An Unexpected Conversation

"What do you think about having another baby" Jo asked me after getting in from shopping yesterday.

Me - being me - cracked with a big dopey grin. I love babies, I love my kids, and would have a squillion if I could. But. And there's always a but. Would it be safe? Would it be a good thing?

My first obvious worry would be Jo herself. For one thing, she suffers with a very dodgy pelvis. When she was expecting Jaysen it started to split - the tendons that should hold it together aren't strong enough - and it causes pain. With Bethy, it was even worse and she ended up with a back brace and on crutches, and with Tamsyn, she had all of that PLUS inserts in her shoes that made her walk like a clown. But it's not only that. If she gets "up the duff" as it were, then she'd not be allowed to take medicine, more importantly, her antidepressants. While preggers, her hormones go mental anyway, and I worry she'll have a very hard time.

And then there is "Family History" or to put it another way, having another baby with a serious heart condition (ANY heart condition, that is). Sure, we rode it out and were fine with Tam, but "what if". What if they said "I'm sorry, but we found this wrong." Would we carry on with the pregnancy, would we take another route. We were offered termination with Bethy, after being told she would have no quality of life, but in her four years, she had the best life possible. Could we face termination?

Where's my head at, then? What do I think. Well, I sat here to write this in a hope it would jog me one way or the other. We went to bed before 10pm last night, and I laid there thinking, and considering and wondering, and by 2am I still didn't have any answers. I thought "make a list, weigh it up" but then, the Pro-side would be Hey, I got a baby! which outweighs anything. But the Con-side would be Jo's health, then babys health.

As it stands, there is six years between Jaysen and Tamsyn. We wanted kids two or three years apart, it was Jaysen, then Bethy two years later, than Tam four years after Bethy. I remember the stress leading up to the fetal cardiology scan when Tam was little more than a bun in the oven, and that was before we lost Bethy.

So where is my head at?

I just don't know.

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2 Responses to “An Unexpected Conversation”

Anonymous said...

Hi Dan, I know there is a lot riding on this and Jo's health is the biggest one in my book, Ok I am having my second one after loosing 5 early PG's so there is 11 years between Charlie and this one. And I totally understand the fetal scans too, I have had 2 myself on this baby and all is fine there as well.. but darling you have coped before and you will cope again if CHD would crop up again, but you know as well as I do what the chances are of that happening..

you both will never ever forget Bethy and her place can never be filled, but I would go for it, it may help Jo in the long run too.. you know where I am if you need a chat honey..


Anonymous said...

Wow, I didn't see that coming, but on the other hand, I can see how Jo would be wanting another baby. I know that Jo's health is of major concern but she is the one who can decide whether she is up to another pregnancy or not. Good thing she has such a good man to help her through it. (don't quote me on the good man part - I'll deny it) lol As far as the chd thing... you have had two healthy children and the chances are that you can have another healthy baby. Just look at me (if you can stand it)... I have one child with very complex heart and now lung problems and 3 healthy hearted boys. It can be done! Ultimately this is something that you and Jo need to work out between yourselves but I appreciate your sharing your thoughts on your blog. Not an easy decision indeed.

((hugs)) to you and Jo. Enjoy Tamsyn's first birthday!