Smiling and Laughing

Speaking of Tim in the previous post, he's posted on his blog and made a comment regarding me and losing Bethany on his blog:

Sadly Dan lost his daughter Bethany to CHD (he runs a blog called 0ddness and amazingly still manages a sense of humour).

People often comment on my still being able to smile, and sometimes, I wonder HOW I do it myself. I've always been a smiler, always liked a chuckle, and like it when people smile because of me - either with me or at me, I'm not fussed. If I think about it, it's probably the biggest question people ask me - "How can you still smile?".

Honest answers? I don't actively try to smile or laugh, it's who I am, and to a degree, Jo too. If people are smiling, then they are invariably happy, and happy is good. I often think of things Bethy said and done and it makes me smile. Sometimes it's a smile, sometimes it's a sad smile, but a smile all the same.

Added to this, if I DIDN'T smile and was happy, then honestly - what's the point? Bethy used to love making people smile, she used to laugh when people laughed and was the happiest child on this earth, especially considering everything she went through. If we sat here all day crying and sulking, well, it wouldn't be much of a life, would it.

This will probably seem.. I don't know - harsh? Inhuman? Whatever - but even while Bethy was laying in ICU heavily sedated in what we now know where her last days, we managed a smile and a laugh. I'm sure the nurses thought we were crazy - and I don't doubt we still are - and I know that us laughing next to Bethy made her smile, but as I say - it's who we are.

Don't get me wrong, I am not sitting here crying while I write this, I'm neither angry nor upset. I thought to myself "Why DO I smile all the time. Why is my sense of humour still intact?" and decided to explore it through a post. Shortest answer would be "Because it's who I am".

Additionally, if you want extra smiles, try and watch The Wild if you can. Great movie. The Koala makes it for me for two reasons.

1. Eddie Izzard - hugely amusing comedian that was allowed to ad-lib for the movie.
2. He's a Koala - has an English accent when he's supposed to be Australian, which I am sure only the English and Australians watching it will notice! hehe

And with that, I think I'll watch it again. At least till company arrives ;)