Sleepy Time #5

If proof were needed that I am a stubborn git, trying to reset my sleeping patterns is all the proof you need. But in a good way.

For those of you that only skim my posts, I will sum up NOW, then waffle on for several paragraphs. This is working, BUT I feel terrible and shit this morning.

Yesterday, Kellie had to have one of her should-be-regular-but-she-"forgets"-to-have-them-done blood tests, so instead of shifting the kids to school and flopping on the sofa, kids were shifted, and we then went out half an hour later. An hour at the hospital (being amused by images of a strange looking monkey apparently enjoying his nuts a little too much) and it was back into town where we had a mooch around.

Now, considering I am not sleeping, I have stuff-all energy. If I sit still without something to concentrate on for more than five/ten minutes, I fall asleep. Which means, Kellie has to keep nudging me. So, while my body is trying to shut me down every step of the way, I'm occupied by shopping and looking at stuff.

The bus ride home around lunchtime was tough as the motion of the bus was rocking me too.

We got in, I pottered around, did lunch and we chilled out for a few hours watching House. Kids got in, I got dinner on, Future-0dd-Mother-in-Law come over for dinner, and we sat and chilled out, but my body kept trying to fall asleep. As the evening progressed, I kept dozing off and by half eight, Kellie had to make me a coffee and ply me with cheese & biscuits. A while later, I woke up a bit, but all I could think about was bed and sleeping.

Usually, when I think about "bed" I think Ugh. When I think about "sleeping" I think Not Gonna Happen. Now, however, I am looking forward to bed. I know when I get in it, I am going to sleep. I flopped on it yesterday (I think it was yesterday...) to change my phone battery, and I realised how much I like it, how comfy it is. Normally it's just a place for me to kill many hours.

Clearly, my attitude towards bed and sleep has shifted to a positive one.

I put Kellie to bed just after 11pm last night, came back down stairs, and in an effort to stay awake, I put on Kick Ass AND played WoW. 0155 rolled around, I did all the night-time stuff, headed upstairs, rearranged the duvet and flopped into bed.

I don't remember tossing and turning, I don't remember wondering what time it was, I don't remember much of anything. I got into bed, settled down, and the next thing I know, it's 6am and I'm Sexy And I Know It is playing on my alarm.

I slept in a solid block of four hours. I didn't wake up.

The nay-sayers among you (and I am fully aware that some of you are out there, but have decided to NOT voice your opinions...) will state that this is simply because I am so exhausted from staying up, that my body WANTS to sleep. And that's the point. I keep my body awake so that it learns "Up And About" is the time to be awake, and "Laying In Bed" is the time to sleep.

The downside is, today I feel really shit. Physically AND Mentally. I am hurting all over, and don't like how the tiredness is affecting my brain. I feel sad to the point I want to sit in the corner snuggled in my duvet sobbing. This is a shit time of the year (I know, it should be a happy one as it's a birthday) and where I am so tired, it's running around and around my noggin.

I'm holding it together though - hence the blogging which is my outlet, my personal journal for all to read - mainly because the kids don't want to see me gibbering in the corner, because I don't want Kellie to have to look after me, and because I want this to work that badly. I WANT to get a normal sleeping pattern, I WANT to get up in the morning and know I slept at least most of the time I spent in the bed.

So, to sum up for those of you that have read and not thought TL:DR*. It IS working, it is working in spades. But, to get to the good, I've got to deal with the bad. Which means I have to cope with the shitty downsides before I get to the good stuff.

We've gone through the information about Sleep Restriction, and have decided that, assuming I keep sleeping through 2-4, I'm going to add an hour to that this weekend, and do 1-6. And then, once that works, I will add an hour, and then add an hour. I'll be happy with 11-6 to be honest, hell, 12-6 doesn't even seem that bad. I need to rework my sleeping habits, and the advice is stick to routine, but only go to bed if you feel tired, don't spend more than 30 minutes trying to get to sleep, and if sleep stops coming naturally, remove time and reel it back till I am sleeping through.

We shall see.


*If you honestly believe in TL:DR, then you're probably in the wrong place. I have a rant ready for that too...