An Unexpected Conversation

"What do you think about having another baby" Jo asked me after getting in from shopping yesterday.

Me - being me - cracked with a big dopey grin. I love babies, I love my kids, and would have a squillion if I could. But. And there's always a but. Would it be safe? Would it be a good thing?

My first obvious worry would be Jo herself. For one thing, she suffers with a very dodgy pelvis. When she was expecting Jaysen it started to split - the tendons that should hold it together aren't strong enough - and it causes pain. With Bethy, it was even worse and she ended up with a back brace and on crutches, and with Tamsyn, she had all of that PLUS inserts in her shoes that made her walk like a clown. But it's not only that. If she gets "up the duff" as it were, then she'd not be allowed to take medicine, more importantly, her antidepressants. While preggers, her hormones go mental anyway, and I worry she'll have a very hard time.

And then there is "Family History" or to put it another way, having another baby with a serious heart condition (ANY heart condition, that is). Sure, we rode it out and were fine with Tam, but "what if". What if they said "I'm sorry, but we found this wrong." Would we carry on with the pregnancy, would we take another route. We were offered termination with Bethy, after being told she would have no quality of life, but in her four years, she had the best life possible. Could we face termination?

Where's my head at, then? What do I think. Well, I sat here to write this in a hope it would jog me one way or the other. We went to bed before 10pm last night, and I laid there thinking, and considering and wondering, and by 2am I still didn't have any answers. I thought "make a list, weigh it up" but then, the Pro-side would be Hey, I got a baby! which outweighs anything. But the Con-side would be Jo's health, then babys health.

As it stands, there is six years between Jaysen and Tamsyn. We wanted kids two or three years apart, it was Jaysen, then Bethy two years later, than Tam four years after Bethy. I remember the stress leading up to the fetal cardiology scan when Tam was little more than a bun in the oven, and that was before we lost Bethy.

So where is my head at?

I just don't know.