Before when I've said "I'm Tired" I have meant every word of it, and that's how I felt yesterday. Today, I have been fighting to not sleep while walking and talking. With Kellie at work and the kids at school, I have been on my lonesome all day, and decided just in case I start dozing, I would set an alarm to go off every 40 minutes.
After the third alarm, I realised it was too big a gap. While I managed to fight off sleep for two whole hours, it was a battle. I am not allowed to nap at all while doing this, and I am being good AND doing it to the letter. I changed the alarm to every 15 minutes.
Talking on the phone, I started to doze off. While talking, I should add, not just listening to one another breathe. While walking around in the kitchen, I stumbled as my brain tried to shut itself down. Flashes of dream while I am awake. If anything, it's very surreal. I was watching some Bear Grylls today, and every time my head jolted forwards, it was ME on the screen doing the mental stuff. I tried playing WoW, but when running forwards towards a monster to stabby-stabby, I'd doze off for a moment, and open my eyes to a conga-line of monsters chasing me.
After dinner, we sat on the sofa, and I was watching Kellie play her new Lego Star Wars game. Then every minute or two, she'd nudge me as my head had flopped forwards and stayed there.
My memory is frazzled. Well, more-so than usual. I've had issues with names, places, which day of the week it is, plus all the other kitchen-cupboard issues I've had since yesterday still remain. Oh, and I am craaaanky. I'm doing my best to bite my tongue as best I can, but I know I'm not doing a great job. Not to mention, I got upset at an episode of House earlier too...
The difference between "Going to bed and laying awake for 6 out of 8 hours" and "Being in bed for 4 hours" is, interestingly, massive. Previously, we'd go to bed at 10-11 at night, and I would play on my phone, read, browse the web, consider massive world-changing conundrums, doze off around five, roll out of bed around seven. Two hours sleep. NOW I am up all day from six, and doing all my usual daytime stuff, chilling around 8-9 in the evening, then sitting on my own for a few hours doing pretty much what I would do in bed. I get into bed around two, last night dozed off after a while, and woke up about half five. Three, maybe three and a half hours of sleep.
But you know what? Despite how horrifically pants today has been with everything and another, I know that it's going to work - and is WORKING. I popped upstairs this evening to change my mobile battery, and while flopped on the bed to sort it out (my charger is up there) I realised how comfy the bed was, how soft the sheets were... OK I could have dozed off there and then, but now I am actually looking forwards to bed time. I might not be sleeping any more, but it's retraining me to appreciate the bed.
Granted, my memory is SHOT but I hope once the routine is expanded it will come back. One thing I read this morning, was in order to reboot the rhythms of sleep (it's a fancy word starting with C, no I can't be arsed to Google it) when I get up, I have to make sure where ever I go is well lit. So, downstairs into the living room, halogen lights on, fluorescent tube on in the kitchen, and after half an hour or so, I am a little more awake.
Today - like the most of this season, the weather is grey, flat and miserable. Just the way I loathe it. I've been tired and sluggish all day, but around 5pm, it's dark to the point that I need the lights on, and you know what - I've noticed that I wake up a fair bit not long after.
Now consider as well, I only started doing this Friday night, and (I am reliably informed) today is only Monday, and already I can see that I appreciate bedtime, light helps wake and reduced light helps relax.
I'm really hoping that this exhaustion I am feeling is at it's peak now. I am suffering today, not just with the tiredness, but my pain levels are rocketing. My legs feel like they are stacked with lead, my hands belong to an old lady and my back... Crap on a stick. If the doctor is right and it IS Chronic Fatigue, then this is probably not the best plan I've ever had.
So while I am probably boring 99% of you with these postings - I am doing it for me, and for anyone else that thinks this might be the way to go to get out of insomniac habits.
Edit: It's a good job I have a spell checker. Apparently my fingers are sore enough to ignore the keys I want, plus I'm not great at remember where all the exact keys I need are!