Whoever You May Be...
This morning, we got a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions (DWP) stating that as we had had a new baby, please fill in this shit-ton of forms and paperwork as it will affect my money.
So I looked it it, and looked at Kellie, and looked back at it, and thought "B-huh?" followed, a few moments later by me vocalising the very same "B-huh?"
Kellie, however, was not quite so literate...
So, I decide that instead of jumping through the hoops presented, I called the DWP and after seven minutes of "Press 1 for this department, please enter this information, please create a pin..." and so on and so on, and then another seven minutes on hold, I finally reach a human being!
After explaining to her what we've received, so has a lookie-poke through all the information, and low-and-behold, they have "received information" that we've recently had a baby.
"B-huh?" I start to say, before composing myself. "Errrrr -" much more articulate "-we haven't." Straight to the point, me.
She digs a big deeper, carries on looking, and all she can tell me is that they've received information from "somewhere" that we have had a baby, but not told them.
Which is strange, because by not telling them we've (apparently) had a baby, we're actually shooting ourselves in the foot and losing out on money.
So she takes my information (again) and fires off an urgent email to the actual Incapacity Department to get them to contact me, and to hold off on the forms as "hopefully it can be sorted over the phone"
Wonders of wonders, same day, I get a call back, and the very nice lady gets me to confirm who I am (answering my own phone!) and explains to me that they have received an "Anonymous tip" that we have had a baby.
Which, roughly translated, means "Someone is trying to cause us problems and mess with my money by reporting us for things we haven't done."
I should hasten to add, this is NOT the first time either. When Kellie first moved in, someone "advised" the DWP that Kellie was working FULL time, and not PART time, and that we were not declaring earnings.
The end result of this is that my claim is now marked as "receiving malicious third-party tips"
Which brings me to the closing point. Whoever you are that is making these "claims" against me, you're clearly not a very bright soul... At least make up shit that would mean we would be getting MORE money, not less. And if you've got some sort of issue with Kellie and myself, be a grown up, eh? At least be a big boy/girl and confront me directly instead of being pathetic.
Liam Neeson sums it up perfectly:
Oh, and I still have to complete 22 pages of f$cking forms! On the plus side, I could end up with MORE money a week - granted, it'll be less than twenty quid - but by being a twat, you may well have granted us more money!